All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 1

(This blog was originally posted on February 2, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

The concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality formed the cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s  therapeutic philosophies and approach. He believed that these personality traits were more important and influential than a person’s suggestibility, because sexual personality was all about the individual’s motivations and behavior in an intimate relationship.

Whereas suggestibility (how we learn) is learned/acquired from the primary caretaker (usually, mom), the secondary caretaker (typically dad or another father figure) typically models sexual personality traits. Like suggestibility, a person’s Sexual Personality (“E & P”) is described as varying degrees of “Emotional” and “Physical” characteristics. However, emotional and physical Sexual Personality characteristics are not interchangeable with emotional and physical Suggestibility. In his research, Dr. Kappas observed that an individual’s Sexual Personality starts to develop during childhood, typically when the youngster is between eight and fourteen years old. He hypothesized that, at a very subconscious level, modeling the sexual personality traits of the father figure is a way for the child to get (metaphorically) closer to Mother.

Unlike suggestibility, which can change somewhat and be affected by different events in an individual’s life, Sexual Personality does not alter that much during a person’s lifetime. Furthermore, these characteristics facilitate understanding and the ability to predict and shape a person’s behavior. I and my colleagues who also went through the hypnotherapy certification program at HMI appreciate the value and utility of this model when we work with our own clients to achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

Following are highlights of Dr. Kappas’s model of E&P Sexual Personality:

·         Emotional and Physical Sexuality is NOT a male/female thing. The male can be emotional and the female can be Physical, and vice versa.

·         Opposites attract: An Emotional (e.g., social wall-flower) is drawn to the Physical (e.g., social butterfly), and vice versa because we are naturally attracted to our equal opposites. There is more intensity, more vulnerability with your opposite.

·         There is a subconscious goal to increase/raise the subdominant personality. For example: The goal of the Physical partner is to raise the Emotional partner’s subdominant trait (physicality).          

·         Different partners trigger different behaviors, depending on your E/P score

·         The E&P score will also differ depending on the phase of the relationship (Honeymoon vs. Crisis)

·         50/50 scores on the Sexuality test indicate: “We don’t know what you are.” You will have a different score for different relationships, different phases of the relationship. But you will always have a basic personality.

·         You can out-Phys/out-Emo a “same” partner. “Opposite” partners/relationships are more intense, but there is 10 times more vulnerability when you are with your subconscious opposite.

4 CORE TRAITS of the Emotional/Physical Sexual Personality

(You must have positive confirmation of 3 core traits before deciding/identifying the sexual personality.)

1.                   Parental background (when the pattern breaks, you need to find out why. Parents may be going through a different phase of their relationship.)

2.                   Response to rejection (When rejected, the Physical Sexual clings to the partner vs. an Emotional Sexual, who “freezes out” the partner)

3.                   Relationship with the physical body (comfortable vs. uncomfortable with physical contact) A Physical Sexual is connected/immediacy to the emotion, needs physical contact. There is a physical sensation with emotional reaction, somatization in the body. The Emotional Sexual has a disconnect of physical sensation to emotion. Sometimes the Emotional doesn’t know how he/she feels. Emotional protects the body, has a territory/boundary because the Emotional doesn’t know how they feel about their body or feelings.

4.                   Patterns of personal relationships (History of E/P partners. For example, if you are constantly attracted to a Physical Sexual, you are probably an Emotional Sexual, and vice versa.)

I will describe the priorities and behavioral motivations of the Emotional and Sexual Personalities in my next blog.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Utility of Worry

“Worry is like going around in circles with one foot nailed to the floor.”

– Women Who Do Too Much Day Calendar (February 11, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Worrying can seem like a very useful activity because it always gives us something to do. It is a way to stay (or just look) busy when our time is not otherwise occupied doing something else, like completing that task we keep putting off. As a writer of the philosophy for the January 1, 2015 page in the Women Who Do Too Much, page-a-day calendar wrote, “[Worry] is a great way to occupy and fill up our time.” 

Indeed, worrying is a great way to avoid actually facing a possible negative outcome to a project we started. For example, if we keep so busy fretting about how to actually accomplish “x” that we inadvertently somehow manage to miss our deadline or opportunity at least we won’t have to face the embarrassment of a possible failure. Right? Wrong.

Similarly, when we worry that a prospective romantic partner may not reciprocate our interest or feelings in a relationship we want to pursue, we often pile on so many negative thoughts about our self-worth to “prepare” ourselves for possible rejection. Instead of cushioning what we believe is an inevitable emotional blow such negative “chatter” more likely sets us up for disappointment. For one thing, we are more attractive to other people when we exude self-confidence and, yes, self-love: It’s as if we are sending out a beacon that says, “Of course I am loveable/desirable/interesting.” If nothing else, worrying that the other person might reject our romantic overtures can ultimately undermine the opportunity for creating a strong emotional connection with that person because fear has prevented us from making that initial contact.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” Basically, toxic worry is the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. And still, nothing gets solved or resolved except increased anxiety and distress. This training and my experiences as a hypnotherapist have taught me to re-adjust my attitude and expectations about situations that previously would have sucked me into that whirlpool of toxic worry. These days I can quickly activate the reasoning, logic, will-power and decision-making faculties in my conscious mind to determine whether I can do something productive to change or improve a challenging situation—and then take that positive action. If there isn’t an opportunity to make this kind of positive change, then I can choose to not worry about it and move on to something (or someone) that will offer an opportunity for positive self-growth that I desire. 

For more information about toxic worry, check out my blogs titled Toxic Worry and Hypnotherapy and a Different Perspective.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Thoughts of the Day

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “You may only be someone in the world, but to someone else, you may be the world.” – Unknown

• “The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” – Caroline Myss

• “Beauty begins the moment you start being yourself.” – Coco Chanel

• “In order to get to where you want to go, you must take action to move from where you are.” – Bruce Van Horn

• “The best way to prepare for the future is to take care of the present.” – Lolly Daskal

• "One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power." – Anthony Robbins

• “Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth.” – Julie Andrews

• “When you make a choice, you change the future.” – Deepak Chopra

• “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” – Plutarch

• “Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.” – Steven Wright

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018