When Denial Causes Sleep Problems

(This blog was originally posted on September 13, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Have you ever had problems sleeping after ending a romantic relationship? If so, you are not alone. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., continuing to hold onto the former partner and unresolved grief about the ended relationship is often the cause of this problem. 

Sleeping problems can take the form of interrupted sleep or insomnia. The hypnotherapist deduced that denial of the emotional and even physical pain an individual can experience at the end of a relationship produces this sleep pattern. Indeed, this behavior may be a subconscious defense mechanism to interrupt a dream that would confirm the relationship is really over. “Denial covers up depression, and you’re really covering up depressive sleep,” Dr. Kappas explained.

Sometimes, it is only until some time has passed after a relationship has ended that a person truly realizes that it is over, the hypnotherapist explained. Continuing to “hang onto” an emotional attachment to the former partner inhibits or even prevents going through the grief and depression stages of loss that would facilitate letting go of the relationship. In this situation, the person is likely to get stuck in the denial stage of this process.

“As long as you’re in the denial stage, it’s next to impossible to replace [the lost relationship]. You have to go through the stages of loss in order to go forward and start developing another relationship,” Dr. Kappas said. To facilitate this process, he advised giving a client specific suggestions to have a venting dream that will allow the person to release, or “vent out,” unresolved feelings and work through the end of the former relationship: “You’re going to sleep soundly and deeply throughout the night, and the reason you’re going to sleep soundly and deeply is that you’re going to prepare to let something go. You’ve made a decision that you’re going to relax the denial mechanism on [the specified date].”

Dr. Kappas said it is important to include a specific date by which the client has the venting dream, such as to coincide with the next (follow-up) hypnotherapy session, to start working through the various stages of loss. This process should help reinstate the person’s normal sleeping pattern and come to terms with the end of the previous relationship, he explained.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

The Saddest Thing I Ever Heard

(This blog was originally posted on September 6, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

Recently, I heard a news story that absolutely broke my heart. In August 2016, a four-year-old-girl was rescued from an abusive home in Hot Springs, Arkansas.¹ When police officers rescued her she reportedly told them that her name was “Idiot” because that’s what her mother’s boyfriend allegedly called her. Apparently, she was called that so often that she didn’t even know her real name.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. Eventually, this treatment becomes part of our subconscious mental script as we also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions. All of this can and does affect self-confidence and self-esteem, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. No matter what the “message” is, the more you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to believe and even “own” that message. When everyone around you constantly bombards you with so much criticism and negativity, including referring to you as an idiot or some other derogatory slur, it’s no surprise that your self-confidence and self-esteem take a hit. It’s really only a matter of time until you start to believe in the negative hype, and when you are as young and impressionable as this child it takes even less time to create a negative mental script.

Now that this little girl has been found and her alleged abusers—her mother and her mother’s boyfriend—are in custody, she can start to heal from the psychological damage she endured as well as her physical injuries and emaciation. Hopefully the inner resources that helped her endure the negative treatment and messages she received during these early years will also help her to heal, thrive and find happiness, safety and security throughout the rest of her life. 

1.        “Abused 4-Year-Old Child Tells Police Her Name Is ‘Idiot’: Mother, Boyfriend Charged After Abuse Reported” by Anneclaire Stapleton, CNN. http://www.clickorlando.com/news/national/abused-4yearold-child-tells-police-her-name-is-idiot

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

     Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” – Deepak Chopra

• “You can change your life and live the life you want simply by changing your thoughts.” – Bruce Van Horn

• “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” – Milton Berle

• “The single most important vital step on your journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from your mind. Every time you create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of your consciousness grows stronger.” – Eckhart  Tolle

• “You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” – Maya Angelou

• “You can never change things by holding on to the existing reality.” – Lolly Daskal

• “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” – Jim Rohn

• “Hope is a waking dream.” – Aristotle

• “People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.” – Harper Lee

• “Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.” – H. Jackson Brown

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017