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Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Why Being Uncomfortable Feels “Comfortable”

Consider the expression, “Better the devil you know (than the one you don’t).” If you have done some activity before, you will have a pretty good idea of what to expect (result) this time. Based on this experience, you probably even have a strategy or two for dealing with that or a similar situation. Well, your subconscious mind loves what is familiar, too! According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, the subconscious mind even covets physically or emotionally painful experiences; anything that is “known” is deemed familiar or safe. That is how behaviors, including undesirable habits, are created.

People seek my hypnotherapy services to help them change (or get rid of) a habit that no longer works for them. For example, they want to be able to lose weight, to quit smoking or stop procrastinating, to increase self-confidence, and a host of other behaviors. These goals may make sense to the conscious mind, where logic, reasoning, will-power and decision-making reside; but the subconscious mind is not so easily convinced. The SCM is used to doing things a particular way—its way, the comfortable way, the “easy way”—and it resists changing its modus operandi. It doesn’t care that you (and your conscious mind) are worried that your habit of smoking two packs of cigarettes each day is likely to result in a debilitating lung disease. Your SCM quite enjoys eating that pint of fudge-brownie ice cream before bed; this indulgence is so much like reminiscent of the bedtime treats you used to enjoy as a small child. And as for procrastination, well, didn’t Miss Scarlett in Gone With the Wind always promise herself that she would deal with her problems tomorrow? That strategy worked just fine for her, so why shouldn’t it work for you or me?

If you are happy and comfortable doing things the way you have always done and continue to do them, that is fine. You are not ready to change your behavior yet, and your subconscious mind will likely reject any attempts to change this behavior. Remember, however, that any and every habit and behavior you have learned can also be unlearned. Moreover, hypnotherapy is an effective, drug-free and natural way to help you override (unlearn) that previous mental script and change or dump those habits that no longer work for you. Hypnotherapy is a great way to help you start living the kind of life you want and deserve to be living.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Driving Anxiety

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

Hypnotherapy is a great resource to help people overcome
their fear or phobia of driving.

For many people, driving a car is a way of life. It is not only a way to get things done; it is practically a prerequisite for being able to accomplish many of your goals. It is a symbol of independence: if you can drive and have a driving license, you can go and do just about anything you want to do. When you can drive, you must no longer rely on a friend, neighbor or family member to chauffeur you to an event or an appointment. It is a way of getting to work or simply of getting away. Driving a car is a privilege and a responsibility; and for many people, it can be the source of great anxiety and even social debilitation.

People can develop a fear or phobia of driving for various reasons. Sometimes, people become understandably afraid to drive or to even ride in an automobile after they have been in a car crash or narrowly avoided being in an accident. The same is true if they have been injured in a crash or if a loved one has been seriously injured or killed. Anxiety and phobias about driving can also develop in association with a sudden drop in blood-sugar level; it is common to associate (blame) driving with sudden symptoms of dizziness, feeling light-headed, confusion and nausea. However, the likely cause of this discomfort is being hungry because the person skipped breakfast to save time in the morning and then downed a quadruple espresso beverage to help stay awake for the morning commute.

When I work with clients to help them resolve their anxiety about driving, one of the first things I do is to contextualize the origins of their fear or phobia. I explain John Kappas, Ph.D.’s, concepts of the Theory of Mind to illustrate how this current fear/phobic reaction has successfully, albeit temporarily “protected” them from perceived danger by keeping them out of cars. Finally, I employ relaxation, systematic-desensitization and visualization techniques to help my clients work through and overcome their anxiety while they are in hypnosis so they can get back in the driver’s seat of the car, and their lives, once again.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Imagery, Visualization and Role Models

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

Me with Jane Savoie at the 2014 Horse Expo in Pomona, California.

The subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality. Consequently, imagery and visualization are invaluable tools with which to practice and perfect specific skills in your mind in preparation of actually doing them in the real world. Fantasy and imagination are also very familiar (known) processes to the human mind. Therefore, I employ a lot of therapeutic guided-imagery techniques when I help my hypnotherapy clients to overcome a subconscious block and accomplish their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals. If you can imagine delivering that stellar presentation at work, sleeping soundly and deeply through the night or mastering a skill or technique in your sport, you are well on your way to achieving that goal in real time.

