Welcome: control

Showing posts with label control. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 1, 2023

And the Wisdom to Know the Difference

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 4, 2014)

Photo by Sara R. Fogan, CHt

Sometimes, it seems like one of the most powerful human desires is the one for control. We want to control some aspect(s) of our social or physical environment. We want to control our behavior. (Hey, that’s what hypnotherapy is good for, right?) Or, we want to control (change) someone else’s behavior. Can hypnotherapy help you achieve each of these goals?

My scope of expertise as a hypnotherapist is to help my clients achieve vocational and avocational self-improvement goals. There is really no way to control or change specific aspects of a physical environment—such as the weather or climate where we live—unless we physically move out of the area. Most of us can’t even rearrange the furniture or décor in the lobby at work without having to get permission from the employer and/or the building’s landlord. Similarly, none of us has the ability to control someone else’s behaviors or beliefs if that individual doesn’t want to make this change. However, we can use hypnotherapy and guided imagery techniques to help us replace our own unwanted habits or belief systems with behaviors that are more effective for us. The skills you practice and learn in hypnosis can also help you adapt to, cope with and even flourish in a challenging personal, social or work situation over which you have no control. Your ability to remain relaxed, focused and calm in this context will significantly reduce or even eliminate any personal effects that the tension in this situation may cause you. You may even find that this ability to control your emotions in this way indirectly influences (changes) the way other people around you behave.

Before the next scheduled interaction with the person or exposure to that environment, work with me in hypnotherapy to help you desensitize to the negative stimuli associated with that encounter. Give yourself permission to let go of any grudges, bitterness or other negative associations you have with this situation. Give the other person(s) permission to own their critical, negative, etc., nature or beliefs that they have previously expressed to you. Then, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are as relaxed, calm and focused when you have that encounter as you are while you are in hypnosis. Anchor that image of yourself responding in a positive, confident and controlled way with the relaxed and comfortable sensation you are enjoying in hypnosis so you can access your new calm and “in control” demeanor when you need to. Even if the other person’s behavior or attitude does not significantly change at that time, you will be better equipped to deal with that challenge.

I liken this attitude and technique to the Serenity Prayer. Most of the time, each of us can change our behavior and, in so doing, truly change a negative or challenging situation into a positive or mutually rewarding experience. Sometimes, we can do absolutely nothing about the circumstance except to just get through it by changing the way we perceive and respond to it. The key to a successful outcome in either circumstance is having the wisdom to know what kind of attitude adjustment we can make at that moment.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today!

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Going for a Cause

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on May 4, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

At some time in our lives, just about everyone uses a defense mechanism to cope with a stressful or disappointing experience. These strategies can include denial or displacement of the unpleasant emotion, repression of a memory, substance abuse, regressing to an earlier stage of development or even substance dependency. However these behaviors provide only a temporary perception of control over the environment; eventually, we have to deal with and resolve the primary issue that has triggered the defense mechanism in order to achieve personal growth. To be an effective hypnotherapist, I must recognize which one(s) a client may be using, how and why the device is working in this situation, and when it is preventing desired change and personal growth to occur.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., resistance to changing a behavior is the first stage of effecting this change. “We do things systematically to avoid change,” said the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. “Change is a threat to the unconscious mind.” To facilitate change in a client’s behavior—such as helping someone to quit smoking or to lose weight—the hypnotherapist must “buy” the person’s symptoms of defensive behavior and provide some symptomatic relief. But for the problem or unwanted behavior to be truly resolved it is often necessary to go for the cause of the conflict or symptom. “The client may be subconsciously protecting [the cause] by employing defense-mechanism devices,” Dr. Kappas explained.

Usually, many factors combine to create the primary issue or problem, and the client is suggestible to those precipitating factors, the hypnotherapist explained. Consequently, the first hypnotherapy session with a client is the most important component of the therapeutic process, because this is the first opportunity to start working with the client’s suggestibility and “suggest” certain changes in behavior. For example, I might work with a client to desensitize the person to the association of smoking a cigarette while drinking an alcoholic beverage before supper. Or, I would create a new association in which a client would “choose” to write about his or her negative emotions in a journal rather than eat a bowl of ice cream when the person felt angry or sad. But these changes in behavior—social drinking and displacing negative emotions through eating—can and will only occur when the client is ready to recognize the relationship between the emotion and behavior.

