Choices

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Sometimes the only choice we have is how
and whether to react to a situation.

 

            It may not feel this way all the time, but we always have a choice to make. Should I go or stay? Should I wear this outfit or that one? Should I paint the walls blue or white? Should I believe what you are telling me or not? And so on. But even when there is not an obvious difference in your material options, you can always choose your how you behave or react to a situation.

            I understand how very difficult it can be to remain calm and dispassionate when something happens that interrupts your plans for the day, week or month. Aside from the practical inconveniences that you now must deal with, you likely have to manage your emotional disappointment, frustration and even anger. Other than the temporary release that swearing a blue streak, punching a hole in the wall or getting into a physical altercation with the person who “ruined” your day may provide, these actions are seldom productive. However, a different perspective on this new situation may help.

·         Remember: Not every aspect of our lives is in our control. Sometimes things just happen, and the people who rise above those little (and big) challenges in their lives are the ones who can flow with, adapt to and even rise above them.

·         Patience is the gift that keeps on giving. In her book The Power of Patience, M.J. Ryan explores the various way that being patient with yourself and the people in your life can literally open up new opportunities (www.maryjaneryan.com). However, she warns, the key to capitalizing on this success is in knowing when and for how long you should be patient (wait) versus reach for the great opportunity that seems to be calling your name. Like the children’s story about the tortoise and the hare, sometimes focus/quiet consideration, diligence and persistence to achieve your goal are more effective strategies to attain it than charging directly into the fray to stake your claim.

·         Be generous and understanding/compassionate toward others even when you are inconvenienced. Similar to patience, every now and then we must all step aside or even take a step backward and give another person the benefit of the doubt when events in his or her life take precedence over your own. I liken this situation to the sign posted in each examining room at a local veterinary practice. The sign informs clients that the doctors must sometimes devote extra time to a very sick patient (the animal), and they ask for the humans’ understanding and forgiveness if a vet can’t see their pet at the scheduled time. I couldn't begrudge them that; could you?

·         Correct your “thinking errors” with cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques. A “thinking error” refers to making broad cognitive (thinking) distortions or misinterpretations of an event or situation. An example of a thinking error would be your certainty that the world is conspiring against you because this freeway closure will make you late for work again, you’ve lost your house key and misplaced your cell phone twice this week. CBT facilitates a more balanced and accurate interpretation of those events and their likely cause(s), as well as help you to develop strategies to resolve conflicts that may develop from them.

Next time you are faced with a practical choice to make or are deprived of one altogether, remember that your emotional response is probably the most important decision you will make in that situation (albeit initially less obvious). Practice diaphragmatic breathing to clear your mind and help you to focus on these choices, your interpretation of what is going on in this situation and the possible implications of this belief(s). In addition to helping you relax, this technique will give yourself more time to consider all of your options and opportunities before you commit to a thought, verbal or physical action that you may not mean and cannot take back.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.