Welcome

Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Family Roles

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on August 17, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

In my blog titled Family Systems Issues, I explained various behavior patterns that facilitate the continued function of dysfunctional family system. Keep in mind that children are born helpless; they will literally die if a parent or guardian is not around and available to take care of them. Consequently, a child will do whatever it takes to survive. To do so, he or she (subconsciously) adopts behaviors that attract nurturing attention—even to the detriment of the youngster’s own mental and psychological well-being. Today I will describe characteristics of the specific roles family members occupy in a dysfunctional family system.

The Hero: Someone in this role is a “parentified child” and usually the oldest sibling. The individual can become a workaholic and retreat into an ability to achieve or over-achieve. It seems like this person can never do enough or achieve enough and is usually a good student with a high need for approval. However, the person often experiences deep feelings of inadequacy, denial and fear. Heroes usually marry a dependent partner whom they can control and manipulate. Sometimes the person’s high need for approval can inspire the individual to take on tasks or perform jobs that inspire an employer to also depend on him or her.

The Lost Child: This person is never the trouble-maker; instead, he or she is “invisible” in the family. The individual survives by not being obvious in the family; the child avoids trouble, may be withdrawn and is often an emotional sexual personality. If the person is an only child, he or she may be a “parentified child” and the parent’s best friend. The Lost Child has trouble making friends and comes across as being very adult.

Mascot: The person in this role is characterized as a “chameleon,” willing to turn into anything or anyone the family wants and needs at that time. The individual thrives on attention and love. He or she can keep other members’ secrets and is dependent on others. He or she is likely to marry a “hero” in the partner’s family system.

The Scapegoat: This is the “problem child,” whose acting out manifests the stress/anxiety/unhappiness of the family. The individual typically has problems with authority and defiance behaviors are manifestations of underlying anxiety. When the roles of artist, scholar or bad child are already occupied in the family, this person occupies this other niche with very little self-esteem.

When there are behavioral issues with an individual in a family, the entire family is the client. In this case, the hypnotherapist should agree to work with the person only if the entire family also receives therapy from a licensed mental-health professional (California Business and Professions Code 2908).

April Promotion: Hypnosis to Stop Smoking! $800 for six, weekly sessions lasting approximately one hour each week. This is a $100 savings! (A la carte sessions cost $150 each.) In addition, I will waive the $200 fee for the separate First Session if you purchase and book the six-week package up front.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Thursday, April 6, 2023

How the Body Expresses Extreme Emotional Trauma

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on August 1, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

When trauma or extreme emotional distress occurs, if the person cannot (verbally) express and work through and resolve feelings about the event, these emotions may be manifested as physical symptoms. As I explained in a previous blog titled Body Syndromes, these symptoms are likely to occur in areas of the body that correspond to the trauma or presenting issue. For example, if a woman is raped she may subsequently experience vaginal tightness that prevents any kind of sexual pleasure and even find intercourse painful.

When psychologist and hypnotherapist John Kappas, Ph.D., treated these symptoms in hypnotherapy, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder recommended explaining how the client’s subconscious denial of the rape may have contributed to these symptoms. If appropriate and if she was ready to deal with the trauma, a hypnotherapist could help her go through the stages of loss during hypnotherapy, he said.

Dr. Kappas also advised including the client’s husband/partner in the therapy using the Systems Approach even if the other person is not present during the sessions. This inclusion is necessary because the client’s past trauma is likely affecting their sexual relationship; or, finally confronting the emotional trauma caused by the rape, in therapy, may have repercussions on the current relationship.

“It’s possible that removing the denial will reveal traumas,” the HMI founder warned. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must correct the client’s denial mechanism but not remove it completely. The hypnotherapist would also need to bring up more of her physical suggestibility to help her work through her physical symptoms*, he added.

*California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (California B usiness and Professions Code 2908) and as an alternative or complementary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

Wednesday, April 5, 2023

Empty Your Mind

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on August 19, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

When I was an editor at Black Belt® magazine, I often came across the following quote in which martial artists were urged to practice mushin no shin or “mind of no mind” during combat or competition. Basically, this term philosophy urges you to empty your mind and turn off your emotions so you can think and perceive what’s going on around you. I had an opportunity to practice this philosophy while I hung out with Galahad this afternoon.