“You cannot cure a person by telling him what the problem is,” Dr. Kappas said. “Whenever you hit the cause of the problem, symptoms start to disappear. Once you identify and remove the primary cause of the problem, you must alleviate secondary issues.”

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Monday, November 14, 2022

It's Just a Thought

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on December 6, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Perhaps someone has said this to you—or you used this expression, yourself—when making a suggestion: “It’s just a thought.” In fact, this statement is probably used most frequently if the reception (openness) to a particular idea seems likely to be rejected. In this case, that particular thought is symbolically dumped or thrown away. “It’s just a thought” is the excuse we make for ever having entertained the idea in the first place.

I have two thoughts about this situation.

On the one hand, most of us have had to deal with some kind of negative chatter (self-doubt) in our mind when we are trying something new or are in the middle of an important project at work: I have never been able to do X before; what makes me think I will be successful at Y? Or, I have no business wearing this outfit; it was obviously designed for someone with a completely different (better) physique. More common, a thought pops into our mind just as we are drifting off to sleep: Did I remember to lock my office door? Does my boyfriend/girlfriend remember that tomorrow is our one-month anniversary of dating? Why is my acne flaring up now? In these instances, it is very helpful to remind ourselves, “It’s just a thought. I can control my thoughts. Since I can control my thoughts, I can put this one aside for a little while and do what I need to do.”

Conversely, our thoughts originate in the subconscious mind. To automatically reject a thought or idea as a way to deflect possible criticism from other people could mean that you miss (or at least delay) the chance to experience a creative opportunity. As Thomas Edison famously stated, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” What if that “thought” you have at your next business meeting could save your failing company millions of dollars and/or several employees’ jobs, create the next great videogame or script for a blockbuster movie, etc.?

Thoughts and ideas are products of our life experiences and feelings about them. The moral of this story is, before you reject one of those throw-away thoughts remember that you can control it and ultimately even use a behavior the idea inspired to benefit you in the future.

Autumn Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

A Greater Sense of Control

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on June 26, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Many people seek hypnotherapy to help them change an unwanted behavior: quit smoking, lose weight, increase self-confidence, be able to relax, etc. Whatever their ultimate goal happens to be, the person will have to control, change or override a familiar behavior (known) to achieve it. When they make that initial phone call to set up a first hypnotherapy appointment they may have some or no previous experience being hypnotized, but many people have an idea about what it may entail.

During that initial conversation or our first meeting the person will express a conscious, enthusiastic desire to make a positive change in his or her life. The idea of having my (or another hypnotherapist’s) undivided attention for about an hour, including the 15 to 20 minutes they will spend in hypnosis to work on changing their undesired behaviors, appeals to a lot of clients. They know that this appointment is their time to be listened to in a confidential, supportive, nonjudgmental environment. They understand that hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery are effective tools that hypnotherapists use to help replace the unwanted behaviors that no longer work for them. But one nagging doubt still lingers in the back of their mind: Will you be able to control my mind?

This is one of the most common concerns people have about hypnosis. My answer is: No. Hypnosis is an ancient, natural and drug-free state that can be used as an effective therapeutic tool. I explain to each of my clients at our first appointment that hypnosis cannot make a person say anything or behave in a way that he or she wouldn’t ordinarily act when in a fully alert and aware state. I incorporate the language of the person’s subconscious mind (suggestibility) with the person’s words and expressions in the hypnotic script that will help motivate, encourage and support the desired behavioral change. The client is hypnotizing him- or herself; as the hypnotherapist, I guide and facilitate this process.

Hypnosis is one of the most relaxing states that you can experience. In fact, everyone is in a light state of trance (hypnosis) twice each day: for 30 minutes after waking up in the morning and 30 minutes before drifting to sleep. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a state of unconsciousness or even sleep. Every sense is heightened during hypnosis. Yes, you will be more receptive to suggestions and other sensory influences while you are in this state. You may even suddenly notice a slight itching sensation on your neck when I bring your attention to the label sewn into the collar of your shirt.

However, during hypnotherapy the only person who can and will control your mind is you, and that is how and why the avocational and vocational self-improvement changes you want to make in your life will be achieved. It provides an opportunity to gain even more control over an aspect of your life that you may not have previously been able to change. If you would like to get rid of an unwanted habit or behavior why not give hypnotherapy a try? You will find that you have even more control over—not risk of losing control of—your mind, behavior and beliefs than you ever imagined!

