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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Schadenfreude and the Law of Attraction

(This blog was originally posted on March 14, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

There is a scene in International Velvet when a horse on a rival Olympic team knocks down a pole and incurs a points-error. When the protagonist’s aunt Velvet sees the error on television, she shouts, “Good!” The opponent’s error has made a little more room for her niece, Sarah, to secure a team gold medal if she can get around the course without making any mistakes. (Of course, she does.) But that doesn’t happen before Velvet’s partner, John, raises an eyebrow and comments, “That’s not very sporting of you!”

Schadenfreude.

I came across this word in the context of the plot in A Trick of the Light, a novel by Louise Penny, which I finished reading a few weeks ago. Basically, it means “deriving pleasure from someone else’s misfortune.” In the book, one of the characters is finally enjoying the critical recognition of her talent at a private show for her paintings, followed by a celebratory barbecue at her home. However, her husband and some friends discover the body of a former friend/enemy their garden the following day. The artist wants to celebrate the success of her show and budding career, but she feels guilty about wanting her art to be lauded even after the crime that happened in front of her home. Perhaps more disturbing to her is the eventual realization that her husband, a successful artist, has actually been jealous of her talent for many years and secretly hoped that the murder might derail her success a little bit.

In addition to the scenarios described above, Urban Dictionary lists several common examples of this experience: hearing someone shout “Hold the door!” while running for an elevator, only to reach the lift just as the door shuts. Or, a straight-A student missing one question on a five-question quiz to bring the test score down to a B (80 percent). How about when the quarterback on the opposing team gets sacked after preventing your team from scoring a touch-down? Another example might be watching the value of a company’s stock shares plummet right after you have been fired. And so on.

It is not uncommon or even unnatural to feel happy about or want to get a small bit of compensation for our own misfortune. But, how “good” does it really feel? Does it make you feel happy? Relieved? Or, do you scramble for all of the reasons why the other person deserved this misfortune or inconvenience so you can justify feeling good about it? Human emotions can be very tricky things. They can be accompanied by physiological sensations such as palpitations, change in breathing, trembling, etc. Sometimes censorial thoughts from the conscious mind (and conscience) intrude on these celebrations, too: Why do I feel good about someone else feeling bad?

Try this simple technique to get a different perspective about what is going on inside and around you: Draw a deep, calming breath and hold this air in your lungs for four seconds. Do not think about the situation, your emotions or why you think/imagine you felt the way you do or did when the situation first occurred. Instead, focus your attention on your breath and someone or something that brings you a lot of love and joy. Perhaps it is your spouse, or your kids, a pet, your job, a hobby, etc. Then, as you exhale, release the breath on the word love. Repeat this exercise several times to reinforce this positive direction of your attention.

In his book, Success Is Not an Accident: The Mental Bank Concept, Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., explains how the mental scripts we program into our subconscious mind determine the outcome of our actions. Whether we imagine a positive or negative result, the SCM follows that subconscious mental script to actualize the goal you “want.” When we focus on enjoying the negative outcome another person is experiencing, we may also be reinforcing a subconscious desire for a similar negative event to happen to us. Conversely, when we send out positive, encouraging energy to celebrate another person’s success, we are also telling the subconscious mind, I want success, too! Whether that success includes getting into an elevator before the door closes or celebrating your partner’s triumphant art show, wishing another person well is more likely to attract good things to you than the temporary pleasure of schadenfreude ever could.

For more information about the Law of Attraction, I invite you to read my blog titled Intuition and the Law of Attraction and check out the book resources on this topic in Suggested Reading.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Time Management

(This blog was originally posted on January 6, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Many people fulfill several roles in their daily life. They juggle the role of parent, spouse or romantic partner, athlete, friend, etc., plus the myriad responsibilities they fulfill at work. Sometimes it feels like a full-time job to just keep track of who you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing at any given moment. Here are some suggestions to help you relax and be completely “present” in whatever you are doing—no matter how much (or little) time you spend in that role.

