Progress at Your Own Speed

(This blog was originally posted on February 12, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Opportunities and events rarely just drop into our laps. An immediate, successful outcome is not guaranteed. Usually we must put in a lot of work and have a lot of motivation to reach a goal or milestone. Days, weeks, months and even years can pass without making any obvious progress toward our goal. During that time it is easy to become frustrated and even disillusioned about when/whether/if we will ever get our “break.” Sometimes life even steps in and replaces the original goal and desired outcome with something better than you could have ever dreamed of.

Recently, my dad commented (again) how excellent it was that actor Benedict Cumberbatch has enjoyed such great success in the film industry. However, he has certainly been paying his dues as an actor for many years—mostly on stage in Britain and some roles in television movies and series in Britain and in America. Receiving an Oscar nod for his portrayal of Alan Turing in The Imitation Game, well, that’s quite an endorsement for the Sherlock star’s acting chops, is it not? Of course, Mr. Cumberbatch’s story is not one of overnight success, at all. Do you remember his very minor role as a cavalry officer in Steven Spielberg’s (2011) film, War Horse? As he landed roles in bigger projects, it just seemed like he suddenly popped out of the woodwork. He had the lead role in the film about Julian Assange and a role in August: Osage County, a major film starring Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts. He even voiced the dragon in a recent Lord of the Rings movie.

Meanwhile, actress Julianne Moore has been acting in and headlining films for approximately twenty-five years. She has received five Academy Award nominations, including her current nod for Still Alice. It seems likely that she will finally win a long-overdue Oscar this year, so say Hollywood pundits, but who knows? Meanwhile, Ms. Moore carries on promoting the movie and working and perfecting her craft.

And, what about the unexpected play that New England Patriot cornerback Malcolm Butler made during the Super Bowl XLIX? Just when it looked like Seattle Seahawks’ wide receiver, Ricardo Lockette, was about to catch the touchdown-winning pass in the end zone in the last few minutes of the game, Butler jumped up and grabbed the ball instead. Suddenly, the comfortable 10-point—and then manageable three-point—lead that the Seahawks had been enjoying through most of the second half of the game was reduced to a four-point deficit from which Seattle would not be able to overcome. Throughout the game, both teams had played hard and made strategic mistakes that could have changed the outcome, but there was no denying that the Patriots constantly continued working and fighting for those winning points. Their unbeatable lead may not have happened as early in the game as New England would have liked, but their never-surrender attitude and determination to win ultimately paid off in the end.

One of the biggest challenges many of us face is being patient with ourselves as we strive to accomplish something. As you pursue that promotion at work are you compromising your health by getting little or no sleep and poor nutrition? The physical consequences of these behaviors could affect your perception, mood and ability to focus or problem-solve, which could inadvertently jeopardize your chances of being promoted. Are you so focused on completing a project that you neglect relationships with or responsibility to family or friends? Are you so focused on attracting that perfect partner that you pay no attention to your professional goals and other social bonds? Where and how will your goal, once it is accomplished, fit and balance with other important areas of your life?

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Dealing with Rejection in Hypnotherapy

(This blog was originally posted on March 17, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

John Kappas, Ph.D., observed once observed that “Emotional rejection is probably the most difficult [challenge] to overcome.” This may be particularly true of the high-level Physical Sexual men and women. These individuals often build their sense of identity and self-worth around the partner and relationship; when the relationship ends, the person’s confidence and perception of self-worth also plummet. The degree of the person’s physical sexuality and the level of devastation of the rejection will determine how long he or she “hangs on” to the former partner, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained.

Since a Physical Sexual can only accept that there is a possibility to save the relationship, the first step in hypnotherapy is to affirm the client’s belief, Dr. Kappas advised. At this stage, the hypnotherapist should encourage the person to think about the partner’s good qualities and examine the positive things that happened during and since the relationship began. The individual should be encouraged to describe every detail of the relationship: how long it lasted, who rejected whom, what caused the break-up and how many times “x” event occurred that precipitated the break-up. “Continue to revisit these memories with the client until the pain is gone,” he suggested.

It is important for the hypnotherapist to acknowledge that the client is hurting emotionally, but remind the person that it does not help to blame either party or the break-up for this distress. Instead, remind the individual that the estranged partner was attracted to him or her during the relationship, but something happened during this time that changed the attraction and the person went in another direction.

“A Physical Sexual can’t accept that the partner was at fault in a break-up,” Dr. Kappas said. Even if the partner had another lover or was having an affair, the client is likely to blame the third party for ruining the relationship. The hypnotherapist must gently remind the client that it is the partner who chose to leave their relationship, not the other lover (likely, a Physical Sexual) that he or she is with, now.

