Quoting Your Mother (Again)

 

Someone posted this Bern Williams quote on my Facebook wall recently: “Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.” Well, of course we do, I immediately thought. Let me tell you why this is true.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Founder John G. Kappas, Ph.D., we get our early suggestibility (how we communicate and learn) from how the primary caretaker (usually the mother) takes care of and interacts with us during early childhood (birth up to age 5). Words, tone of voice and body language create suggestibility, he explains. If your mom tended to communicate with you directly and literally—“You can play with your friends after you have finished your homework!”—and was consistent in enforcing this instruction, you likely followed her example with your own kids. Similarly, if she occasionally allowed you to play first you likely compensated for her inconsistency by trying to guess or infer what she really meant when she told you to do something.

Many of us remember (with fondness or even some consternation) various expressions, terms of endearment or even chastisement that our mother has said over and over throughout our lives. Every time she repeated this behavior, those words or phrases and the behavior(s) they accompanied were reinforced in our subconscious mind. Over time and with frequent repetition, these associations become so ingrained in our subconscious life script that we find ourselves responding to a similar situation the same way mom did or would have with your children.

And when your kids are grown they will be able to make a similar observation about their own interactions with their family, and so on.

 

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Sensory-Based Language

(This blog was originally posted on January 22, 2014)

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                 No pun intended, but the way we use words to share thoughts and ideas is so expressive of who we are and how we take in our world. We communicate what we perceive, and we use specific words and terms to illustrate how we perceive the information we are sharing. According to Neurolinguistic Programming, we all have a preferred way to express or represent ourselves when we communicate. Following are descriptions of the different sensory representational systems.

·         Visual: This person primarily takes in information by seeing and how something looks. He or she looks up and is comfortable establishing eye contact. He or she needs to see written information or instructions to something and will use metaphors such as, “I see what you mean” to convey understanding during a conversation.

·         Auditory: This individual processes information via auditory cues and can learn by hearing and listening to instruction. He or she will use expressions like, “The message is loud and clear” or “another way to say that.” This person is comfortable memorizing sequences and is very sensitive to the speaker’s tone of voice and the words the other person uses. However, this individual can become overwhelmed by stimuli and may avoid eye contact (focusing on another stimuli) in order to listen to and understand what is being said. This person will use metaphors like, “I hear what you’re saying” to convey understanding during a conversation.

·         Kinesthetic: A kinesthetic person learns and memorizes something by rehearsing or “walking through” a scenario. This person tends to make physical contact with the object of discussion or another person in the conversation as a way of reinforcing what he or she is learning. He or she will use metaphors like, “That meeting completely slipped my mind.”

·         Auditory Digital: An auditory-digital individual focuses on whether something makes sense in order to learn and understand a concept. This person will use language like, “That’s logical” to indicate that he or she understands (or not) the principle being discussed.

During each hypnotherapy session, I pay careful attention to the words my clients use and which metaphors they choose when they speak. I know that the way they use language paints a picture of how they perceive their lives and where they are in the process of replacing an unwanted behavior. This information helps me to create the ideal hypnotic script by which I can communicate with their subconscious mind and help them achieve their goals.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Body Language

(This blog was originally posted on April 25, 2014)

 

 

                I am fascinated by a television advertisement for mobile (cell) phone services. In the ad, a group of potential customers puts a representative of a major, national phone company through her paces as they ask about various communications features that the company offers. Viewers are led to infer that the prospective customers are real-estate agents, because each of them is professionally rand sports a tan blazer with a large emblem of a house on the left side of the jacket. The group pretty much verifies the identity of their vocation when one of the women says, “Let’s close!” and they all cross their arms over their chest and grin. But it is what the customers and the sales representative say with their bodies throughout the ad that is of greatest interest to me.

                Throughout the ad, the phone-company representative matches every physical and facial gesture that her prospective clients make. As a customer’s voice lilts at the end of a question, the salesperson uses a similar lilt in her response. When one person points a finger to make a point, the sales rep makes the same movement during her explanation. Someone steeples her fingers across her midsection; the sales rep makes the same gesture. Another person in the group nods and raises her eyebrows; so does she. When the camera pans back a little, viewers can see that the sales rep has even adopted a similar stance as she stands with the customers. At the end of the advertisement when one of the customers crosses her arms and announces they will all take (“close”) the deal, her colleagues look at her and immediately imitate the crossed-arms gesture.

