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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
A
few years ago, as I was switching channels on the television, I happened to
catch a couple minutes of a rodeo competition on RFDTV.
As I recall, a rider was climbing onto a very large bull, waiting for the chute
to open and begin his round. The television announcer started providing a bit
of background about the man, including a very interesting detail. Apparently,
the rider had recently recovered from a broken collar bone. However,
his posture on the animal indicated that he was subconsciously “protecting” the
previously injured area, which could undermine his success during the round, the
announcer warned. A doctor had cleared the rider to compete, so the man was
obviously healthy, fit and strong enough to ride a bucking bull again. However,
the rider’s subconscious mind didn’t completely believe this prognosis, which
could undermine his self-confidence and actual ability to ride well and stay
safe.
Most
of us can probably identify with this phenomenon. Whether we are coming back
from a long illness or get hurt participating in a sport or performing a task at
work, it’s natural to favor other areas of the body to protect the injured area.
Sometimes this means that we assume very strange postures or physical
contortions, which ultimately puts undue extra strain on the healthy/intact body
part.
We
also do this metaphorically to protect ourselves from emotional pain or
discomfort, such as following the end of a relationship or loss through
bereavement or geographic relocation. We build metaphoric walls around our
feelings (hearts), and use sarcasm and even cruel comments to discourage anyone
from trying to break through and establish a bond. Have you ever sworn to “never
fall in love again” when your true love breaks your heart, or to never buy or
adopt another pet after a beloved companion animal has died? These behaviors
serve the same purpose: to protect that vulnerable or injured part of ourselves
from future pain by blocking off or using defensive behaviors to guard that
area from further injury.
In
fact, the desire to avoid emotional pain is so ingrained that the subconscious
mind has specific strategies to protect us from these risks. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., an Emotional
Sexual individual uses rationality and intellect to distance (separate)
him- or herself from a potentially contentious (romantic) situation to protect
these vulnerable emotions. The Emotional Sexual person always wants to maintain
control, and the best way to do this is to literally “turn off” the feelings
or, at very least, to segregate sexual desire from emotional entanglement.
While a Physical
Sexual individual uses his or her body (sex) to protect the person from
emotional vulnerability, sex and love are often indistinguishable in this
person’s mind. If and when this person feels threatened emotionally—in other
words, fears rejection by the partner—he or she tends to become very clingy and
needy, trying to keep the lover close by and thus “under control.” Of course,
these behaviors only push the other person further away and open fresh
emotional wounds.
When
it comes to recovering from a broken bone or a broken heart, many times the
best course for complete recovery is to step back for a little (or long) while and
let that real or metaphoric fracture to heal. Loosen the reins or hold you have
on that volatile situation; let it run its course without so much intervention
but enough confidence in your ability to either stay the course or safely
separate from it to ride or love again another day.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2016
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