(This blog was originally posted on March 4, 2014)
Imagine
that you are having a conversation with your partner or spouse about your plans
for the weekend. The conversation is relatively banal until the other person
casually mentions that you still haven’t replied to the neighbor’s invitation
to their party on Saturday. “Are we going or not?”
Bam! It’s like someone flipped a switch
in you. Just like that, the joking mood and light-hearted banter evaporate in
the heat of your sudden, apparently inexplicable rage: “Why are you asking me? You sound just like my mother. Why can’t
you ever make a decision about what
to do?”
Or, you are
watching a movie in happy, relaxed silence when your companion starts
whispering (loud) comments about the film in your ear. Another person in the
audience glares at you and hisses, “Sshhh!” even though you haven’t said a
word. You are furious that you have been blamed for the disturbance—especially
because this incident is so like that
time you were punished for talking during silent-reading period at school
(twenty years ago), and you didn’t say anything then, either. Your companion,
who is indifferent to the other movie-goer’s annoyance and oblivious to the
memory it has triggered in you, is hurt and confused because you barely speak
to him the rest of the night. Didn’t you like the movie?
These
are examples of the parataxic response:
a reaction to a subconscious memory that is totally unrelated to the person or
incident that you are responding to. Anything from the tone of voice in which a
question was asked, a facial expression or the specific words that another
person used could trigger this reaction. The power of this emotional response
are likely to take the person responding this way by surprise, not to mention the
unintended target(s) of this reaction.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in
2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®
and to set up an appointment, please
visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2014
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