Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., Emotional Sexuals do not get hung up in a failed relationship for as long or the way a Physical Sexual is likely to do. Physicals focus their lives on a relationship and a loving commitment. Once the relationship becomes physically (sexually) intimate, they tend to plan the future and have high expectations for commitment with the partner.

“The Physical Sexual female subconsciously thinks, ‘Would he make a good husband/father of my child? Could I spend an eternity with him?” The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. If the other person is a good candidate for such a relationship, this evolution of the partnership will happen naturally.  However, if the relationship seems to be failing or if the other partner (typically an Emotional Sexual) rejects the person’s advances, the Physical Sexual will panic about losing the person and cling even more. When the Physical Sexual backs off a bit—perhaps even making the Emotional Sexual jealous—the relationship tends to start up again.

When the relationship is finally over and the Physical Sexual leaves for good, the person doesn’t go back. However, the person’s fear of the emotional pain resulting from this separation and the fact that self-worth is so closely tied to the relationship makes it difficult to make this final break, Dr. Kappas observed. This fear and the person’s lack of confidence that he or she can survive without the partner will subconsciously motivate the person to hold onto the dead relationship. However, it may be prudent to let the relationship go if you’re not getting what you want or need, he advised.

Since people continue to evolve over time, you should become involved with another person with whom you can grow in this way, Dr. Kappas said. Don’t hold onto a relationship that’s not going anywhere for you and replace expectations about getting married and having a partner with that partner, specifically. “You need to separate what you want for yourself. You have to project availability and attainability. Lovers are not forever, but for now or tomorrow.”

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “Be mindful of how you manage your negativity so that it does not reflect back into your reality.” – Deepak Chopra

• “Our thoughts create our reality – where we put our focus is the direction we go.” – P. McWilliams

• “Awareness is the greatest agent of change.” – Eckhart Tolle

• “If, in our heart, we still cling to anything: anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

• “It’s not how many friends you can count, it’s how many of those you can count on.” – Anthony Liccione

• “The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” – Walt Disney

• “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” – Wayne Dyer

• “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucious

• “If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” – John Irving

• “We see the world not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it.” – Stephen Covey

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Something to Think About

Photo by Rick Hustead

This evening when I was checking my social-media accounts, I came across an evocative post that described various incidents that prevented a handful of individuals from getting to work at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. In one case, someone’s car wouldn’t start so the individual never made it to the office at all. In another, a child didn’t get ready for school in time; his tardiness meant that a parent was also late for work in order to get the child to class. One person’s alarm didn’t go off in time. Another decided to take a call (rather than let it go to voice-mail) before heading out to work. And so on.

I bet most if not all of the people described in that post was silently or verbally cursing whatever (or whoever) was causing the frustration and delay. How long did it take until news of the first airline crashing into the Twin Towers turned that frustration into gratitude and relief?

Reading about these scenarios reminded me of times in the past when I have rushed to attend an event or complete a project, only to be stopped in my tracks by circumstances beyond my control. Back then, I am sure that my frustration and even anger would have been palpable.  But since then I have come to appreciate these uncontrollable events—including traffic jams or having to rewrite most of a document because I forgot to save it before the computer crashed. As Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., liked to advise, it is always possible to take a negative experience and “turn it around” to become a positive one. Who knows what challenge I might have faced a few miles up the freeway if that big-rig hadn’t stalled out on the hill? Or, having completed writing a new draft of the document I lost, I realized that the current version is much better after all. Come to think of it, I can think about several occasions in which a delay, a wrong turn or a mistake have resulted in a much better outcome for having experienced those inconveniences. It’s something to think about.

 If you are interested in reading the original Facebook post I described at the beginning of this essay, you can check it out at https://www.facebook.com/Calminsense-Hypnotherapy-183965798312732/.  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Dealing With Traumatic Memories

Photo by Rick Hustead

“Negative moments get remembered. Traumatic ones get forgotten.”

– Leaving Time, Jodi Picoult

One of the great things about the mind is its capacity to help us deal with a painful or even traumatic event in our lives. On the one hand, the plasticity of the brain enables us to adapt to an uncomfortable environment and learn lessons from that experience to avoid getting into a similar situation in the future. On the other hand, the mind also naturally knows how to block out and even forget the memory of that event so we can continue to function and fulfill daily activities to facilitate our basic survival. In other words, this kind of case-specific amnesia functions like a life-saving balm.

For example: someone contacts me for hypnotherapy to overcome an intense fear of driving and being in a vehicle following a serious car crash. This person knows the facts about what happened but does not remember anything about the collision or the moments immediately afterward when firefighters had to cut him out of the vehicle with Jaws-of-Life equipment. That is okay. I do not need to know these details to create an effective hypnotic script that will help to increase the client’s comfort and self-confidence while driving or being in a car. In fact, this gap in the client’s conscious awareness of the crash facilitates the physiological and psychological healing process as he works toward achieving the avocational self-improvement goal of being comfortable behind the wheel.\

Consequently, I do not use age-regression hypnosis to help a client access a repressed memory following a traumatic event. Doing so would be similar to ripping a scab off of a deep abrasion before the original wound has had a chance to heal. If and when the person is emotionally, physically and even spiritually ready to address what happened, these memories are likely to return organically in spontaneous flashes of recollection or through dreams. If and when that happens, I can use various hypnosis, therapeutic guided imagery and Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques to help the individual become desensitized to and deal with how these memories and consequences of this event. It may also be necessary to refer the client to a licensed mental-health provider and/or a physician for additional assessment and care if this issue falls outside of the scope of my expertise as a certified hypnotherapist.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

How to Increase Suggestibility

Photo by Rick Hustead

Sometimes it is necessary to change a client’s suggestibility. One common reason to do this is to balance out the person’s suggestibility, such as if the individual has a high-emotional suggestibility score and does not seem to experience physical sensations. Alternatively, a high-physical suggestible person may want or need to have a less “literal” interpretation of information; in this case, it would be necessary to increase the person’s subdominant emotional suggestibility.

To successfully accomplish this, the hypnotherapist must understand how the mind works in the context of right brain/left brain theory. This theory posits that each hemisphere (half) of the brain is responsible for processing information that it receives. The right hemisphere is generally associated with symbols, pictures and images (inferences), while the left processes language and words (direct and literal). Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. believed that the most effective way to communicate with a person is based on his or her suggestibility and how the client’s subconscious mind communicates with his or her conscious mind.

According to Dr. Kappas, the right side of the brain is associated with physical suggestibility. Since each hemisphere controls the actions of the opposite side of the body, the hypnotherapist must work with the left side of the body to increase physical suggestibility. While the client is in hypnosis, the hypnotherapist should give suggestions to enhance physical suggestibility while the person clenches the left hand and tightens the fist, which sends more sensations to the right brain. Alternatively, to increase emotional suggestibility/logical response, the client should tighten the right fist while the hypnotherapist gives appropriate suggestions to increase emotional suggestibility.

“The more you have the client do this, the greater the [desired] suggestibility becomes,” Dr. Kappas said.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016