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Thursday, January 15, 2015

Our Thoughts Create Our Reality

“Our thoughts create our reality. Where we put our focus is the direction

we tend to go.” – Peter McWilliams

Photo by Sara Fogan

It sounds easy. Just focus on something you want to have or want to achieve in your life, and then attract that object or goal to yourself. It’s almost like the universe conspires to help you get what you asked for. Consider what actor/comedian Jim Carrey did at the start of his career. He reportedly wrote himself a check for $15 million and kept that intention in his mind as he built his career until he actually did have that much money (and then some) in his bank account.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., stated that we begin to write our individualized subconscious mental scripts from a very young age. Furthermore, we will behave and even think in ways that are consistent with that script even when it doesn’t facilitate achievement of our personal goals. It wants (and tries) to help you realize your goals whether they are great or small, beneficial or detrimental to your well-being. After all, you are the one who created that script, right?

So what happens when you muse about something negative just for a split-second and that is what manifests in your life? Remember, the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between your passing thought about the frequency of rear-end car crashes and your true desire to have a safe journey when an SUV smashes into your new car two seconds later. You can think, I didn’t mean it! But it’s too late: your subconscious mind has already sent that thought out and the universe has replied.

As the examples above demonstrated, your subconscious mind will put a specific mental script into action as soon as the opportunity arrives for you to enact it, so you can “get” what your SCM thinks you want (or wanted). Therefore, it is important to always be mindful of what you are thinking about or telling yourself, because your subconscious mind is paying attention to every word (thought) in the subconscious mental script you created.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Defense mechanisms: Turning Against Self

Sometimes, emotional pain or intense disappointment because something didn’t go our way can lead to self-criticism and self-recrimination (self-blame). Rather than direct our negative emotion toward the cause or source of this pain, we turn on ourselves. For example, have you ever told yourself that the reason a romantic partner ended the relationship with you was because you were unattractive and actually “unworthy” of his or her love? Have you ever scolded yourself for being unskilled and “hopeless” at your job when a relatively new, junior colleague got the pay-raise or promotion you deserved after you landed that big account? Or, have you ever blamed yourself for “doing something stupid” that resulted in an injury while playing your favorite sport or doing a maintenance project around the house? If so, you have turned against yourself, which is a form of defense mechanism.

I previously touched on this phenomenon in my blog titled Stop! Negative Self Talk. Every time we disparage ourselves we create powerful, negative subconscious messages about ourselves that undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Since the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy (imagination) and reality, thinking or speaking these negative beliefs in a moment of pique cause equal damage.

Like other defense mechanisms, turning against self is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, your mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism. In this case, you turn against yourself to avoid having to experience the pain of rejection or disappointment that someone else caused you.

To help someone change this behavior, while the client is in hypnosis I desensitize him or her to the situation (and similar situations) that triggered this defense mechanism. I also employ therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help them reframe their negative beliefs and self-recrimination to positive thoughts that are self-nurturing and promote self-love and self-confidence. Finally, I use imagery techniques to enable the individual to find solutions for those situations and visualize how they have overcome this setback and which lessons they learned from this experience have increased self-confidence and social coping skills.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Monday, January 12, 2015

Reasons Why People Smoke

Photo courtesy of Microsoft Bing

People smoke cigarettes for various reasons, but the addiction to nicotine is very real and extremely powerful. Depending on your “trigger” to smoke, techniques to help you quit may vary. Following is a list of the different reasons (motivations) why people smoke and strategies to help you quit.

· Pleasure Seeker. You enjoy smoking cigarettes, particularly after finishing a meal or while drinking liquor. Therapeutic strategy: Find a pleasurable activity or substitute to replace cigarettes.

· “I Need a Cigarette to Cope.” You smoke when you feel tense, nervous or stressed out. Therapeutic strategy: Learn new coping strategies to reduce stress and manage your life more effectively.

