Lessons I learned While My Computer Was at the Spa (Again)

Photo by Rick Hustead

On Tuesday night, the cursor on my laptop froze. No matter what I tried, the little arrow wouldn’t budge and just blinked at me in the center of the desktop screen. I methodically pressed every Function key in every combination I could think of, but nothing worked. After about an hour of frustrated brainstorming and restarting the machine countless times, I finally gave up. Based on a similar experience nearly two years ago, I deduced that the laptop was probably infected with a virus. Obviously, I needed professional help solving this problem. Since it was already well past midnight and I couldn’t do any more work, anyway, I took my frustrating situation as a sign that it was time to just go to bed. I had already written, but not yet posted, my blog for that day: Who Do You Trust? Obviously, it would have to wait. I just hoped my readers would forgive and my not posting a new essay that night.

The following morning, I took my computer to the nearest Staples® store for their computer experts to diagnose and treat (de-bug) whatever had infected my laptop. I was still sure that was the problem and even went so far as to tell the technician what I believed he needed to do. Seven hours later, all we knew was that the cursor was still frozen but my machine did not have a virus. To my mind, the situation was going from bad to worse.

Just as I was about to take the computer home, the head technician returned from an off-site appointment and offered to see if he could figure out what was going on. He also tried various key-combinations to unlock the cursor. No luck. Then he plugged a computer mouse into the USB port and, voila! The cursor moved easily over the computer. I thanked the technician for the diagnosis, purchased a computer mouse and went home. I could finally get my work done.

Later that evening I thought about the surprising lessons I learned during that day. The first was probably patience. Since I completed my hypnotherapy training and became a certified hypnotherapist in 2005, I have become much better at being patient and accepting that sometimes I need to step back and wait for a situation work itself out on its own. The second lesson was to recognize and accept that when I don’t know how to resolve a conflict or solve a problem, the best course of action is to allow the expert in that field take over. I am no expert in recognizing let alone resolving a computer problem—even one that looks “just like” a conflict I have experienced before. I know to always refer a client for examination by a licensed medical or mental-health expert if the person’s behavior or goals falls outside my scope of expertise as a hypnotherapist. This situation was another example of when to recognize when I should step back and let the experts do what they know how to do.

Although I hadn’t needed to use an external computer mouse in many years—the laptops I have owned only required a fingertip to navigate the cursor around the screen—it was easy to get back into this action. Obviously, all those years of working on a desktop computer and external computer mouse created strong subconscious knowns. Less than a day after purchasing the computer mouse, I can’t believe that I haven’t used one all along. 

The final lesson I learned was that sometimes I need to take a break and relax; if I don’t make the time to do nothing for a little while, the Universe will intervene on my behalf. I had been spending a lot of time and late nights working on various projects to promote my hypnotherapy practice and to complete formal handwriting analyses for various clients. It did feel good when the only thing I could do that night was kick back on the sofa, work on a word-search puzzle and watch some episodes of various television series still stored on my DVR. As Dr. John Kappas would have advised, even when a plan doesn’t work out as expected you can always turn the negative situation around to create a positive outcome and learn from that.

I definitely learned a lot on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Who Do You Trust?

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

One of the most important qualities of a good relationship is the amount of mutual trust shared between the partners. I believe this is especially true of the relationship shared with our equine partners, as well. I am grateful that I have twice been blessed to share this kind of bond with two equines. My first horse, Geeves, was a big Thoroughbred gelding and retired schooling master. He passed away in 2010, and I still feel his loss every day. Galahad, an Arabian/Lipizzan gelding pictured above, is one of my greatest joys and a true embodiment of the knight in shining armor. He really lived up to his name a couple weeks ago.

My trainer often reminds me that the Arabian horse is historically a “people” horse. Many people have first-hand experience of how well this breed takes care of the humans in their lives. They love and are great with little kids: put a child on an Arabian or part-Arabian horse’s back and you can trust that the animal will do its best to keep the person safe during the ride. I still remember my first ride on a little Arabian gelding when I got back into the sport in 2003. Even though I was a grown-up, Vinnie knew that I needed extra support and even some TLC the first time I got back in the saddle after a 19-years’ hiatus. When I lost my balance—which I did a couple times during that first ride—the gelding adjusted his body under me and even stopped so I could find my seat again.

Galahad does that for me, too—and not just when he is under saddle. When I go catch him in the paddock where he is turned out with the other geldings, my horse often turns his body sideways as if to block his herd-mates’ access to me. It is as if he knows and understands that, as a human, I am more fragile and vulnerable to injury from the rough play that he enjoys with his buddies. No matter where we are in the paddock, my horse immediately changes his posture as if to shield me when another horse approaches us. Is this action a gesture of true protection or jealous territoriality? For the first few months after I bought him, Galahad often moved his body on the wash rack just so to block my visibility to cars passing by on the street. He actually did this a few times before I realized what was going on, because he usually stood quiet and still to get rinsed off after a ride. But before I could detect the sound of an engine, my horse took those few steps to position his body closer to the street.

People have scoffed about my interpretation of these behaviors, alternately chastising me for anthropomorphizing Galahad’s actions and warning me about the inherent danger of handling and riding horses. Nonetheless, I know what I believe. When I work with equestrians in hypnotherapy, one of the first things I ask is for them to rate their level of trust they have in their equine partner and whether/how much their horse trusts them. Without trust, how can we explain or understand the various things horses allow us to do while we are on their backs? Without trust, how do we feel confident and secure to do those things without being frozen with fear that the horse will run away with us or dump us into the dirt the first chance they get?