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Getting Control in the Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 4, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

When it comes to relationships, Physical Sexual and Emotional Sexual partners have very different needs and desires. A Physical Sexual controls the Emotional Sexual partner with guilt. Relationships are very important to this personality, and if the relationship ever seems to be in jeopardy the Physical Sexual will do just about anything to rescue and preserve the relationship.

Whereas the Physical Sexual experiences very little guilt, the Emotional Sexual partner is laden with it, observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder Dr. John Kappas. Therefore, to maintain control in the relationship, the Physical Sexual partner must never release that hold until the person gets what he or she wants, he advised. The Physical Sexual is also easily hurt, such as in instances of betrayal, and can be vindictive. “They really hold onto that hurt,” he said.

Conversely, the Emotional Sexual controls a Physical Sexual partner by rejection or withholding emotion. The Emotional Sexual tends to be defensive and protective, and generally has difficulty expressing his or her true feelings, Dr. Kappas explained. Furthermore, the Emotional Sexual also gets over failed relationships fairly quickly. This personality tends to need more space and does not place as high a priority on relationships as the Physical Sexual tends to do. The more the Emotional Sexual withdraws to create more space for him- or herself in the relationship, the more desperate the Physical becomes to reconnect. Paradoxically, this behavior only irritates the Emotional Sexual partner, and he or she tends to withdraw from the partner even more.

Sex is another area where the Emotional and Physical partners tend to try to control each other, the hypnotherapist pointed out. Both male and female Physical Sexual partners crave closeness after intercourse, but an Emotional Sexual male wants to get his orgasm over with and move on to something else. Whereas a Physical Sexual female wants her partner to “prove” that he cares about her through intimacy, a Physical Sexual male can control his partner through his release (ejaculation), Dr. Kappas said. Finally, the Emotional Sexual female wants to figure out how to manipulate or control her Physically Sexual male partner.

“It’s a lot easier for a hypnotherapist to work with couples where there’s an Emotional Sexual female and a Physical Sexual male, because it’s easier to ‘mold’ the Emotional Sexual female than it is to mold the Emotional Sexual male. Plus, she suffers a lot of guilt,” Dr. Kappas said.

For more information about how to address the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual personalities’ response to rejection, I invite you to check out my blog titled, Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy.

Thursday, September 8, 2022

Slow Down to Speed Up

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 28, 2014)

Image courtesy of Microsoft/Bing

Have you ever noticed how it takes twice as long to complete a task when you rush to get it done? Whether it is finishing a homework assignment or a big project for work, somehow something goes wrong at the last, worst possible moment and totally messes up your projected deadline. What if you could avoid all that hassle in the first place and meet your deadline with time to spare?

The Automobile Association of America has a great television advertisement that perfectly illustrated this point. In it, someone in a flashy car speeds past another vehicle. At first, it seems like the driver in the second car gets ahead, but then he is stopped at an intersection with the driver in the original car waiting for the light to change. This pattern is repeated the same way several more times until the message becomes clear: driving fast and recklessly doesn’t get anyone ahead; in fact, it may cause more inconvenience (and waste more gas) than the apparent rush is worth. Similarly, in an episode of the police drama, Rookie Blue, one of the characters reminded an officer he had trained why he once insisted she take a sip of coffee or a bite of her sandwich before getting out of the squad car. Sergeant Shaw wanted her to take those extra couple of seconds so the other officer could mentally prepare herself for dealing with regardless of the situation she would be facing outside. The crime scene would still be there, he explained, but the officer needed to calm down and plan what she needed to do to apprehend the suspect or else risk getting seriously hurt or even killed making the arrest.

Often, when we are under pressure to complete a task, we rush through or even skip important steps so we can get the job out of the way and move onto other more interesting or “fun” things. Monty Roberts, an award-winning horse trainer and author, often advises: “Give yourself fifteen minutes and it will take an hour; give yourself an hour and it will take fifteen minutes.” In other words, when we work carefully and conscientiously—focusing only on the task at hand—we are in a better position to get the job done quickly and usually on the first try. However, when we rush through the job to meet a self-imposed or official deadline, we are more likely to neglect important steps to complete the task which may ultimately undermine it.

