Monday, October 5, 2015

The Art of Perfecting a Behavior



(This blog was originally posted on February 11, 2014)



     Everybody has a different idea of perfection. There is perfect weather. A perfect test score. And then there is the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. The list goes on, ad infinitum—as do our expectations of what constitutes perfection and our desire to possess it. What if I were to tell you that you are already perfect, just the way you are?

     It is true. Your subconscious mind is literally programmed to try to do everything you ask or want it to do—including those behaviors and beliefs that no longer work for you and want to change or get rid of. The longer you have done or been practicing that behavior, the more deeply you ingrain it in your mind. Eventually, it becomes a default, a comfort zone, a known. Every time you repeat that behavior or habit, you send another positive message to your subconscious that reinforces your comfortable association with what you are doing. In his Theory of Mind, John Kappas, Ph.D., refers to the subconscious mind categorizing certain events or stimuli as “pleasure.” In this context, pleasure is something the person identifies as familiar or known, but not necessarily “pleasurable.” In other words, you are equally likely to continue to behave in a particular way even if it is uncomfortable, because that behavior is what you know and where your subconscious mind tells you that you are safe.

    For example, a chronic smoker has smoked two packs of cigarettes each day since she was 14. Her parents smoked for as long as she can remember, and her mother actually gave her that first-ever cigarette. Even though she is battling emphysema, she continues to smoke partly because, subconsciously, the smells of a just-lit cigarette or the sulfur from an extinguished match take her back to memories of that rare moment of mother-daughter bonding. Or, a recent Lottery winner blows through his entire jackpot in a matter of months: having struggled financially throughout his adult life, he had no experience (subconscious knowns) of how to enjoy this windfall in a responsible way. And then there is that individual who continues to embark on a series of disastrous romances in which the love interest already has a partner, or is physically/emotionally abusive or emotionally unavailable. Even though he or she can recognize the repeating pattern, the person seems incapable of leaving, let alone avoiding, that situation again and again.

    When I work with you to change or replace unwanted behaviors through hypnotherapy, one of the first things I do is explain Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind in relation to how it is applicable to your current beliefs and behaviors. I explain how your “knowns” were created in your subconscious mind, and how the SCM reinforces them each time you repeat that behavior. Finally, I will reassure you that since you are so good (perfect) at reinforcing this undesired, original habit, you are perfectly equipped to learn and practice the new, desired behavior. With the exception of your reactions to the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises—which every person is born with—you have had to learn every one of your beliefs and behaviors. If you want to change or get rid of one of them, it is in your power to do just that.



Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2015

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