“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)
The
lyrics of the 19th Century nursery rhyme titled “What
Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and
spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys
are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude
about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of
both sexes’ behavior. No one is generally
good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies along
a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social
expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change?
Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be
good all the time?
Why
do people believe—and encourage others (future generations) to believe—that this
dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps my question isn’t about social acceptability
but subconscious knowns. At some point during our lifetime, probably when we
were very little children, we learned a belief/attitude and behavior that we
practiced over and over, until it became a subconscious life script. Little
girls sit with crossed legs and like to play with dolls? Check. Little boys
pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough play? Check. We see someone model
these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing that, too.
The thing about
these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how
most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women
languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an
uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to
their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t
be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of the
title character in Nikita, Scandal’s Olivia Pope
and virtually every female in Game of Thrones take matters
into their own hands to create their own fate in every episode. Why shouldn’t we
encourage modern females to model and emulate their smarts, strength and emotional
fortitude? Oh, right. Because these women may not always do the socially
acceptable correct and expected thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy
counterparts, they go a little rogue to get the job done.
Meanwhile, many
of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. Gloria
Estefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as
veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush
in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to
have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season
finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the
man everyone “loved” to hate on the original series—has a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS
on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal)
tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans,
if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless,
no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow,
typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men
unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same.
Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As
for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have darker
side, too.
Not a “bad” side;
just a more realistic one.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2014
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