Paying It Forward

Photo by Sara Fogan

A couple years ago, someone in the car ahead of me at my local Starbucks® drive-through paid for the coffee I had ordered. It was right before Christmas, and the line was long. People were stocking up on caffeine and sugary snacks in preparation of an anticipated long drive to their holiday destinations—or just to wait in even longer lines at the airport. In my rear-view mirror, I could see a driver tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Was he keeping rhythm with a song playing on the radio, or was he simply impatient for the line to move again?

When it was my turn to pay and pick up my drink, the cashier cheerily told me that the customer in front of me had paid for my order. Would I like to do the same for the person behind me? I was so touched and excited and happy about this random act of kindness that I immediately said yes. I wondered what would inspire someone to just buy a drink for a complete stranger. Was it holiday spirit? Or, was it something more? Looking back I can imagine that my subconscious mind was immediately whirring, translating a kind gesture from one person into an inference that a similar reciprocal gesture would be expected for the next.

When I got home, I learned that someone in another state had initiated a paying-it-forward movement at his local Starbucks. Individuals had been buying drinks for complete strangers for many hours until someone reportedly declined the barista’s suggestion/invitation to continue the trend. Branch managers went on the record to say that staff were not supposed or allowed to suggest that other customers should pay it forward like that because people were feeling pressured and bullied to purchase items they couldn’t necessarily afford—or want—to buy. I could understand that perspective, too. But it made me think: what inspires people to randomly do something nice for someone else? Presumably, the person on the receiving end of this arrangement gets a gift of something--extra time, extra money, a desired object. But, what does the person bestowing that gift get out of it?

Speaking for myself, I experienced various physiological sensations of delight: increased heart-rate and a gasped intake of breath, tingling in my arms and up and down my spine. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so temporarily overwhelmed by that random act of generosity that I was easily persuaded to accept the barista’s suggestion that I purchase the order for the people in the car behind me. (Yes, there was a second or two of concern, wondering/worrying how big that order would be, but I talked myself out of that anxiety by reminding myself: “It’s Christmas!”) And to my own surprise, when I handed my gift card over to pay for that order I felt another wave of happiness and delight. I literally felt lighter, energized, optimistic, inspired. I truly understood what this expression means: “It’s better to give than to receive.”

Since that day, I have tried to pay it forward as often as I can. Whether it is inviting a customer with fewer items than I have to stand ahead of me to pay for groceries or hold a door open for someone else that is what I will do. I might pay a compliment to a stranger, post an endorsement to praise the service I have received from a local company or wave a car in the next lane to merge in front of me when traffic is heavy. And sometimes I even purchase an item of food or beverage for a stranger just because doing something nice for someone else is also a way to express appreciation, respect and gratitude for all that I have in my life. These things don’t really take any time and don’t have to cost any money, but the mutual reward of giving and receiving an unexpected, random gift truly is priceless.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016