Dealing with Rejection in Hypnotherapy

(This blog was originally posted on March 17, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

John Kappas, Ph.D., observed once observed that “Emotional rejection is probably the most difficult [challenge] to overcome.” This may be particularly true of the high-level Physical Sexual men and women. These individuals often build their sense of identity and self-worth around the partner and relationship; when the relationship ends, the person’s confidence and perception of self-worth also plummet. The degree of the person’s physical sexuality and the level of devastation of the rejection will determine how long he or she “hangs on” to the former partner, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained.

Since a Physical Sexual can only accept that there is a possibility to save the relationship, the first step in hypnotherapy is to affirm the client’s belief, Dr. Kappas advised. At this stage, the hypnotherapist should encourage the person to think about the partner’s good qualities and examine the positive things that happened during and since the relationship began. The individual should be encouraged to describe every detail of the relationship: how long it lasted, who rejected whom, what caused the break-up and how many times “x” event occurred that precipitated the break-up. “Continue to revisit these memories with the client until the pain is gone,” he suggested.

It is important for the hypnotherapist to acknowledge that the client is hurting emotionally, but remind the person that it does not help to blame either party or the break-up for this distress. Instead, remind the individual that the estranged partner was attracted to him or her during the relationship, but something happened during this time that changed the attraction and the person went in another direction.

“A Physical Sexual can’t accept that the partner was at fault in a break-up,” Dr. Kappas said. Even if the partner had another lover or was having an affair, the client is likely to blame the third party for ruining the relationship. The hypnotherapist must gently remind the client that it is the partner who chose to leave their relationship, not the other lover (likely, a Physical Sexual) that he or she is with, now.

It is important to help rebuild the client’s self-confidence so the person can stop grieving for the partner and start to move away from the lost relationship, toward a new life. If the client continues to maintain superficial involvement with the former partner and is still hanging on to the previous relationship, this behavior must also be exposed. “The client must get what’s necessary from the past relationship to get closure on it,” the hypnotherapist explained.

A Physical Sexual’s response to rejection is mostly a phobic reaction, based on misconceptions about the relationship. Dr. Kappas suggested that when the client has not completely let go of the ex-partner or former relationship, the best therapeutic strategy is to desensitize the person to the relationship/partner and expose the facts about it. If the client is/was in an extremely bad relationship and enjoyed no “good times” during that time, in hypnosis have him or her repeatedly bring up all of the “bad times” and then pass those memories (Circle Therapy). If there were any good elements of the relationship, the client should bring those up first, before bombarding his or her subconscious mind with negative associations about the partner, Dr. Kappas advised.

“Desensitize the [person] to hurt by giving more pleasure in the relationship and search out what [the client really wants,” he said.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

The Double Arm-Raising to Release Jealousy

(This blog was originally posted on May 9, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., “Emotional rejection is the worst kind of addiction you can have.”  The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder liked to employ the double-arm raising technique to facilitate the release of extreme emotions such as jealousy because it help change the client’s receptiveness to his or her relationship crisis. 

As I explained in my previous blog titled Right Brain/Left Brain, the left part of the body is controlled by the right hemisphere (half) of the brain while the right part of the body is controlled by the left hemisphere. Furthermore, the right hemisphere associated with the emotional response and the left hemisphere is associated with logic. The goal of a double-arm-raising technique is to replace the extreme emotional (jealousy) response to the break-up with a more logical perspective about the end of the relationship. 

To demonstrate how this technique works, the hypnotherapist worked with a high-physical sexual male client who was extremely jealous of his estranged wife’s new romantic partner. As the client’s raised left arm began to lower and the right arm started to elevate, the subconscious mind received the message that extreme emotion would go down. Meanwhile the rising right arm reinforced the subconscious message that a logical, detached response to the break-up would enable him to release feelings for the partner and let go of the relationship.

“You made your decision to release the pain and jealousy and deal with it logically and effectively,” Dr. Kappas suggested. “The hurt dissipates and you logically see the [relationship] as it is.” The hypnotherapist followed up this technique with staircase visualization to reinforce the transference suggestion in the client’s subconscious mind. “There isn’t anything negative in the past, just situations and circumstances. You’ve learned from those conditions and you’ll carry them forward.”

He advised that future hypnotherapy sessions with this client would include increasing his self-confidence and working to further reduce jealousy and anger.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017