Some days, it seems
like nothing goes to plan. A “quick” errand ends up taking two hours. Traffic is still
stop-and-go, several hours after rush-hour. Severe weather on the East Coast
causes delays travel on all routes; you may not make it to your cousin’s
wedding on time—and you are in the best man or maid-of-honor. Your computer
server goes down on the day your term paper or an important project for work is
due. What can you do to improve your circumstances? It may help you feel better
to have a full-blown temper tantrum, but any relief this outburst brings is likely
to be short-lived. Also, you will have to deal with the physical and/or social
consequences of your melt-down. There is another way, and it is patience.
Patience is a rare and
often maligned or ridiculed virtue. Some people seem to be born with it.
Nothing fazes them, and no matter what is done or said to or about them, these
people carry on as if everything is fine and life is still good. But even those
of us who do not naturally possess this kind of fortitude need not despair:
anyone can learn to be patient. I did, and you can, too.
Before I started my
hypnotherapy training, I was constantly racing—if not battling—myself to be
better/faster/stronger or whatever I thought I needed to do to succeed. If something
went wrong or did not occur in what I considered to be a timely manner, well,
let’s just say that I would be very frustrated. Even though I knew I would eventually
finish the project or task, I would resent the fact that I had lost even a
little bit of control of the process I was working on. And then one day it
dawned on me that patience wasn’t the issue or conflict that I and others like
me probably needed to work on: it was the willingness to allow myself to
relinquish my need for control.
It is actually very easy to be patient when you are
relaxed and open to new experiences. How many times have you looked back on an
event and acknowledged that, if not for that inconvenient delay you might be in
a very different place in your life, or that project might have had a different
(and not so good) outcome? We have come to believe that society expects and
even nurtures that frenetic, Type-A desire to succeed at all costs, including
our health and relationships. But this belief is a learned behavior, and even
those of us who like to micro-manage every aspect of every day can master the
art of taking some pressure off ourselves and relaxing into a state of calm,
patience and relaxation.
The great thing about learning how to become
patient is that this behavior naturally reinforces itself. Every time you release
the anxiety or stress that is fueling your sense of impatience, your physical
body naturally relaxes, your breathing deepens and your heart rate slows down
and regulates. The body naturally prefers this state of being, or homeostasis,
because it is under less pressure to function normally. As you release this
physical stress and allow yourself to just “be” in the moment, your subconscious
mind creates a new known or positive association with this state. Monty
Roberts, one of my favorite horsemen likes to say, “Low adrenaline equals high
learning.” In other words, when you are relaxed, calm and patient, your mind
naturally opens up to the new and interesting experiences that life is trying
to show you.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2014
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