The time I spent with my horse was not in combat but in a kind of moving meditation as I groomed him. Once I had him secured in the crossties, I turned all of my attention to making him feel relaxed while I gently curried away shedding hairs and dirt. He did a lot of sighing and fluttered his nostrils a few times, so I am pretty sure he was beyond comfortable and probably a little blissed out during his mega-grooming session. (His first trainer commented several times that my horse is a bit hedonistic.)

Unlike Galahad, complete relaxation has never been easy for me; it is a rare day that I am not doing two or three things at one time. Even spending quiet time at the barn is not an inherently relaxing activity. For example, I always need to know where my feet and hands are to avoid being accidentally stepped on or nibbled when I give Galahad a treat. I have to be careful not to let my horse walk directly behind me when I lead him or he could run right over me if something spooked him and he bolted forward. When I ride, I must use various parts of my body to ensure that I communicate exactly what I want my horse to do and he understands what I am asking for. In addition, my entire body must be soft and relaxed while I remain aware of my surroundings and alert to anything that could spook my horse, including changes in my body that indicate I’m not focused on what I’m doing.

Of course, the reason why I sometimes have so much trouble quieting my mind and directing my focus is, multi-tasking is my go-to behavior. It is my known. Even though I was physically relaxed while I groomed my horse—the repetitive motions of currying and brushing are actually hypnotizing, pun intended—my mind was anything but. Random thoughts kept popping into my head: What should I blog about today? Has so-and-so received my e-mail? I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow, etc. Whenever my thoughts drifted away from what I was doing with Galahad, he would politely by pointedly change his posture as if to remind me to pay attention to what I was doing. After all, this was his time to be with me and get fussed over.

Spending time with my horse is my favorite time of day and my absolute favorite thing to do, but I sometimes have trouble completely turning off the rest of the world even when I’m with him. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relaxing but, let’s face it: sometimes tuning out is really hard work. My conscious mind knows that it should not be more stressful to relax and take time to decompress from the day than it is for me to multi-task various responsibilities I must fulfill and projects to complete during the day. My subconscious mind knows otherwise: Multitasking is my default, go-to behavior. It is a subconscious known, an established behavior, a subconscious mental script. Furthermore, according to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, I reinforce that behavior every day, when I am working (e.g., preparing for a session, working and following up with clients after their appointment and taking continuing education courses). Then I go out to the barn and ride/hang out with my horse, where I typically do several things at the barn just to stay safe. (As much as I love and trust Galahad, I know that I am physically no match against his 900-pound might if I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

Well, I have been working very diligently to rewrite that old subconscious mental script that says I have to multi-task every minute of my day. I’m pleased to say that after a few false starts this afternoon I was finally able to get into a groove with Galahad when I was able to tune out that extra chatter in my head for longer and longer periods of time. When I caught myself thinking about something that didn’t have to do with him, I simply re-directed my attention back on Galahad where it belonged. By the end of our afternoon together, the image and sound of him contentedly nibbling on grass and the earthy smells around me were the only thoughts on my mind.

Mind of no mind.

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Different Therapeutic Approaches to Treat Fears vs. Phobias

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on September 19, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Fears and phobias/anxiety may reflect similar feelings, but they are actually separate conditions that require different treatments. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., when you have a fear of something, you can attribute the reaction to the memory of a specific incident—usually one that occurred during childhood. Conversely, the phobia is typically associated with a sudden drop in blood-sugar level that triggers physiological symptoms including shaking, weakness, confusion, anxiety and even paranoia that have nothing to do with what a specific environmental trigger. However, the resulting subconscious fear of loss of control or even death becomes attributed to that trigger (e.g., fear of flying, insects) because that is the only explicable source of anxiety, according to the conscious mind.

Both therapies entail educating the individual about the role of nutrition in exacerbating or even triggering the initial fear/phobic response during the cognitive/alert portion of the session. Most important, the hypnotherapist must help the client realize and believe that the person is able to control this reaction. Having said that, each response (fear versus phobia) requires a different hypnotherapeutic approach to achieve this outcome.