An unintentional byproduct of rushing to complete a task is that we can put ourselves into hypnosis. Consider John G. Kappas, Ph.D.’s definition of hypnosis: “Hypnosis is created by an overload of message units, disorganizing our inhibitory process (Critical Mind), triggering our fight-flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state, providing access to the subconscious mind.” When we rush around trying to meet a deadline, our minds are already whirling practically out of control as we consider what we need to get done and if/how many steps we can get away with “leaving out.” Even if we do not intend to take a short-cut to finish the task, in this naturally induced hypnotic state we may neglect an important step because our subconscious (not conscious) mind has taken over the behavior. We have literally “escaped” into hypnosis to avoid the anxiety and stress we feel trying to complete that project.

Unfortunately, the stress we consciously and subconsciously tried so hard to reduce or avoid is likely to reappear, and be even more intense, when we rush to just “get it done.” When we take those extra few seconds or even an entire hour, at the end of the day the fastest way to accomplish a goal is to slow down.

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

With Your Permission and Only Your Permission, Part 2

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 21, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

I could not believe it. Right before my (and thousands of viewers’) eyes, a random hypnotist essentially ambushed a beloved character of the television series I was watching. Bam! Right in the middle of a critical scene in the episode, the hypnotist addressed the character by name, gave a command (eye fascination) and did a rapid induction to knock him out long enough for critical elements of the plot to make sense and the storyline to move along. Following are my reasons why this scene worked—and made sense—in the context of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s definition of hypnosis and the following key elements of the plot:

According to Dr. Kappas, hypnosis is “[a state] created by an overload of message units that disorganizes our inhibitory process (critical mind), triggering our fight/flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state [that provides] access to the subconscious mind.” The character was distraught and in a state of high anxiety when the hypnotist approached him. He didn’t want to/wouldn’t physically leave the scene, but this opportunity for temporary “escape” into hypnosis was an easy way to escape the trauma and drama going on around him.
The hypnotist was calm and in control—and took control of the situation. He spoke the protagonist’s name and commanded the character to look at him.
The hypnotist appeared to use a variation of the direct-gaze shock induction to hypnotize the protagonist. This is a legitimate rapid-induction technique in which a hypnotist has the person look him in the eye and supports his or her upper body during the physical aspect of the induction.
The hypnotist used the key phrase, “deep sleep” that is typically employed during hypnosis. At the end of the scene, once key plot details had been resolved, the hypnotist counted the character back up to full awareness.

When I saw this scene unfold every cell in my body screamed “foul!” at the irresponsible depiction and unethical/immoral application of hypnosis. The technique that the hypnotist employed, and the context in which he used it, was in no way hypnotherapy. However, considering the protagonist’s overwrought emotional state and the activity going on around him, it was easy to understand how this scene was a perfect example of Dr. Kappas’s explanation of how and why hypnosis works. I think the inclusion of a rogue hypnotist doing a rapid induction to temporarily overwhelm the character’s already-overloaded subconscious mind was an ingenious, extra detail that will keep fans talking about this episode for a long time.

Special Discount for Military Personnel & 1^st Responders

Special Offer: 25 percent discount off the first hypnotherapy session for all active/retired military personnel and first responders (police, fire-fighters, EMT/paramedics, ambulance personnel, emergency dispatchers, ER physicians and nurses, COVID-19 Ward staff).

*Not to be combined with any other promotions or discounts. Offer not redeemable for cash.

Friday, September 4, 2020

Thoughts of the Day

In compliance with current WHO and CDC recommendations to minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus, I am temporarily suspending in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone and Skype consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

Thoughts of the Day

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

“We may affirm absolutely that nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.” – Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

“Experience this moment with the heart and allow the mind to take care of the future.” – Lolly Daskal

“There are too many people in the world to let just one keep you down.” – Unknown

“I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer

“Success isn’t overnight. It’s when everyday you get a little better than the day before. It all adds up.” – Dwayne Johnson

“Smiling sends a very clear message about your state of mind.” – Guy Kawasaki

“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.” – Katherine Henson

“Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.” – Jim Rohn

“When you walk in peace you'll see attackers shattering themselves against your inner-calm. They will defeat themselves. – Bryant McGill

“You do not have the right to stop someone from speaking. You do have the right to not listen.” – Judge Jeanine Pirro

Limited-Time Offer: Free Phone Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call/send me a text message at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Skype consultation, today! (Limited to one consultation per person.)

Offer valid through September 4, 2020.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.