                I like this ad because it is such a fabulous demonstration of how people mirror someone’s behavior in order to build rapport with someone. If your job entails selling products or services, you probably recognized every sales technique depicted in the advertisement I just described. But you don’t have to be a salesperson or a customer to identify with what went on. We mirror each other’s various behaviors—facial expressions, physical gestures, patterns of speech—all the time, often without realizing that we are doing it. These actions are like a “fast track” to building rapport with someone you would like to get to know better. People are naturally attracted to others who behave or seem to think like they do.

Think about a conversation you have had recently: Did you nod at some point during the conversation or lean forward in your seat as if to listen to your companion’s words even more closely? And did your companion then lean his or her body closer to yours, return your nod or mirror a hand movement that you were previously unaware of having made? Did you notice when your spouse or friend took a step forward, backward or sideways to mirror your stance, or raised or lowered his or her voice to match the tone of yours? These are examples of mirroring; and mirroring is a subconscious (or conscious) behavior that creates rapport and can facilitate social bonds by reinforcing similarity or familiarity between you. Rapport is an inherent and necessary component of every kind of relationship; it is the cornerstone upon which every relationship is built. It is only when we establish rapport with someone are we likely to explore the similarities and differences between us, and know whether we want to spend the time and energy to create a social, romantic or professional relationship with that person. Without rapport, we cannot come to trust, respect, like or communicate well with him or her, and a relationship—or a successful sale—is unlikely to result from the interaction.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

Body Language

(This blog was originally posted on April 25, 2014)

 

                I am fascinated by one of the television advertisement for mobile (cell) phone services. In the ad, a group of potential customers puts a representative of a major, national phone company through her paces as they ask about various communications features that the company offers. Viewers are led to infer that the prospective customers are real-estate agents, because each of them is professionally clad in a tan sports blazer with a large emblem of a house on the left side of the jacket. The group pretty much verifies the identity of their vocation when one of the women says, “Let’s close!” and they all cross their arms over their chest and grin. But it is what the customers and the sales representative say with their bodies throughout the ad that is of greatest interest to me.

                Throughout the ad, the phone-company representative matches every physical and facial gesture that her prospective clients make. As a customer’s voice lilts at the end of a question, the salesperson uses a similar lilt in her response. When one person points a finger to make a point, the sales rep makes the same movement during her explanation. Someone steeples her fingers across her midsection; the sales rep makes the same gesture. Another person in the group nods and raises her eyebrows; so does she. When the camera pans back a little, viewers can see that the sales rep has even adopted a similar stance as she stands with the customers. At the end of the advertisement when one of the customers crosses her arms and announces they will all take (“close”) the deal, her colleagues look at her and immediately imitate the crossed-arms gesture.

                I like this ad because it is such a fabulous demonstration of how people mirror someone’s behavior in order to build rapport with someone. If your job entails selling products or services, you probably recognized every sales technique depicted in the advertisement I just described. But you don’t have to be a salesperson or a customer to identify with what went on. We mirror each other’s various behaviors—facial expressions, physical gestures, patterns of speech—all the time, often without realizing that we are doing it. These actions are like a “fast track” to building rapport with someone you would like to get to know better. People are naturally attracted to others who behave or seem to think like they do.

Think about a conversation you have had recently: Did you nod at some point during the conversation or lean forward in your seat as if to listen to your companion’s words even more closely? And did your companion then lean his or her body closer to yours, return your nod or mirror a hand movement that you were previously unaware of having made? Did you notice when your spouse or friend took a step forward, backward or sideways to mirror your stance, or raised or lowered his or her voice to match the tone of yours? These are examples of mirroring; and mirroring is a subconscious (or conscious) behavior that creates rapport and can facilitate social bonds by reinforcing similarity or familiarity between you. Rapport is an inherent and necessary component of every kind of relationship; it is the cornerstone upon which every relationship is built. It is only when we establish rapport with someone are we likely to explore the similarities and differences between us, and know whether we want to spend the time and energy to create a social, romantic or professional relationship with that person. Without rapport, we cannot come to trust, respect, like or communicate well with him or her, and a relationship—or a successful sale—is unlikely to result from the interaction.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Virtual Getaway

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

                “You deserve a break today…” So sings a popular advertisement jingle. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to get that well-deserved break when we want (or need) it. That’s okay: even a mini, mental vacation can provide the emotional and mental respite you need right now to tide you over until you get a chance to enjoy the real thing. Here are some suggestions:

·         Read a book for fun. It doesn’t matter if it is fiction or nonfiction, poetry or Manga. Anything that draws you into a subject deeply enough so you can temporarily lose track of time and place will enable you to feel refreshed when you put the book down.

