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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
Lying,
losing
syndrome, procrastination, the desire to control authority and a tendency
to lose a job/ get fired are all manifestations of passive-aggressive behavior,
observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute
founder John Kappas Ph.D. and his colleague,
psychiatrist Dr. Ron Hodges, M.D. Furthermore, a passive-aggressive
person typically has very childlike, neurotic behavior, low-self-esteem, is
not assertive and tends to be impulsive. This person also tells lies to control
authority figures and avoid conflict with other people. The decision to tell
the truth (or not) depends on how the person believes or expects the other
party to react, Dr. Kappas explained. However, these deceptions usually only
make the situation worse for the person.
“Sooner
or later, lies catch up with you,” he said.
According
to developmental psychologist Erik
Erikson, passive-aggressive behavior typically begins between the ages of
three and six years. This age span is categorized as the third, or play
age/loco-motor stage of development, when the youngster is developing a sense
of independence. At this age, a child is motivated to try new things and show
initiative. However, if the parents/guardians discourage or even punish the
child for asserting independence this way, he or she is likely to become angry,
frustrated and/or guilty and behave in various ways to “punish” the parents,
Dr. Kappas said.
However,
it is the passive-aggressive person who typically suffers the consequences of
this behavior. For example, a child may insist that he doesn’t have to use the
toilet before going on a car trip and then wets his pants five minutes into the
journey. In adulthood, this behavior may carry over so the person sabotages his
career. If there are conflicts in a romantic relationship, the person may leave
clues that she is having an affair so the partner deduces what is going on
without her actually having to confess about the other relationship.
To
help a client resolve such passive-aggressive behavior, Dr. Kappas recommended working
to increase the person’s self-confidence and self-esteem. “The lying will
decrease as confidence builds.” The next step is to expose and desensitize the
person to different situations that could trigger the lying response. The
hypnotherapist should also work with the client to be able to face people and
diplomatically resolve conflicts, which will also reduce the urge to tell a
lie, the HMI founder added.
It
is important to construct a framework in which a client can cognitively,
consciously identify and understand how and why he uses passive-aggressive
behavior to deal with a conflict. In hypnosis, therapeutic techniques such as
role-playing, hypnodrama or guided imagery can help identify, address and
desensitize the person to various stimuli that trigger lying. (For example, have
the client imagine talking to the boss to ask for a raise.) While the person is
relaxed and in hypnosis, the hypnotherapist should give suggestions that replace
the person’s negative/self-destructive behaviors (e.g., passive-aggression)
with constructive beliefs about increased self-worth/self-confidence and positive
behaviors (e.g., problem-solving skills).
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2016
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