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Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Mutts© Comics and the Systems Approach

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on August 15, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

I am a devoted fan of Patrick McDonnell’s Mutts© comic strip. During the week of (August 11-August 14, 2014, two of the regular “seaside” characters, Crabby and Mrs. Crabby, were having a marital crisis. Not only was the king crab feeling “happy” and content, he had suddenly become very kind and even solicitous to his wife. Mrs. Crabby was beside herself with worry because she had no idea how to deal with his sudden change in behavior or attitude. She literally did not “know” her husband since he was no longer grumpy and complaining. The Crabby relationship was in jeopardy because the basic system of their marriage had been disrupted.

The source or reason for Crabby’s sudden attitude change wasn’t revealed; it didn’t matter that his gentler, more considerate nature might have ultimately improved the overall quality of their communication their relationship. Remember, doesn’t even matter if the “change” is for the better and could even improve the overall quality of their interactions or communication. According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, anything new is unknown and, therefore, painful. This behavior was very painful to him and Mrs. Crabby—so painful, in fact, that they had to enlist the help of a marriage counselor (an octopus) to help restore the usual status quo and save their relationship.

Right away, I knew that a Systems Theory Approach would be the most effective way to address this conflict. The basic premise of the Systems Approach is: every component of a social/emotional system affects the entire system. Whenever one member of that social system changes his or her behavior in any way, that change could still destroy the relationship if the other parties are resistant toward it. The ultimate goal of a Systems Approach is to bring the original System back into balance.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, this approach infiltrates all areas of therapy regardless of what the client’s problem or issue happens to be. Even if only one member of the family or one spouse or partner in a relationship is seeking therapy, that issue must be dealt with within the context of the client’s own system. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must address components in the person’s work, relationships, family past, the hypnotherapy he or she is receiving, plus aspects of the entire social system or relationship. If these other issues aren’t taken into account, the therapy won’t be successful and only the issue being addressed in therapy will be “treated” (improved or eliminated) per the client’s goal, Dr. Kappas warned.

The presenting issue of Crabby and Mrs. Crabby’s case was marital accord, a complete aberration of their normal interactions. If the (hypno)therapist doesn’t keep Mrs. Crabby in mind during the therapy, she is liable to walk out of the marriage because she has not been taken into account within the “system.” Fortunately, both of these spouses were willing to come in for (hypno)therapy to work on their marital issues and learned some techniques to help them restore the natural balance of the relationship.

I am pleased to report that the “therapy” worked, Crabby is back to being his usual “crabby” self and he and Mrs. Crabby is delighted with the results! You can read about their relationship at https://muttscomics.com/strips-archive.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website.

Mimicry. Imitation. Communiation.

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 2, 2014)

Photo by Jennifer Berkowitz

I recently witnessed something very interesting. While I was hanging out with my horse yesterday, a crow sitting on a branch in the tree beside me started to imitate the “honk” of some geese next door to my trainer’s property. I know that crows are exceptionally bright, but I have never seen or heard anything like that. I don’t believe that this was just a case of mimicry, either: the crow deliberately honked to the goose several times as if trying to get the other bird’s attention. When it finally responded, the crow honked right back a few times and then waited for the goose to communicate again. Meanwhile, another crow nearby cawed at the original one in the tree; the first crow responded in kind a few times and then resumed its calls to the goose. How cool is that?

This incident made me think about the different ways people imitate another person’s voices in speech and in song. Not just the words someone else says but also even the tone, pitch, rhythm/cadence of the words and even regional dialect or accent. Why do we do this, and how—and when—do we know that we are getting it right? For example, when I lived in England while I worked on my post-graduate degree, I gradually developed a slight lilt in my voice. I didn’t notice this change in my speech until I returned to the United States and people commented that I had developed a cool accent while I was away. This change made perfect sense, as the people with whom I worked, lived and socialized were British; over time, my subconscious mind accepted these accents as a new known and I eventually adopted it (or a version of it) as my own.

Similarly, I often sing along when a favorite song comes on the radio or my iPod. My conscious mind knows that I do not sound anything Celine Dion, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Bon Jovi or Tim McGraw, but I still try to imitate those singers’ voices when I’m singing along to their songs. Why won’t my subconscious mind let me give up that ghost and sing without trying to sound like someone I’m not? Even when I consciously try to sing in my own voice, in the back of my mind I can still imagine hearing what one of those performers sound like and I catch myself trying to sing the same way.

My answer to that question may be found in Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. Dr. Kappas stated that from the moment we are born we start to develop a subconscious life script by learning specific behaviors through association and identification. Even though most of this script is written by the time we are about eight years old, the mind continues to take in more information which the subconscious mind may accept or reject. For example, we learned how to talk by associating and identifying specific words that a primary caretaker taught us, and then we imitated this behavior (e.g., how to move our mouths to create words) to speak. Over time, we also modeled other people to learn and correct our pronunciation and increase our vocabulary. Many parents or caretakers sing to their young children, which may explain people’s fondness for listening to music and singing, or participating in these activities ourselves. And, just like we did when we learned how to speak, once we learn the words to a song we like we subconsciously imitate the way the singer performs the lyrics.