Circle therapy enables the person to progressively experience more intense fear reactions during hypnosis and then “pass” through it (relax) to a deeper state of hypnosis. Post-hypnotic suggestions reinforce that the individual is able to control this fear in this way and that the fear response is no longer a necessary part of his or her life. The best way to face a fear is to face it down, Dr. Kappas advised. “Face it by realizing you yourself can create it. You’re not facing the fear, you’re facing the feeling,” he explained.

Conversely, phobias start from physiological feelings that the person fears will result in loss of control or even death. While this reaction can be triggered by dreams or stress, it’s generally an illogical fear response and not based on personal experience. The best way to treat a phobia is by using systematic desensitization and double-bind techniques that work together to gradually reduce the negative association/response while making the response increasingly difficult to experience. Circle therapy is not used to work through a phobia because the technique can reinforce or even exacerbate the negative response.

However, a long-held fear can also morph into agoraphobia, or a fear of open spaces, Dr. Kappas warned. It is possible to manage agoraphobia through diet/nutrition, a therapeutic approach that is recommended and effective to control other phobias. It is important to deal with any relapse of the original fear right away and then start dealing with anticipatory anxiety about experiencing that fear, which has likely developed through the agoraphobic response.

Monday, April 3, 2023

Have a Nice Day!

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 25, 2016)

“When the world gets in my way I say, ‘Have a nice day!’” – Bon Jovi, “Have a Nice Day”

Image courtesy of Microsoft

What do you do when everything seems to go wrong in your day? I pondered this question while driving home from the barn this afternoon when “Have a Nice Day” by Bon Jovi came up on my playlist. It is so easy to internalize the frustration and run the unending loop of self-recrimination or to blame others when a plan doesn’t work out the way we plan or want it to.

Some people yell. Others get in their car and take a fast (and sometimes reckless) drive in the hope of blowing off some steam. It is always tempting and too easy to channel frustration and take it out on the next person you see, such as give the barista at Starbucks® a hard time for getting your order wrong. It is usually a little more challenging to just let go of your immediate (and usually transitory) angst to focus on what is actually going right in your day.

The late Dr. John Kappas, founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, used to include the following suggestion in many hypnotic scripts: I like it. It was (and is) a great motivator when you are learning a new behavior, such as politely refusing dessert after a meal to comply with your weight-loss program. Even when something “goes wrong” or does not fulfill your expectations or desires, this simple suggestion enables you to open your eyes to the opportunities this inconvenience could yield. So, you burned the special meal you spent all day preparing for that special someone? Yes, that is inconvenient and frustrating. However, Dr. Kappas’s suggestion facilitated a new attitude and ability to see an opportunity in the experience—a shared laugh or maybe even an impromptu, very romantic picnic of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the living-room floor.

So, someone cut you off on the freeway and prevented you from getting off the highway at your intended exit? Once again, this new attitude of “liking it” enables you to pass the negative emotion (frustration) and continue on your way. Who knows, your unintended detour might steer you clear of a traffic jam further up the road on your intended route that might have also added even more time to your original journey.

Many of us have experienced a situation in which someone seems to be taking out his or her frustrations on us. This person hasn’t learned the power of Dr. Kappas’s nifty little trick of “liking it” and instead tries to feel better by making things more difficult or awkward for others. That’s okay. You can still turn the potentially unpleasant situation around by reminding yourself that you like what is happening because it the situation is giving you a new perspective/experience that you can learn and grow from. Then, as Bon Jovi does in their hit song titled Have a Nice Day, politely tell the person to have a nice day and walk away. It is impossible to experience two opposite emotions at the same time: e.g., anxiety versus relaxation, frustration versus optimism. Ultimately, saying and believing “I like it!” and expressing a positive outlook and sentiments for others enables you to improve the situation for yourself by finding opportunities where someone else may only see obstacles.

April Promotion: Hypnosis to Stop Smoking!

$800 for six, weekly sessions lasting approximately one hour each week. This is a $100 savings! (A la carte sessions cost $150 each.) In addition, I will waive the $200 fee for the separate First Session if you purchase and book the six-week package up front.

Thursday, March 30, 2023

Defense Mechanism: Withdrawal

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 5, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Have you ever ignored or tried to “freeze out” or just stop talking to someone you are arguing with once emotions start running high? Has your spouse, partner or friend ever done this to you? Sometimes people avoid visiting or contacting someone who is seriously or even terminally ill as a means of denying the seriousness of the disease and protecting yourself from experiencing any emotional distress that this contact may trigger in you. These scenarios are examples of withdrawal, a powerful defense mechanism in which a person shuts off communication with another individual or even physically withdraws from an unpleasant circumstance as a means of self-protection.

