Forever Friends

(This blog was originally posted on April 18, 2014)

 

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

 

     Someone I knew in college once told me, “Every relationship has a shelf life.” As I look back on the past twenty or thirty years of my life, I am starting to appreciate what she meant. Over time, it is natural to grow out of the hobbies and habits that used to preoccupy us. (Do you remember Atari video games?) The crushes on pop stars and television or movie stars that once fascinated us when we were teenagers are replaced by one true love that meant the world to us—and even that relationship eventually runs its course. But life goes on, and we continue pursue some old and new interests; we create strong new social bonds. It is often sad to acknowledge that no matter how hard we try to fight this process and hang on to that part of ourselves we have started to outgrow, this fight can rarely be “won.” On the other hand, when we accept that such growth and change in ourselves and others is a natural part of living, it is possible to enjoy a very long-lived (and evolved) friendship.

In my blog titled “7 Keys to a Successful Long-Term Relationship,” I described seven components that characterize a successful romantic partnership. Most of these factors are also present in a long-term, successful platonic friendship: like each other, trust each other, respect each other, mutual interests, separate interests, good communication. This is certainly true of my friendship with two women I have known since I was eight years old.

We rarely have a chance to spend time all together anymore since one of my friends, Jennifer, is living her dream in New York City. Joy, her sister, is newly married and lives in Northern California. But despite the distances between us, we continue to share secrets and confidences over the phone or in letters, cards or e-mails. We can still laugh at or cry about the same shared memory. We provide emotional support to help each other overcome a fear or reassurance if one of us feels nervous or anxious. One of my friends persuaded me to read the Harry Potter books—the U.S. version, even though I once vowed I would only read them in the original U.K. format. She also introduced me to sushi and music by one of her favorite bands; I have become a Bon Jovi fan, too. Her sister and I remain loyal fans of a long-running afternoon soap opera and Dallas (original and new series). I entertain them by reminding my friends of that day, many years ago, when “X” event happened, and I even remember what day of the week it was.

Of course, there are differences between us, too. There are probably more differences than similarities these days, since we lead such different lives now. We each have friends that the others have never met, hobbies that don’t interest each other, jobs that we can’t imagine doing—or know how to start to do in the first place. Ten or fifteen years ago, these disparities and the idea of growing up and away from them definitely alarmed me. But I have learned that even though many things have changed in each of our lives and time continues to fly by, everything is okay. I really, truly like, trust and respect the good communication, mutual interests and separate interests that cement our friendship.

And I love them. (I love you too, Carl.)

 
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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