I wonder if the crow I observed yesterday was unintentionally imitating the neighbor’s goose to communicate with the other bird the same way humans do in speech and song.

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

The Paris Window

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on February 24, 2017)

Photo by Rick Hustead

One of my favorite techniques to help a client find out what is really going on in the person’s life—i.e., the cause or foundation of the issue he or she wishes to address—is the Paris Window. This is a diagram of a box containing four squares. Each square features a question that is designed to clarify and bring the subconscious issue/motivation behind the unwanted behavior into conscious awareness.

This is what a Paris Window looks like:

Q: How do you feel about the problem?

Q: How do you think other people feel about your problem?

Q: How do you feel about how other people feel about your problem?

The Actual Problem

I use the Paris Window during the cognitive (alert) portion of the hypnotherapy. It is a particularly effective way to discover any underlying, subconscious motivation(s) behind the person’s unwanted behaviors that may be preventing the desired behavior change. One benefit of this technique is that it is very visceral: the person can literally watch a story about the origins or basis of this subconscious resistance evolve while writing the responses to each question (ideomotor response). Once the issue is revealed, I discuss it with the client in terms of his or her beliefs and feelings about the problem/conflict, motivations to change or get rid of the unwanted behavior and strategies to accomplish this. Finally, when the person is in hypnosis, I incorporate specific suggestions in his or her hypnotic script to help the person implement these new beliefs or behaviors to help actualize this self-improvement goal.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Getting Control in the Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 4, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

When it comes to relationships, Physical Sexual and Emotional Sexual partners have very different needs and desires. A Physical Sexual controls the Emotional Sexual partner with guilt. Relationships are very important to this personality, and if the relationship ever seems to be in jeopardy the Physical Sexual will do just about anything to rescue and preserve the relationship.

Whereas the Physical Sexual experiences very little guilt, the Emotional Sexual partner is laden with it, observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder Dr. John Kappas. Therefore, to maintain control in the relationship, the Physical Sexual partner must never release that hold until the person gets what he or she wants, he advised. The Physical Sexual is also easily hurt, such as in instances of betrayal, and can be vindictive. “They really hold onto that hurt,” he said.

Conversely, the Emotional Sexual controls a Physical Sexual partner by rejection or withholding emotion. The Emotional Sexual tends to be defensive and protective, and generally has difficulty expressing his or her true feelings, Dr. Kappas explained. Furthermore, the Emotional Sexual also gets over failed relationships fairly quickly. This personality tends to need more space and does not place as high a priority on relationships as the Physical Sexual tends to do. The more the Emotional Sexual withdraws to create more space for him- or herself in the relationship, the more desperate the Physical becomes to reconnect. Paradoxically, this behavior only irritates the Emotional Sexual partner, and he or she tends to withdraw from the partner even more.

Sex is another area where the Emotional and Physical partners tend to try to control each other, the hypnotherapist pointed out. Both male and female Physical Sexual partners crave closeness after intercourse, but an Emotional Sexual male wants to get his orgasm over with and move on to something else. Whereas a Physical Sexual female wants her partner to “prove” that he cares about her through intimacy, a Physical Sexual male can control his partner through his release (ejaculation), Dr. Kappas said. Finally, the Emotional Sexual female wants to figure out how to manipulate or control her Physically Sexual male partner.

“It’s a lot easier for a hypnotherapist to work with couples where there’s an Emotional Sexual female and a Physical Sexual male, because it’s easier to ‘mold’ the Emotional Sexual female than it is to mold the Emotional Sexual male. Plus, she suffers a lot of guilt,” Dr. Kappas said.

For more information about how to address the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual personalities’ response to rejection, I invite you to check out my blog titled, Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy.

Thursday, September 22, 2022

The Best Time to Write Affirmations

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 6, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

A lot of people write affirmations to reinforce positive behaviors and attitudes that they have adopted to change and improve their lives. I write affirmations, and I encourage my hypnotherapy clients to do this as well.

The best time to write affirmations is 30 minutes after you wake up or 30 minutes before you drift off to sleep. These times are important because this is when your subconscious mind is most receptive to these messages. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, negative and positive, so be sure to use positive imagery and words that will reinforce your positive behaviors and attitudes. I also advise my clients to not watch or listen to the news or any programs/broadcasts that may contain negative or violent messages/imagery before bed.

It's Only the Wind: Anticipatory Anxiety and Equestrians

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 15, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

One of the first things people learn about horses is that these animals (can) shy or “spook” at anything and everything—but wind is Public Enemy Number One. Even if it is just an errant breeze rustling the leaves in a tree overhead on an otherwise still day, the breath catches in our lungs and our heart pounding in our chest. If the Santa Ana Winds snaps a tree bough nearby, all bets are off: we instinctively prepare our bodies to make an unscheduled dismount in case (when) our horses bolt and head back to the security of the barn. We tighten our grip and/or shorten the reins (to get better control of the horse’s head and try to prevent him from looking at anything), collapse our ribcage and assume a “fetal position,” as described by Sally Swift, look down at the ground (ostensibly to choose the perfect landing spot, just in case) and tighten every muscle in the body as we prepare to hang onto our panicked steed (if we can) as soon as he takes off.