Like other defense mechanisms, withdrawal is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. “Change is a threat to the subconscious mind,” said John Kappas, Ph.D. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, the mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism.

To help a client work through this defense mechanism, I would start by asking about the nature of the fear and how this fear is negatively affecting your daily life and interactions with others. Do you withdraw from others during an argument to avoid having to face the negative implications of “losing” the debate or being wrong about a philosophical opinion? Once you have identified the specific motivation behind the avoidance, in hypnosis I would desensitize you to those negative associations and employ guided-imagery techniques so you could imagine how it would feel to listen to a different opinion and be open to learning something new.

In another example, if you are emotionally withdrawing from or avoiding a terminally ill relative because you don't want to face her own mortality, I would explore your conceptions about death and dying and what losing this person means/would mean to you. To further help prepare you for visiting the patient, I would desensitize you to hear fear/anxiety and any expectations or ideas you may have about the person’s illness and any expectations you hold about what you might perceive or experience during the interaction. I would use guided-imagery techniques to help you imagine feeling calm, comfortable and relaxed during your interactions with the person so you can enjoy the time you spend together.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Defense Mechanisms: Undoing and Magical Thinking

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on October 7, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

My great-grandmother used to spit three times or throw salt over her shoulder if anyone said something that could be perceived as wishing bad fortune on another person or situation. Some people say “knock wood” or literally rap their knuckles on a wood surface to prevent an unwanted event. Others wash their hands or mime this behavior as if to cleanse themselves of an event or relationship they don’t want to be associated with. Many kids still make the “cross my heart” pledge to keep a secret or what have you. (In keeping with my grandma’s fear of tempting fate, I always left off the “and hope to die” part.) Each of these behaviors is an example of a defense mechanism, undoing, whereby a person performs some kind of ritual or gesture to negate the likelihood or power of a potential consequence of a behavior or belief.

Similarly, magical thinking is another form of defense mechanism that entails creating associations—usually imagined and typically based in superstition—between an event and a behavior. There is a great scene in the 1990 film, Betsy’s Wedding, in which Betsy’s dad (Alan Alda) is shooting basketball hoops as he repeats the mantra, “If I make this basket, it will be a great day.” When he missed the basket, he keeps throwing that basketball at the net until (finally) the ball goes in and he feels relieved that he might have a good day. Other examples of magical thinking include the old adages about breaking your mother’s back if you step on a crack in the pavement or being cursed with bad luck if you walk under a ladder—seven years of it if you break a mirror. Neither undoing nor magical thinking truly has the ability to shield or protect a person from whatever consequence he or she believes could occur if the behavior is not performed. However, every time the possible consequence is avoided by performing the action reinforces the person’s belief in its effectiveness, which further encourages the person to keep repeating that behavior until he or she achieves the desired result.

These and other defense mechanisms are strategies that enable a person to cope with a stressful situation in his or her life. Like other defense mechanisms, undoing and magical thinking are characterized by the following traits: 1) they are unconscious; 2) they are self-deceptive; 3) they contain elements of denial; 4) they distort reality through thoughts and action. Whenever we “avoid” suffering a possible consequence by performing that action, this success reinforces our belief (subconscious mental script) in the effectiveness of that ritual. This success also encourages us to repeat that behavior to avoid negative outcomes in other areas of our life.

Defense mechanisms are fabulous temporary devices that can help us achieve such security. Undoing rituals such as throwing salt over the shoulder, knocking on wood, and crossing the heart with the promise “and hope to die” should this vow be broken are great examples of learned (and therefore known) behaviors. According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, everyone is subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Since the subconscious mind is motivated and even programmed to seek this comfort, we may adopt those defense-mechanism behaviors because we learned them from someone whom we trust who does or used to do the same thing. However, the primary role of a defense mechanism is to protect the subconscious mind from what it perceives as a threat or “pain” of having to deal with an unknown. These behaviors only provide a temporary perception of control over the environment. Eventually, we must deal with and resolve the primary issue that has triggered the defense mechanism to achieve personal growth.