One of the great things about imagery is that this exercise requires you to activate and use all of your senses: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing. All of the senses are more finely attuned during hypnosis, which makes imagery work such an effective tool. When I tell my clients to “Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend…” that they are in the middle of the specific scenario, they subconsciously incorporate the experiences of these sensations/perceptions, which also strengthens the hypnotic suggestion.

Sometimes, I also encourage my clients to think of a role model that they can emulate in these visualization exercises. Since imagery work activates all of the senses, the most effective role models are other individuals who not only possess the exemplary skill set or behaviors the client wants to adopt; they also have a similar physique or physical characteristics. For example, when I do imagery work to improve my riding, I think about equestrian champions such as three-time Olympic dressage coach Jane Savoie, Olympic silver medalist (eventing) Gina Miles and Olympic gold and silver medalist Isabelle Werth. Each of these women is a champion in her equestrian discipline, and I learn so much by watching them work with their horses and listen to them explain their training philosophies. Even more important, I identify with them because, like me, they are petite women who have a similar physique as my own. Whether they ride a 17.3-hand Irish Warmblood or a comparatively diminutive 15.2-hand Thoroughbred, the riders’ own physique will not change, just how they adapt their riding to communicate with their horse. Conversely, as much as I admire Charlotte Dujardin and Anky van Grunsven, who both hold Olympic gold medals in dressage, I cannot identify with them as well or in a similar way as I do with Savoie, Miles and Werth when I try to emulate their riding in my visualization work and in the saddle.

Friday, February 14, 2014

7 Keys to a Successful, Long-Term Relationship

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

On Valentine’s Day, many couples around the world are celebrating their love and relationship. Some people will exchange cards and love letters. Others will give their partner a box of chocolates and/or a bouquet of flowers. And, certainly, no other day of the year is more romantic to become engaged or get married.

In 2005, I attended an eye-opening seminar at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute about the keys to a healthy, intimate relationship based on the concepts of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Emotional and Physical Sexuality. In this seminar, instructor Marc Gravelle identified the following seven qualities of a healthy relationship. In recognition of this international day of love, I am providing this list to help you evaluate whether you and your partner are ready to take your relationship to this next level:

1. You like each other. (This is the most important factor)

2. You trust each other.

3. You respect each other.

4. You have good communication, where you can honestly share your thoughts and feelings about an issue with the other person.

5. You have good sex (each partner gets his or her needs met).

6. You have similar interests.

7. You have separate interests.

Notice that the terms “love” and “in love” are not included in this list. That is because romantic love is what you feel during the honeymoon or early stages of a relationship. Yes, it is exciting, exhilarating and often intoxicating; but the high level of energy required to sustain this stage of infatuation eventually wears away. However, with these seven elements firmly in place, you can still enjoy and appreciate all of these ingredients (qualities) about your partner that first attracted you to each other, and your relationship will continue to flourish.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Hypnosis to Stop Stuttering

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, stuttering is a projection of incongruent behavior. For example, the person may have a way of learning (suggestibility) that is different from how he or she performs/acts. This individual may speak literally (physical suggestible) but picks up a lot of inferences from conversations and the environment. There is often another family member who stutters, he said.

Stuttering usually begins when the person is around five years old and is often observed in people who have very addictive personalities, Kappas said. “People cannot stutter when they are under hypnosis, performing visualization exercises or when they are not concentrating on what they are saying.” However, speaking on a telephone often induces stuttering, he observed.

There are typically no physiological causes of stuttering. As your hypnotherapist, my first objective would be to help you identify the circumstances around which the stuttering began. Once the cause of the stuttering is identified, while you are in hypnosis I would use relaxation, systematic-desensitization and behavioral conditioning techniques to help you resolve any issues that perpetuate this behavior. “Since people usually can’t stutter on purpose, one of the most effective techniques to replace stuttering with normal speech is to teach the person to stutter in hypnosis,” Kappas said.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Hypnotherapy to Help You Stay Motivated During a Challenge

As a hypnotherapist, one of the most important things I do is to motivate my clients to continue working to change an unwanted behavior. Sometimes a challenge or a setback occurs during this therapeutic process, and I must put on another hat to facilitate crisis management. Perhaps you have experienced a personal crisis, such as the unexpected death of a spouse or life-threatening medical diagnosis*; or, you are discouraged about your rate of progress in achieving the desired self-improvement goal. It is my honor and privilege to help you to find/re-discover, and employ, your inner resources to overcome such a challenge in the following ways:

· Provide you with unconditional positive regard. I use active and reflective listening techniques to help you clarify the issue or source of frustration, and identify the emotions or feelings surrounding that situation.