Square breathe. Draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it to the count of four, then exhale through your mouth. As you inhale, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are inhaling calm, focus, patience and any word that you associate with feeling powerful and in control. As you exhale, allow any stress, frustration or negative energy or emotion that you identify in your body.

Anchor this new sensation by pressing or rubbing the thumb and index (pointing) finger of either hand. This action physically “anchors” your subconscious mind to the calm, relaxed state of focused energy that you will be able to access as you fulfill each role.

Prioritize what you need to do. Make a list—mental or write it down—of what needs your attention. The first item should be what needs to be done right now. What is the next priority, and so on?

If a project is particularly complicated or involved, break that big project into several smaller, more manageable “chunks.” Even though the final project is the same, it is psychologically easier—and more rewarding—to tackle small portions of it at a time.

Stay organized and on-task. Make sure that you have all of the material(s) available and on-hand to achieve your goal or complete your project.

Unless the project absolutely demands this kind of contact or you are waiting for someone in your group to arrive, turn off/silence your phone or computer. Technology makes our lives easier in many ways, but the temptation to check for unrelated text messages or voice-mail and browse the Internet for something-that-might-be-useful-but-is-actually-totally-unrelated to what you are doing, is almost always more distracting than helpful.

Complete each task according to its priority before you tackle the next one!

Whether you are supervising a project at work, spending quality time with your family or just chilling out with your friends, each activity will place a specific demand on your attention and the time you spend doing...whatever. It is important to dedicate as much time as you want or need to this activity, but make sure that your focus is completely on that project. You, and whatever you are doing or working on, deserve nothing less—and you will value the time you spend focusing on this endeavor even more.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Mental Block, Mental Overload

Photo by Rick Hustead

Some people are great at sports. Some people are wonderful painters or sculptors. Some people are fabulous wordsmiths. Regardless of their expertise, almost everyone experiences that horrifying moment of “choking” on the playing field or unable to harness that muse to create another masterpiece. When we hear the term “writer’s block,” it is common to imagine that the person suffering this very painful and stressful condition has no ideas for a subject to write about. But this is not always the case, as Carrie Ann Golden explained in her blog titled, “Sometimes Having Too Many Creative Ideas Hurt.”¹ Indeed, in this situation having too many creative inspirations can be equally paralyzing as we feel we do not have enough resources/skills/opportunities to express every idea that has come to us. Believe it or not, this situation is actually a direct path to, and example of, being in hypnosis.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., the state of hypnosis occurs when an overload of message units disorganizes the inhibitory process (Critical Mind), triggering the fight/flight response and creating a hyper-suggestible state that provides access to the subconscious mind. This deluge of message units comes from the environment, the body, the conscious mind or the subconscious mind. We “escape” from this overload by going into hypnosis. Although hypnosis is generally perceived as a very comfortable and relaxing physical state, it is common—and even necessary—to experience some anxiety on the way to expressing the creative ideas bottled up inside.

To help a client overcome Writer’s Block or a similar creative obstruction, the first thing I must often do is de-hypnotize the person. This is a necessary step to release any previous subconscious mental scripts the person has created or follows regarding why he or she cannot or will not commit to one of those ideas. Sometimes the individual needs to learn how to allow the creative process to evolve and even be willing to discard an idea or plan that doesn’t seem so feasible or practical in the long run. Other times, the key to creative success lies in helping the person give himself or herself permission to pursue the topic that is most inspiring and motivational.

During hypnosis, I provide relevant suggestions to help my client organize and express these idea(s) creatively. Someone whose block is created by an overload of ideas may also appreciate the hypnotic suggestion that there is plenty of room in the subconscious mind to file and store inspirations for future projects. At the end of the session, once the client has returned to a fully alert and aware state I teach the individual how to count out of hypnosis to prevent this kind of overload during the creative process.

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