·         Exercise, meditate or do yoga. Physical activity is not only good for the body, it also kicks up the endorphins—those “feel good” chemicals inside—that help us to relax and relieve stress. If you ever go for a run to clear your head and experience the runner’s “high” you know exactly what I mean.

·         Go outside and experience nature. It doesn’t matter whether you go to the beach, walk in the woods or take a stroll in the neighborhood park; just get outside and experience the sounds, smells and other sensation of this different environment. Spend time looking at your environment: what do you notice that you have never seen before? What color is the sky? Are there leaves on the trees yet? Is there snow still on the ground?

·         Play catch with your dog, cuddle your cat or groom or ride your horse. Nothing compares with the Zen experience of interacting one-on-one with an animal in this way. Clear your mind (and agenda) to spend some time with another creature: focus all of your attention and energy on the animal and immerse yourself in its world for a little while. Notice how your pet responds to what you do and how you communicate with it. What do you do that earns the biggest positive response? What do you do (or don’t do) that the animal seems less interested in? Isn’t it wonderful how little you actually have to say or do to elicit the wagging tail, purr or gentle blowing sound to indicate that it is content? There is nowhere and no one in the world that gives us this kind of positive feedback for just doing something that feels good to both parties.

·         “Special place” imagery: Close your eyes and draw slow, deep breaths. Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are in an environment where you feel completely relaxed, calm and comfortable. This can be someplace that is familiar to you, where you have visited before and really like; or, it can be a location of your own creation. Notice every detail of the environment around you: what do you hear, see, smell, feel, taste? Enjoy the sensation of feeling completely relaxed and at peace with everyone and everything around you in this place. You can anchor these feelings of calm, comfort and relaxation by pressing or rubbing your thumb and index (pointing) finger of your right hand. Anytime you activate this anchor, you can and will immediately access these sensations. To finish this exercise, thank the images you have encountered and open your eyes.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

I Am Not a Wallflower, But...




Photo courtesy of Microsoft

When you are at a party, take the opportunity to hang out with
new people that you otherwise probably never would have met.

                This morning, I had brunch with relatives I had not seen since I was about 10 years old. It was a family reunion of sorts, and it was a lot of fun to get reacquainted with them. I really did enjoy myself; but I bet some of you would wonder about that if you had been there. You see, when the size of a group (or party) gets big, I tend to get very “small.” If I am in a group larger than three people—and even that may be pushing it sometimes—I tend to hang back. I prefer to watch and listen to the interactions going on around me. Maybe you are the same way. Here are some suggestions to help you enjoy the company of the other people there—albeit in your own way—and on your (smaller-scale) terms.

·        Do not pressure yourself to interact with everyone—or anyone—right away. Narrow your focus of interaction to chat with the person sitting/standing immediately beside you or across the table from you.

·         Remember (and remind) yourself that you were invited to the event because the host likes your company. Not only do you share at least one common interest with the person, so do the other guests. Trust that the host values your friendship/relationship and wants his or her other guests to get to know and appreciate your special qualities, too!

·         Offer to help set up or serve the food or even clean up, afterward. These activities are a great way to let you ease into the party by interacting with the guests without necessarily having to say too much at first. While you are helping out, your subconscious can “people watch” and listen to other guests’ conversations that will help you identify the individuals who appear to share your interests. Meanwhile, you will probably have many opportunities to communicate with them one-on-one as the guests wander in and out of the kitchen or serving area.

·         If you are still really having trouble getting into the event, try this mental game: Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are someone else whom you really admire and respect. Perhaps this person is a role model in your life—a public figure, mentor or even a celebrity—whom you know is very comfortable interacting with a lot of people. If you don’t have a specific example in your life, a diplomat or a foreign ambassador make great examples for your large gathering/party alter-ego in this exercise. No matter where they are or whom they are with, part of their job is to make small talk to help others feel at ease.
 

You may be very comfortable and relaxed just hanging out (and hanging back) while everyone else interacts. However, it is important to remind ourselves that the reason we accepted the invitation to attend this event is to meet and talk to the other guests! Take this great opportunity to hang out with new people that you otherwise probably never would have met, and demonstrate to everyone around just how interesting and fun you are to be around!

  

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.