When
I was training to earn my certification in hypnotherapy, I got a better insight
into why this theory didn’t always apply to humans. Don’t get me wrong: basically,
people want and strive to survive and thrive, whenever and wherever we can.
However, we also have an uncanny ability (habit) to undermine or sabotage our
well-being. Sometimes, we even metaphorically watch this train wreck while it is
happening, knowing what is going wrong but unable or unwilling to change the deleterious
behavior that is causing the disaster. For example, we want to be “right” when
we have an argument even at the expense of being happy or comfortable. We are
willing to risk emotional pain or even physical injury to prove that point to
others and ourselves.
If
you succumb to a nasty case of food poisoning at a picnic because you ate a
tuna-salad sandwich that has been sitting in the summer sun all afternoon, you
will anchor that experience in your subconscious mind. For better or for worse,
you may never eat a tuna-salad sandwich again because even the briefest memory
of how sick the spoiled mayonnaise made you feel. However, if you turn the
situation around to look at the lesson you learned from this experience, you
would also know that you should (and always will) avoid eating these sandwiches
after they have been sitting out in the hot sun. And yet, people are often willing
to jeopardize their physical and emotional well-being and sacrifice their self-interest
in so many other ways.
John Kappas, Ph.D.’s
Theory of Mind explains why people may continue to practice self-destructive
behaviors even when they consciously do not want to repeat those patterns. According
to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, when the subconscious mind
accepts a particular situation or behavior as familiar and known, this mental
script becomes a behavioral default. It doesn’t matter that your doctor has
warned that you are likely to succumb to a lung disease if you don’t quit
smoking cigarettes right now (not to mention
the physical discomfort you have from symptoms of the disease). You have been
smoking since you were 13 years old and your SCM recognizes this behavior as
familiar, relaxing and comforting (if not comfortable.) It doesn’t matter that
you were raised to respect other people and their opinions even when they
differed from your own. You were also told from a very young age that you must fight
for and defend what you wanted and believed, and never give up your advantage.
It is no surprise to you or anyone in your social circle that you will have no
qualms about fighting with words or fists—whatever it takes—to prove your
point. It doesn’t matter that the logic, reasoning, will-power and
decision-making faculties in your conscious mind are screaming at you to
finally, once and for all, leave your physically abusive spouse. Once the
mental script in your SCM kicks in to remind you how secure and even safe you
feel in that relationship, it will likely override your intention to seek sanctuary
at a shelter and the abusive cycle will begin again.
What does it
take to convince ourselves that we can feel comfortable and relaxed in a
relatively stress-free environment? Why isn’t it enough for us to be content
with what we have (emotional and physical health, amenities to survive) and be
willing to learn the important lessons from consequences of behaviors that didn’t
work out so well for us? Chances are that the answer is a new mental script.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®
and to set up an appointment, please
visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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