It is important to help rebuild the client’s self-confidence so the person can stop grieving for the partner and start to move away from the lost relationship, toward a new life. If the client continues to maintain superficial involvement with the former partner and is still hanging on to the previous relationship, this behavior must also be exposed. “The client must get what’s necessary from the past relationship to get closure on it,” the hypnotherapist explained.

A Physical Sexual’s response to rejection is mostly a phobic reaction, based on misconceptions about the relationship. Dr. Kappas suggested that when the client has not completely let go of the ex-partner or former relationship, the best therapeutic strategy is to desensitize the person to the relationship/partner and expose the facts about it. If the client is/was in an extremely bad relationship and enjoyed no “good times” during that time, in hypnosis have him or her repeatedly bring up all of the “bad times” and then pass those memories (Circle Therapy). If there were any good elements of the relationship, the client should bring those up first, before bombarding his or her subconscious mind with negative associations about the partner, Dr. Kappas advised.

“Desensitize the [person] to hurt by giving more pleasure in the relationship and search out what [the client really wants,” he said.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Finding My Way Home

(This blog was originally posted on May 25, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

It had already been a long day, and by the time I finished my errands in Panorama City I was more than ready to call it a day. So did my GPS, apparently, because it never gave me directions for my route home. Meanwhile, I was so caught up in my thoughts about what still needed to be done that I lost track of where I was for a moment, missed my turn for the freeway (environmental hypnosis) and basically got lost. Ten years ago I probably would have started hyperventilating, but not today. This time, I did not panic about my predicament and actually got very relaxed.

Those of you who have followed my blog know that I used to have a huge anxiety about driving—especially, freeway driving. But as I explained in an essay titled How Hypnosis Has Helped Me, having spent more than eleven years training and working in hypnotherapy has helped me overcome anxiety about a lot of things. And it isn’t just applying the theories and models that I studied, learned and now regularly use to help clients achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals. Exposure to hypnosis—whether I am giving or receiving it—has increased my tolerance for stress and improved my ability to relax in just about any situation. Today was a perfect example of how beautifully my knowledge, experience and planning helped me find my way home.

·         As soon as I realized that I had missed the freeway ramp I needed, I immediately started paying attention to my breathing, focusing on taking slow, deep breaths through my nose and releasing the air in slow exhales through my mouth. This kind of diaphragmatic breathing kept my heart-rate slow and steady and my physical body relaxed. Remember: opposite emotions cannot exist in the same space, so when the mind and body are calm and relaxed stress cannot take hold.

·         I reminded myself that everything was Okay as I kept watching for familiar landmarks and street signs. I used to drive to and from work in this neighborhood about 25 years ago; I was confident that my subconscious mind would recognize some of these streets even if my conscious mind did not. I also reminded myself that the way streets are laid out in Los Angeles I was bound to eventually find a freeway entrance that would take me home. Even if I didn’t, I could always pull into a gas station and ask directions; and gas stations are usually, strategically very close to freeways.

·         Fortunately, I had eaten lunch (with protein) before I started running around this afternoon, so I didn’t have to worry about hunger/symptoms of low-blood sugar levels exacerbating my anxiety. I know through my hypnotherapy training and helping clients overcome fears and phobias that the best way to control and avoid anxiety is to eat protein, which I now take great care to do.

·         You may have heard and practice the saying, “It is about the comfort of the driver” when you and your family or friends head out on long road journeys. In other words, is there enough gas in the tank? Are the tires full of air and the vehicle in good operation condition? Is the heat/air-conditioning on? Is music playing or is it quiet in the car? Is a supply of water and snacks (preferably protein snacks) available if the car breaks down or there is a long delay on the road? (In California—or any other state vulnerable for earthquakes—it is always a good idea to keep these items in the car for just such an emergency. I knew I was set on all of those counts.

·         One of my favorite affirmations is, “I handle 1,000-pound stallions; you/this is not a problem.” And, it wasn’t. Being at the end of the lead-line when my trainer’s Lipizzan stallion snorts goes up into a perfect levade to intimidate another other stallion is much more intimidating than looking for a freeway. Fortunately, I didn’t have to use this affirmation today because I eventually spotted a familiar landmark and knew I had somehow found my way into my mentor’s neighborhood. Driving home from Cheryl’s office has become part of my muscle-memory, a subconscious known.

I did breathe a huge sigh of relief to finally be able to join rush-hour traffic on the Interstate 405. But I got home safely (albeit very slowly) thanks to my training and experience as a certified hypnotherapist and none whatsoever from my GPS, which continued to give me the silent treatment all the way home.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017