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It
is easy—too easy—to get carried away
while planning somebody else’s life. From the moment a baby is born, its proud
relatives start imagining the kind of fulfilling, exciting and successful life
this new person will ultimately live. Will Baby grow up to be President of the
United States one day? Will Baby become a doctor, lawyer, soldier, police
officer or firefighter like Mom or Dad? Maybe our newborn is destined to live a
life in the limelight as an actor or, even marry the heir to a throne in Europe
and will become a monarch one day. (Hey, it’s happened before, why not to our
tot?)
There
are a few problems with this fantasy game. First, each person who “plays” it can
only project the possibilities that already exist as knowns in his or her mind. It is common to imagine your young child
or loved one follow a similar life path as your own, because this is what you
already know; this is your comfort zone. If you have chosen the same career as one
of your parents, this association is likely to be reinforced even more: “Of course, Baby will do this, since
generations of our family are already in this career!” Maybe Baby will do that;
he or she will receive plenty of conscious and subconscious message units about
this vocation, and is likely to nurture a subconscious mental script about it. But,
what if other people’s plan for you isn’t what you truly want for yourself?
What if you don’t even know what you want to do, or change your mind (and
switch careers) down the road? How do you break this news to your “very disappointed”
family?
The
second problem with this fantasy game is that each person may be influenced to
pursue a life path that in which parents/caretakers and other relatives have no
experience at all. For example, I decided that I wanted to be a psychologist at
the tender age of 11. This decision was actually inspired by another student in
my sixth-grade class who declared that this was what she wanted to do. I honestly
didn’t know much about psychology back then, but I must have decided that
career sounded pretty cool, and declared “psychology” as my college major eight
years later.
The third
problem with this game is that none of us know where our lives will ultimately take
us, even when we have a definite career or life/lifestyle in play. Ten years
after I earned a research Master’s degree in psychology in another country, I was
working as an editor of a martial arts magazine when I finally found my way
back to my original choice of vocation. Well, not the original choice, but very
close. The day I started my training to become a hypnotherapist, I realized
that this was the work I really
wanted to do and should be doing. Perhaps my decision to abandon what could
have been a very successful career in journalism was impulsive, impetuous and
even short-sighted; but I have never looked back.
My young nephews
recently also announced what they would like to do when they grow up. My family
often has fun imagining ways that they can (or will) achieve their goals. In
fact, we recently went to town embellishing details of how the youngest boy’s
career can and will be successful (and fun for us, too). I know that’s not fair
to him; he may well change his mind about what he wants to do, anyway. There
was a time when I thought I would like to be a writer. One of my friends still (occasionally) tells me that I should
be an author and how disappointed he is that I didn’t choose writing as my
vocation. Whatever. I know that I made the right decision for me. There is
really nothing like the feeling of doing what you know you want to do, what you are meant to do and what you truly
enjoy doing.
If it takes a
long and winding road to get where you know you are meant to be, so much the
better.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a
certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with
honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/
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