Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I Am Not a Wallflower, But...











Photo courtesy of Microsoft

When you are at a party, take the opportunity to hang out with
new people that you otherwise probably never would have met.


                This morning, I had brunch with relatives I had not seen since I was about 10 years old. It was a family reunion of sorts, and it was a lot of fun to get reacquainted with them. I really did enjoy myself; but I bet some of you would wonder about that if you had been there. You see, when the size of a group (or party) gets big, I tend to get very “small.” If I am in a group larger than three people—and even that may be pushing it sometimes—I tend to hang back. I prefer to watch and listen to the interactions going on around me. Maybe you are the same way. Here are some suggestions to help you enjoy the company of the other people there—albeit in your own way—and on your (smaller-scale) terms.

·        Do not pressure yourself to interact with everyone—or anyone—right away. Narrow your focus of interaction to chat with the person sitting/standing immediately beside you or across the table from you.

·         Remember (and remind) yourself that you were invited to the event because the host likes your company. Not only do you share at least one common interest with the person, so do the other guests. Trust that the host values your friendship/relationship and wants his or her other guests to get to know and appreciate your special qualities, too!

·         Offer to help set up or serve the food or even clean up, afterward. These activities are a great way to let you ease into the party by interacting with the guests without necessarily having to say too much at first. While you are helping out, your subconscious can “people watch” and listen to other guests’ conversations that will help you identify the individuals who appear to share your interests. Meanwhile, you will probably have many opportunities to communicate with them one-on-one as the guests wander in and out of the kitchen or serving area.

·         If you are still really having trouble getting into the event, try this mental game: Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are someone else whom you really admire and respect. Perhaps this person is a role model in your life—a public figure, mentor or even a celebrity—whom you know is very comfortable interacting with a lot of people. If you don’t have a specific example in your life, a diplomat or a foreign ambassador make great examples for your large gathering/party alter-ego in this exercise. No matter where they are or whom they are with, part of their job is to make small talk to help others feel at ease.
 
You may be very comfortable and relaxed just hanging out (and hanging back) while everyone else interacts. However, it is important to remind ourselves that the reason we accepted the invitation to attend this event is to meet and talk to the other guests! Take this great opportunity to hang out with new people that you otherwise probably never would have met, and demonstrate to everyone around just how interesting and fun you are to be around!

  

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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