Forgiveness

(This blog was originally posted on September 15, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Have you ever got stuck in a blame-game with someone, refusing to accept some responsibility for your role in the situation or to accept the other person’s apology for hurting you? Do you ever hold onto the anger and emotional pain about something that occurred so long ago that you don’t even feel those emotions anymore but keep holding onto them because…you don’t even know why? Would you be willing to let go of all that negative energy if you knew this release would help you feel better, to be at peace and free you from the emotional baggage you have been dragging around? 

I recently saw this quote from Inspirationboost.com, and it really resonated with me: “Forgive. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” 

At some point during our lifetime, someone hurts us. This injury may be physical or metaphoric, intentional or accidental, but long after the physical wounds have healed some emotional scars continue to feel raw. To assuage this pain and gain a sense of control over what happened, we may claim that the injury was justified or believe that we somehow brought it on ourselves. Indeed, it can be very difficult to see past this pain when someone you once cared about is hurling verbal and legal barbs your way during an acrimonious divorce or dissolution of a business or social relationship. You may even resent and even guilt/shame for having ever trusted him or her with your heart (and your finances).

The problem with holding onto these negative emotions is you are the one who continues to suffer emotional pain long after the relationship is ended and you and the other person have parted ways for good. Whenever you dwell on the negative events that happened during the relationship and the sadness or anger that you felt at the time, you reinforce the strength and the habit of feeling (and feeding) those negative emotions. This continued bombardment of thoughts, memories and negative associations with the past relationship overloads the conscious mind, triggering the fight/flight mechanism and putting you in an even more hyper-suggestible state (hypnosis). Since we are most suggestible to ourselves, every time we repeat a thought or behavior you reinforce its strength and power in your subconscious mind. In other words, you are hypnotizing yourself to perpetuate this unwanted behavior. Ultimately, the most effective way to heal from that hurt is to forgive the person who inflicted it so you can pursue the life that you want and deserve to be living.

       

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2019

Back in the Saddle Again

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan


Lunge-lessons are a great way to work on and improve riding
skills and rebuild self-confidence after a fall.

 

I am sure that most people—even non-equestrians—have heard the expression that you must get right back on the horse if it bucks you off. It is not about teaching the horse a lesson or proving that we won’t let him “beat us.” Contrary to popular belief, this philosophy is actually about helping riders to regain their self-confidence after a fall or other negative experience with a horse. This philosophy has even become a metaphor for picking yourself up and overcoming a challenge in various contexts (work, relationships, riding a bike). It also happens to be a perfect example of how I use hypnotherapy to help my clients replace negative associations to a person or event with a new “known” or positive association with that situation.

Few horses are malicious in that they intend to buck off or “lose” their riders. Regardless of the cause of the incident, provided you and your horse are physically unhurt and able to do continue, it is very important (psychologically) for you to get back on your horse. This is because as more time passes between the fall and riding again, your subconscious mind is strengthening the new, negative association(s) between riding, that specific horse and any negative self-talk that may be in bouncing around in your mind. You want to eradicate and replace any of those negative associations with positive ones of enjoying yourself and riding/spending time with your equine partner. You don’t have to ride fast or even very far. If you are more comfortable riding in a smaller arena than going on a trail ride, that’s fine. Do this work where you feel most comfortable—even if it is standing still with another person or your instructor holding the horse on a line. The objective of this part of the ride is to create new positive associations between your horse, being on and with your horse, feeling comfortable, being relaxed and enjoying yourself. Focus on taking slow, deep breaths. Pat your horse and reassure him that you are still there and that everything is okay. (By the way, these actions will comfort and relax you, too.)

I hope these suggestions help you to relax and enjoy the time you spend with your horse, regardless of what is going on around you. I am not a riding instructor, and I encourage everyone to consult with a trainer or instructor to resolve riding and horse-related issues. However, I have found from personal experience as well as my hypnotherapy work with other equestrians that setting positive expectations for a good ride is the most effective way to achieve that goal. For more information about my hypnotherapy work with equestrians, please contact me via my website at www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.