Family Ties

(This blog was originally posted on August 5, 2014)

     In one episode of his talk show, Late Night with Seth Meyers host, Seth Meyers, had his younger brother, Josh, as a guest on the show to help promote their animated series, The Awesomes. This was the first time I ever saw them interact together, and I was immediately struck by how easy, comfortable and familiar they were. That made sense; not only are they brothers, they are obviously very good friends. Watching the interview was less like a promotion for their shared venture on the Hulu® network and more like being a fly on the wall at a family reunion. It was fun to listen to them reminisce about their childhood and adolescence, the private names they call each other and the verbal shorthand they use to communicate. Apparently, the brothers knew each other so well that when Seth offered to pick up a sandwich for Josh, the younger sibling immediately knew that the family dog had died. Similarly, when Josh started a phone conversation by saying “I’m all right,” Seth knew those words were actually a code for, I’m alive, but this, this and this happened to me on the ski slopes today, or whatever.

     Family members aren’t the only ones who communicate like this. Good friends, spouses, romantic partners or military personnel also share a similar verbal short-hand. Words don’t even need to be spoken, yet a gesture or facial expression tells an entire story to the other party in this non-verbal exchange. An observer, someone who is not part of this immediate group, might wonder if the members are even psychic the way they finish each other’s sentences. Even spookier is when one person says something and another says, “I was just going to say that!” and you know it is true. Extra-sensory perception may or may not have a part in the fluidity of this exchange, but you can definitely chalk up the mutual understanding to shared experiences and shared subconscious knowns. Siblings are a great example of this phenomenon.

    Consider this second example of shared, familial knowns versus what we learn from non-family members (strangers). The popular detective series of the late 1980s and early 1990s, Inspector Morse, got a new spin-off a few years ago titled Endeavour. This new series follows Shaun Evans’ rookie detective constable at the start of Morse’s police career, negotiating department politics while he solves complicated murders. I think Evans is well-cast as Morse. He has the clear-blue eyes for which John Thaw’s Chief Inspector Morse was known, and the younger man has mastered Thaw’s facial expressions, posture and pattern of speech. But Thaw’s daughter, Abigail, who has a recurring role in the new series, is even more like her late father than the man who portrays him. In addition to bearing some physical resemblance to him, Ms. Thaw absolutely has that raised eyebrow, grimace, slow smile that fans remember from her father’s embodiment of “Morse.” These are not gestures that she would have had to study and learn so she could mimic them in her role, the way Evans would have had to do to convincingly portray a younger version of Inspector Morse. Rather, she would have acquired them over the years while sitting on her father’s knee listening to a story when she was a little girl or any number of casual interactions with him during a family get-together.

     Whether or not you are emotionally close to your family, if you were raised and grew up together you already share more than DNA. You also learned various behaviors and beliefs from your parent(s)/guardian(s) through the development of your suggestibility, as did your sibling(s). You learned to associate certain events or stimuli with pleasure or pain, and these experiences became the knowns that would create, support and reinforce your subconscious mental script. This process is the basis of Hypnosis Motivation Founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind and development of suggestibility. Whenever someone observes how two “like” minds think alike, I would say that is true more frequently about family members’—especially, siblings’—mental processes than that of two “strangers” such as spouses or close friends. Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind probably also goes a long way to explain the role of nurture in terms of contributing to our social development.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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