(This blog was originally posted on February 11, 2014)
Everybody
has a different idea of perfection.
There is perfect weather. A perfect test score. And then there is the perfect
boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. The list goes on, ad infinitum—as do our expectations of what constitutes perfection
and our desire to possess it. What if I were to tell you that you are already perfect, just the way
you are?
It
is true. Your subconscious mind is literally programmed to try to do everything
you ask or want it to do—including those behaviors and beliefs that no longer
work for you and want to change or get rid of. The longer you have done or been
practicing that behavior, the more deeply you ingrain it in your mind.
Eventually, it becomes a default, a comfort zone, a known. Every time you repeat that behavior or habit, you send
another positive message to your subconscious that reinforces your comfortable
association with what you are doing. In his Theory of Mind, John Kappas, Ph.D., refers to the
subconscious mind categorizing certain events or stimuli as “pleasure.” In this
context, pleasure is something the person identifies as familiar or known, but
not necessarily “pleasurable.” In other words, you are equally likely to
continue to behave in a particular way even if it is uncomfortable, because
that behavior is what you know and where your subconscious mind tells you that
you are safe.
For
example, a chronic smoker has smoked two packs of cigarettes each day since she
was 14. Her parents smoked for as long as she can remember, and her mother
actually gave her that first-ever cigarette. Even though she is battling
emphysema, she continues to smoke partly because, subconsciously, the smells of
a just-lit cigarette or the sulfur from an extinguished match take her back to
memories of that rare moment of mother-daughter bonding. Or, a recent Lottery
winner blows through his entire jackpot in a matter of months: having struggled
financially throughout his adult life, he had no experience (subconscious knowns) of how to
enjoy this windfall in a responsible way. And then there is that individual who
continues to embark on a series of disastrous romances in which the love
interest already has a partner, or is physically/emotionally abusive or
emotionally unavailable. Even though he or she can recognize the repeating
pattern, the person seems incapable of leaving, let alone avoiding, that
situation again and again.
When
I work with you to change or replace unwanted behaviors through hypnotherapy,
one of the first things I do is explain Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind in relation
to how it is applicable to your current beliefs and behaviors. I explain how
your “knowns” were created in your subconscious mind, and how the SCM
reinforces them each time you repeat that behavior. Finally, I will reassure
you that since you are so good (perfect) at reinforcing this undesired,
original habit, you are perfectly equipped to learn and practice the new,
desired behavior. With the exception of your reactions to the fear of falling
and the fear of loud noises—which every
person is born with—you have had to learn every one of your beliefs and
behaviors. If you want to change or get rid of one of them, it is in your power
to do just that.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in
2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®
and to set up an appointment, please
visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2015
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