Your subconscious mind is likely to send these kinds of instructions to your body if your subconscious mental script and previous experience, knowledge and expectations tell you that this is how your horse will react in a specific situation. Consequently, your anticipation of a possible problem, or “anticipatory anxiety,” will virtually guarantee that your horse will act like there is really a problem because your body has told him that there is one. Here are some suggestions and visualization exercises that I provide for equestrians to override this automatic fear response so you can both enjoy the ride.

Be sure to eat some protein before you ride/work with your horse to help reduce anxiety and stabilize your mood. (For more information about the role of nutrition and anxiety, see my blog titled Nutrition and Development of Phobias).
Spend a few minutes practicing deep-breathing exercises before you go out to work with or ride your horse. While you are relaxing in an area of peace and quiet, visualize, imagine or picture the kind of ride you want to have with your horse. Sit up straight and tall in the saddle. This posture enables you breathe deeply and easily, which will help you to relax. It also tells your subconscious mind that you are relaxed and confident.
Think about/reflect on a very good ride or time that you recently spent with your horse. Bring up the positive images and emotions associated with that experience and then anchor that association by pressing or rubbing together the thumb and index (pointing) finger of either hand. You can activate this anchor any time to remind yourself how good, enjoyable, etc. it is to ride or be with your horse.
Send/think only positive images and expectations about the ride you are about to have: “I am confident and relaxed when I am on my horse. I am having a great ride.” Only use adjectives and emotions in this imagery that will increase your confidence, sense of control, etc. for and during the ride.
Reassure your horse that you are in control and are your horse’s leader during the ride. Give him plenty of physical/vocal rewards such as pats and praise, etc. to let him know that you are there and will take care of everything; all he needs to do is listen to you and do what you ask him to do. This physical and vocal contact isn’t just for your horse; it is also a way to comfort and reassure you, and reinforce your role of the brave, confident herd leader in your subconscious mind.
Practice some simple mounted exercises such as figure-eights, lateral work, etc. so you must focus on riding and interacting with your horse and your horse must focus on you (not what is going on around him).
Activate your finger-press anchor throughout the ride, as needed.

I hope these suggestions help you to relax and enjoy the time you spend with your horse, regardless of what is going on around you. I am not a riding instructor, and I encourage everyone to consult with a trainer or instructor to resolve riding and horse-related issues. However, I have found from personal experience as well as my hypnotherapy work with other equestrians that setting positive expectations for a good ride is the most effective way to achieve that goal. For more information about my hypnotherapy work with equestrians, please contact me via my website at www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com.

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Hypnotherapy and Public Speaking: A Personal Experience

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 22, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

This evening I came across the outline for my first-ever presentation about hypnosis. It had been an assignment for the Speech Craft class that my classmates and I took at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute a couple of months before graduation. In it, we learned all of the fine points of crafting and delivering an effective, impactful speech about some element of our new, future vocation as certified hypnotherapists. My speech was very basic: I included some personal information about me and my educational background in the introduction, and then I focused on how and why I decided to become a hypnotherapist. That should be easy, right? Not so fast.

Reading those notes again, 10 years later, I could still remember how nervous I felt while I composed the draft for that speech. As a rule, I did not like to speak in public. I hated to be the center of attention in any circumstance, as I knew I would have to be when I did my presentation. Finally, the instructor and my classmates would be grading my presentation, a prospect that not only exacerbated my anxieties about public speaking but also of taking tests.

Before I drove to class that night, I made sure that I ate a nutritious meal with protein to keep my blood-sugar level (and mood) stable, which I knew would help to lower my anxiety. I wore one of my most professional-looking skirt suits that always helped me feel confident. Once I was in class, I practiced diaphragmatic breathing to calm my nerves while I waited for my turn to speak.

When the instructor finally called me up to the podium to do my presentation, my mind flashed back to the best advice I have ever received about public speaking. The current director of HMI, George Kappas, M.A., C.Ht., once gave the class a pep-talk about public speaking and doing presentations on hypnosis and hypnotherapy to the general public. He reassured us that each of us would probably know more about this topic than anyone else in the room. He told us to relax and even suggested that we probably wouldn’t (shouldn’t) even need or want to use notes or notecards to prompt our speeches because, again, we would already be the experts on this topic. So, when I stepped up to the podium that night, I took his words to heart and allowed myself to own the room. Since this presentation was about me and my experience, I could be (and was) completely confident that I was the expert in the room about this topic. That night, I was finally able to overcome a personal challenge. To my surprise, I even created a new “known” in my subconscious mind: public speaking was fun!

Looking back, this class turned out to be one of my favorites on the hypnotherapy-certification program at HMI. First, the assignment made me face and overcome my fear and discomfort about public speaking and taking tests. Second, the experience of having to do a presentation gave me an invaluable opportunity to experience the efficacy of techniques that I now also use and teach to my clients to help them overcome similar fears and anxieties.