· Employ Neuro-Linguistic programming techniques such as “chunking down” the problem to help you look at and identify ways of breaking it into smaller, more manageable elements that you can resolve.

· Help you to brainstorm a list, which you will write, of all of your inner resources—talents, work/sports experience, problem-solving skills, etc. that you have acquired during/through hypnotherapy—that you believe will help you overcome the current setback or disappointment.

· Apply hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help you access those resources and other problem-solving skills that you have previously used to overcome a similar situation in order to conquer the current setback. If you have overcome ‘X’ before, your subconscious mind knows how to use these skills to succeed, again!

· Help you to create an anchor which you can access at any time to activate this sensation of relaxation, calm and comfort that you experienced during hypnosis in order to solve a problem or overcome a challenge when you are alert and aware (not in hypnosis).

If the issue or crisis is beyond the scope of my expertise as a hypnotherapist to help you achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals, I will refer you to a licensed medical doctor and/or licensed mental health practitioner. This referral is imperative to ensure your emotional and physical well-being, because these experts are equipped to provide you with the specific support that you need to help you through that event. However, according to California law I may continue to work with you as your hypnotherapist in conjunction with these other experts to provide complementary therapy, with a signed referral from them (*Business and Professions Code 2908).

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Art of Perfecting a Behavior

Everybody has a different idea of perfection. There is perfect weather. A perfect test score. And then there is the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. The list goes on, ad infinitum—as do our expectations of what constitutes perfection and our desire to possess it. What if I were to tell you that you are already perfect, just the way you are?

It is true. Your subconscious mind is literally programmed to try to do everything you ask or want it to do—including those behaviors and beliefs that no longer work for you and want to change or get rid of. The longer you have done or been practicing that behavior, the more deeply you ingrain it in your mind. Eventually, it becomes a default, a comfort zone, a known. Every time you repeat that behavior or habit, you send another positive message to your subconscious that reinforces your comfortable association with what you are doing. In his Theory of Mind, John Kappas, Ph.D., refers to the subconscious mind categorizing certain events or stimuli as “pleasure.” In this context, pleasure is something the person identifies as familiar or known, but not necessarily “pleasurable.” In other words, you are equally likely to continue to behave in a particular way even if it is uncomfortable, because that behavior is what you know and where your subconscious mind tells you that you are safe.

For example, a chronic smoker has smoked two packs of cigarettes each day since she was 14. Her parents smoked for as long as she can remember, and her mother actually gave her that first-ever cigarette. Even though she is battling emphysema, she continues to smoke partly because, subconsciously, the smells of a just-lit cigarette or the sulfur from an extinguished match take her back to memories of that rare moment of mother-daughter bonding. Or, a recent Lottery winner blows through his entire jackpot in a matter of months: having struggled financially throughout his adult life, he had no experience (knowns) of how to enjoy this windfall in a responsible way. And then there is that individual who continues to embark on a series of disastrous romances in which the love interest already has a partner, or is physically/emotionally abusive or emotionally unavailable. Even though he or she can recognize the repeating pattern, the person seems incapable of leaving, let alone avoiding, that situation again and again.

When I work with you to change or replace unwanted behaviors through hypnotherapy, one of the first things I do is explain Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind in relation to how it is applicable to your current beliefs and behaviors. I explain how your “knowns” were created in your subconscious mind, and how the SCM reinforces them each time you repeat that behavior. Finally, I will reassure you that since you are so good (perfect) at reinforcing this undesired, original habit, you are perfectly equipped to learn and practice the new, desired behavior. With the exception of your reactions to the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises—which every person is born with—you have had to learn every one of your beliefs and behaviors. If you want to change or get rid of one of them, it is in your power to do just that.