Release and Let it Go

(This blog was originally posted on February 26, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

      Everyone lives in the context of a pain/pleasure principle. We prefer—and try—to do what makes us feel good (pleasure) and avoid the things that cause discomfort (pain) in the context of the “knowns” in the subconscious mind. For example, John Kappas, Ph.D., theorized that the SCM would categorize your 10-year feud with your siblings as pleasure (known) because it is so comfortable with all of the emotions it associates with this grudge.

      When anger morphs into a long-term resentment, it is a habit. Like any other habit or behavior, it is something you learned. The great news is, since you learned how to feel angry about a particular situation or at a specific person; therefore, you can unlearn the anger response in that context. Following are some basic strategies I would use as a hypnotherapist to help the individual transform his or her anger response into one of forgiveness, healing and emotional and spiritual freedom:

• I describe the person's strained relationship with the other person in the context of Dr. Kappas's Theory of Mind to explain/help the client understand how he or she has substituted/emphasized anger to avoid feeling any emotional pain the conflict has caused.

• Once the client is in hypnosis, I help him or her to feel and acknowledge the hurt the original incident caused. I would also employ therapeutic-guided imagery and desensitization techniques to help the person work through the triggers that continue to incite the anger and hurt. I do not use age-regression techniques to bring up these triggers, I will desensitize the client only to the memories/associations that he or she remembers and has described during an alert/aware state.

• I will use more deepening/relaxation techniques and guided imagery to help the person forgive him- or herself for having been in a position to have been hurt, in the first place. Next, I will use these techniques to help the client also forgive the other person for doing whatever he or she did to cause the original pain in the first place.

      Marc Gravelle, a former instructor of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, once advised: “As long as you remain angry at a person, you’re giving him permission to control you physically, emotionally and intellectually. When you forgive the other person, you’re not giving him permission to do ‘whatever.’ He’s still guilty of doing that, but you (the client) can move on and the other person no longer controls you.”

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/. 
© 2015

Slow Down to Speed Up

(This blog was originally posted on September 28, 2014)

                Have you ever noticed how it takes twice as long to complete a task when you rush to get it done? Whether it is finishing a homework assignment or a big project for work, somehow something goes wrong at the last, worst possible moment and totally messes up your projected deadline. What if you could avoid all that hassle in the first place and meet your deadline with time to spare?

                The Automobile Association of America has a great television advertisement that perfectly illustrated this point. In it, someone in a flashy car speeds past another vehicle. At first, it seems like the driver in the second car gets ahead, but then he is stopped at an intersection with the driver in the original car waiting for the light to change. This pattern is repeated the same way several more times until the message becomes clear: driving fast and recklessly doesn’t get anyone ahead; in fact, it may cause more inconvenience (and waste more gas) than the apparent rush is worth. Similarly, in an episode of the police drama, Rookie Blue, one of the characters reminded an officer he had trained why he once insisted she finish eating her lunch before getting out of the squad car. Sergeant Shaw wanted her to take those extra couple of seconds so she could mentally prepare herself for dealing with regardless of the situation she would be facing outside. The crime scene would still be there, he explained, but the officer needed to calm down and plan what she needed to do to apprehend the criminal or else risk getting seriously hurt or even killed making the arrest.

                Often, when we are under pressure to complete a task, we rush through or even skip important steps so we can get the job out of the way and move onto other more interesting or “fun” things. Monty Roberts, an award-winning horse trainer and author, often advises: “Give yourself fifteen minutes and it will take an hour; give yourself an hour and it will take fifteen minutes.” In other words, when we work carefully and conscientiously—focusing only on the task at hand—we are in a better position to get the job done quickly and usually on the first try. However, when we rush through the job to meet a self-imposed or official deadline we are more likely to neglect important steps to complete the task which may ultimately undermine it. 

                An unintentional byproduct of rushing to complete a task is that we can put ourselves into hypnosis. Consider John G. Kappas, Ph.D.’s definition of hypnosis: “Hypnosis is created by an overload of message units, disorganizing our inhibitory process (Critical Mind), triggering our fight-flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state, providing access to the subconscious mind.” When we rush around trying to meet a deadline, our minds are already whirling practically out of control as we consider what we need to get done and if/how many steps we can get away with “leaving out.” Even if we do not intend to take a short-cut to finish the task, in this naturally induced hypnotic state we may neglect an important step because our subconscious (not conscious) mind has taken over the behavior. We have literally “escaped” into hypnosis to avoid the anxiety and stress we feel trying to complete that project. 

Unfortunately, the stress we consciously and subconsciously tried so hard to reduce or avoid is likely to reappear, and be even more intense, when we rush to just “get it done.” When we take those extra few seconds or even an entire hour, at the end of the day the fastest way to accomplish a goal is to slow down.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Parental Guidance

(This blog was originally posted on September 25, 2015)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                Little kids are like sponges. They literally absorb every piece of information around them. Good or bad, if a child sees or hears something he or she is likely to imitate or repeat the behavior at the first opportunity. Like their adult counterparts, they have come into the world not knowing anything except the reactions to a fear of falling and of loud noises. Over time, they will learn countless behaviors and beliefs by association and repetition of those same behaviors and beliefs they have observed in people around them. As children, we learn attitudes and behaviors from our primary caretaker (usually mom) that are likely to stay with us throughout our lifetime. This is Theory of Mind.

                A couple of things in the media have recently really caught my attention because they are real-life examples of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model. In the first, a television advertisement depicts a man and his young son hanging out together for the day. The little boy imitates everything his dad does from the way the adult crosses his legs to how he brushes his teeth. At one point, the father looks over at his son sitting beside him on the sofa eating potato chips right out of the bag just like he is. It is as if a light-bulb goes on in the father’s head: he suddenly gets up, turns off the TV and goes into the kitchen with his son to prepare a cooked meal. 

                In the second example, last year a radio talk-show host discussed a news story in which a popular young television actress has reportedly filed a restraining order against her alleged abusive boyfriend. Apparently, the young man had been physically and verbally abusive toward her throughout their relationship. During the course of his report, the host issued his own impromptu, loving “warning” to his daughter and her boyfriend. He told them that as the teenage girl’s dad, would not tolerate anyone mistreating his daughter in any way for one day, let alone four years. He ended the segment by observing that both loving/considerate and abusive/inconsiderate behaviors are learned. Of course, if his daughter’s boyfriend really ever did mistreat her, it might not be productive to contact the boyfriend’s dad to “break up with” the other boy. After all, he mused, when and where/from whom was the kid must likely to have learned that abusive behavior was okay? 

I can’t remember what—if any—product was being marketed in the advertisement I described at the beginning of this blog. That didn’t matter to me, because the ultimate message viewers would receive is that parents or guardians must provide a healthy, loving role model for the children around them. When kids see the adults in their lives eating healthy foods, exercising or playing sports, and communicating with them and each other, they are more likely to imitate these positive behaviors. When a parent quits smoking cigarettes and cuts out unhealthy snacks in his or her own life, this is also a positive example. It shows the child that he or she “walks the walk” of the healthy lifestyle behavior that the parent is encouraging for the rest of the family. Similarly, children can (and do) just as easily pick up negative behaviors when the adult makes unhealthy lifestyle choices or is emotionally and/or physically abusive to other people in the environment. Regardless of which behavior is consciously or subconsciously (and perhaps unintentionally) taught or encouraged in the home, every time the child repeats this belief or action it becomes more firmly entrenched in his or her own subconscious life script.

As the grown-ups in our kids’ lives, it is up to us to be an example of the adults we would like them to become.

               

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015