· Habitual Smoker. You smoke in specific situations because this behavior has become a habit at those times (e.g., while talking on the phone, after a meal, while drinking alcohol). Therapeutic strategy: Desensitization to the “triggers” for your smoking habit and creating physical obstacles to limit access to cigarettes (e.g., limiting access to the cigarettes or only being allowed to smoke only in one specific location).

· Stimulation Smoker. You need a cigarette first thing in the morning to wake up and you smoke throughout the day to remain alert/keep going. You enjoy the physiological stimulation that nicotine provides. Therapeutic strategy: Relaxation techniques, reduction of cigarettes in conjunction with replacement strategies that substitute smoking with activities that create a similar physical sensation. It may also be advised to wear a nicotine patch at the beginning of the therapy.

Hypnotherapy is an effective tool to help you achieve your goal of becoming a permanent non-smoker. This is because hypnosis enables you to communicate with your subconscious mind to reprogram your previous mental scripts about wanting and needing to smoke, with ones that reinforce your decision, motivations and ability to stop smoking. I offer a 6-week, smoking-cessation hypnotherapy program that is good for people who smoke one or more pack of cigarettes a day. During this time, you will learn how to resist the triggers of your psychological and physiological addiction to nicotine while you gradually stop smoking altogether. I also record and provide a customized stop-smoking track for you to listen to in order to reinforce this new behavior (lifestyle of a permanent non-smoker).

You can read about the benefits of becoming a permanent non-smoker in my blog titled Physiological benefits to quit smoking. When you are ready to quit smoking, I am here and ready to help you!

Friday, January 9, 2015

The Philosophy of Thank you, Part 2

Many years ago I read an article about how the late Princess of Wales was raising her young sons, Prince William and Prince Harry, to be as much like “normal” (i.e., non-royal) children as possible. One of the most poignant things she taught them was the importance of good manners—especially, saying thank you. Apparently, she once told them something along the lines of: “If you ask for a Coke® and someone gives you orange juice, say ‘thank you’ and drink the orange juice.”

A few days before Christmas I tuned in to an animated debate during Bill Carroll’s KFI broadcast. The question being discussed was: “Is it ever okay to give someone a monetary gift card for Christmas?” Many callers said that giving cash or a gift card to a close relative, loved one or friend was the height of tackiness or even thoughtlessness. Some people believed such a gift was a sign of epic laziness: What? You couldn’t even spend a couple of minutes to think about what I would like and go get it for me? Other people seemed to be ambivalent: Money is cool, but if nothing else I can always re-gift the card to the gardener if I don’t like it, etc. A final group had no problem giving (or receiving) gift cards as a present.

O-kay. Can I take the high road by taking the middle of the road in this debate? Great!

As someone who both gave and received gift cards at the holidays, I see no problem with or question about the thoughtfulness of these kinds of presents. While it may not be financially feasible to purchase that new iPad for your nephew, it’s usually possible to make some kind of monetary contribution to the gift in the form of a gift card. If that special someone specifically hints that the most appreciated gift would be money to help pay down a credit-card debt or pay this month’s phone bill, how is obliging this request a sign of insensitivity? Every little bit adds up, right? And, at the end of the day it is the thought that counts. The true, original, spiritual meanings of Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, etc., and exchanging presents on birthdays or anniversaries, were never to celebrate consumerism. Ultimately, when gifts are exchanged isn’t it to express loving sentiments toward and appreciation for someone you care about?

No matter who you are, no matter what you are doing, saying “thank you” to express gratitude that someone thought of you is still a very cool thing to do. It really is the thought and not the gift that counts.

What are you grateful for?

Thursday, January 8, 2015

The Philosophy of Thank you, Part 1

Every Friday, Jimmy Fallon writes thank-you notes to various individuals, organizations or even theoretical concepts for inspiring some of his comedic commentary on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. The content of most of his thank-you notes is silly; the melancholic musical accompaniment and facial expressions of The Roots’ keyboard player, James Poyser, just makes the act even more hilarious. I believe that the popularity and original Fallon’s inspiration for this sketch boils down people’s basic human desire for others to recognized and appreciate their contributions in society.