I experienced the most significant example of my horse’s apparent concern about my well-being a couple of weeks ago. Once a week or so I take Galahad for a walk around the neighborhood. It is good for him to get a change of scene and relax after spending so much concentrated time training in the arena. We are still “training” while I hand-walk him in that we practice serpentine figures, lateral movements and even backing up the street. We practice staying calm and being “brave” when the donkey living next door brays and trots up his fence-line or neighbors’ dogs bark as we walk past. However, Galahad he gets to do all of this work just in his halter, not bridled and under saddle.

On our last walk, I was coming down with a bad cold. I felt okay when we started out, but after about 10 minutes I became so weak that I could barely finish walking up the street back to the barn. It took fifteen minutes for us to travel about fifty feet, but my horse never put a hoof wrong. Every few yards I needed to stop to catch my breath; every time Galahad, just stood quietly and even cocked a hind hoof as I leaned against him for support. He was like a rock—my rock. Of course, I told him what was going on—that I felt ill and I just needed to rest for a minute before we started off again. I have no doubt that if I actually needed to stretch out on the side of the road he would have been a sentinel for me then, too. (Fortunately, I never needed to do that.) At one point, we stopped very close to where the donkey comes out to greet us. Galahad is getting used to the sound of the little equine’s bray but he still sometimes does a double-take or takes a side step if he isn’t expecting to see the animal. That day, however, my horse never flinched or even look anywhere except over his shoulder at me or straight ahead as we forged our way slowly back to the barn.

 Looking back, I can only express how grateful I was and am to have such a loyal and, yes, protective horse in my life. I was truly vulnerable that day: if he spooked at a car or a loose dog, who knows what would have happened. I doubt that I could have been able to hold onto the lead line and keep Galahad calm in that situation. What amazes me most is that, at the time, I never even worried about it. I had complete faith and trust in my horse to help get me safely back to the barn the way I have always done for him in the past. Galahad was described as “a knight in shining armor” on the promotional DVD my trainer gave me to watch before I bought him. On that day—and every day—he truly lives up to his name and that description.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/. 

© 2016

Using a Double-Arm Raising Technique to Release Jealousy

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., “Emotional rejection is the worst kind of addiction you can have.”  The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder liked to employ the double-arm raising technique to facilitate the release of extreme emotions such as jealousy because it help change the client’s receptiveness to his or her relationship crisis. 

As I explained in my previous blog titled Right Brain/Left Brain, the left part of the body is controlled by the right hemisphere (half) of the brain while the right part of the body is controlled by the left hemisphere. Furthermore, the right hemisphere associated with the emotional response and the left hemisphere is associated with logic. The goal of a double-arm-raising technique is to replace the extreme emotional (jealousy) response to the break-up with a more logical perspective about the end of the relationship. 

To demonstrate how this technique works, the hypnotherapist worked with a high-physical sexual male client who was extremely jealous of his estranged wife’s new romantic partner. As the client’s raised left arm began to lower and the right arm started to elevate, the subconscious mind received the message that extreme emotion would go down. Meanwhile the rising right arm reinforced the subconscious message that a logical, detached response to the break-up would enable him to release feelings for the partner and let go of the relationship.

“You made your decision to release the pain and jealousy and deal with it logically and effectively,” Dr. Kappas suggested. “The hurt dissipates and you logically see the [relationship] as it is.” The hypnotherapist followed up this technique with staircase visualization to reinforce the transference suggestion in the client’s subconscious mind. “There isn’t anything negative in the past, just situations and circumstances. You’ve learned from those conditions and you’ll carry them forward.”

He advised that future hypnotherapy sessions with this client would include increasing his self-confidence and working to further reduce jealousy and anger.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Mother's Day

(This blog was originally posted on May 11, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

     There is no one in the world like a mother. Today, as we get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day in two days’ time, I would like to tell you about mine.

    When I think about my mother, I am in awe. I marvel at the things she accomplished during her life, the challenges she overcome and the joy she brought to my life. I am inspired by everything she was as a woman and as a mother. She was my biggest champion and my loudest cheerleader. She was always there to provide a warm, comforting shoulder to cry on or to deliver the pointed pep talk to motivate me when I needed it. Her love always made me feel protected, supported and secure.

     My mother imparted her wisdom and love in the small and in the big things she did. She prepared meals when she was tired. She smiled when she was sad. She forgave when she was hurt. When I didn’t feel well, she was the first person to check on me to make sure I was drinking enough fluids and getting enough rest. If I wanted or needed something, more often than not she surprised me with that desired object weeks or months later. By then, I had often forgotten that I even mentioned wanting or pointing it out to her, which made her present even more special to me.

     My mother was my greatest confidant, my very best friend. She was one of the few people with whom I can sit in comfortable silence and just be in the moment. She was someone I can laugh with about the goings-on in one of our favorite television shows, compare favorite recipes and discuss the heavy issues we heard about in the news. She showed me by example how to give love and respect the people I care about. She taught me so much about life by just watching her live hers. 

       To my most beloved mother and yours, I wish you a very happy Mother’s Day!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016