I have also noticed something very interesting about saying thank you. More and more often, it seems that many people acknowledge someone else’s expression of gratitude with the same expression, as opposed to saying “you’re welcome.” This trend is particularly obvious at the end of almost every interview on PBS’s News Hour. Very few guests acknowledge anchor Judy Woodruff’s or Gwen Ifill’s expression appreciation for their expert contributions with “you’re welcome.” Instead, they seem to thank the host for thanking them. I can’t help but wonder, what is that all about? Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., observed that someone who learns by inference and metaphor (emotional suggestibility) usually feels embarrassed when praised or acknowledged in front of others even if he or she desires that recognition.

My training and experience as a certified hypnotherapist and observer of human behavior leads me to infer that most of the program’s guests do possess emotional suggestibility, based on their professional backgrounds. Historians, scientists, social scientists and political commentators that regularly appear on this program are typically members of academia (college or university staff). When they provide the information or insights these experts provide on the news program, these experts refer to conclusions or opinions they have already drawn in the course of their own work (e.g., research data or social interactions or patterns). When Ms. Woodruff or Ms. Ifill thanks someone for appearing on the program, perhaps the guest is literally thanking the host for giving him or her an opportunity to share this information with a wide, television audience base.

No matter who you are, no matter what you are doing, saying “thank you” is a very cool thing to do. It’s also emotionally fulfilling for both parties to acknowledge someone else’s well-deserved gratitude for your valuable contribution!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

New Year's Eve Resolutions

Photo courtesy of Microsoft Bing

On December 31 of every year, a lot of us make a New Year’s Eve resolution (or several). Lose weight. Stop smoking. Try something new or travel to another country. Find new love or reconcile differences with a current romantic partner. The list goes on. Many people achieve these goals; many do not. Does it matter whether these goals are actually achieved? That depends who you ask and what the resolution was.

People typically set their New Year’s Eve resolutions late at night, typically while drinking or after having imbibed alcohol. They may or may not have eaten solid, nutritious food during the evening. These factors, combined with excitement about the holiday plus the body naturally starting to get tired at that late hour, create a state of hyper-suggestibility. When we are so caught up in party revelry it is easy to over- or under-estimate what we can reasonable expect to accomplish the next day, let alone over the course of twelve months.

I do not mean to sound like I am disparaging New Year’s Resolutions, because I absolutely am not. New Year’s Eve resolutions are intended to motivate and inspire us to step out of our usual habits and improve ourselves in some way. However, more often than not they become a source of great anxiety and consternation. My greatest concern is the amount of distress, frustration and pressure they put on people during the course of the year can actually cause the individual to not only revert to but even exaggerate previous, unhealthy behaviors they wanted to change.

As we begin 2015, spend a few minutes taking stock of the goals and resolutions you have set for this year. Remember, many of the unwanted (“bad”) habits we want to change did not start overnight. If you have been smoking two packs of cigarettes each day for the past 25 years, your plan to quit smoking will likely be more effective if you gradually wean yourself off the tobacco. I offer a smoking-cessation program that enables people to gain more control over their smoking habit and overcome the addiction to tobacco over the course of six weeks, at which time they become a permanent non-smoker. If you want to take off some extra pounds, consider how long you have been at your current weight compared to your ideal weight. How long did it take to get where you are today? The safest and healthiest way to lose weight is gradually. It takes time to permanently change unhealthy eating habits, incorporate exercise into a regular routine and increase self-confidence about how you look and improve your body image at each stage of your weight-loss journey. The same is true about getting rid of just about any other negative behavior or habit/attitude that you want to change.

Patience, perseverance and an abiding belief in your ability to fulfill that New Year’s Eve resolution can bring you the success you desire. You just need to relax and remember that you can control and are in control of why (motivation), when (timing) and method of achieving it. For more information about how hypnotherapy and therapeutic-guided imagery can further facilitate this success, please visit my web-site at www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com or call (661) 433-9430.

Happy New Year!