Don't Rise to the Bait

Photo Courtesy of Fotolia

Whether we are the antagonist or the target of nasty comments,
responding to those taunts actually reinforces the mental script behind them. 

                Whether it’s a colleague at work or another kid at school who is subtly or not-so-subtly challenging you, the most effective strategy to dissipate the tension between you is to ignore the taunt. Unfortunately, nothing is one of the most difficult things to do when we want to stand our ground and defend what we believe. This is even more challenging when we buy into and believe the criticism or digs someone is directing our way. Like children on the playground, adults can also get caught in a seemingly endless cycle of verbal sparring because this kind of interaction has become an established pattern between the participants. There may not be a specific reason why this behavior occurs; and for the purposes of this essay, it doesn’t even matter. The point here is the behavior and how you can prevent yourself from responding to and engaging with whatever has instigated it.

                Whenever you find yourself in a potentially negative interaction ask yourself: Is the trash talk part of your usual repertoire with this individual or individuals? If your answer is yes, consider who is instigating the negativity. Be honest! It surprises many people to realize that they may have started the argument or made the first dig without even consciously knowing or intending to do this. If you did intend to stir something up with the other person, consider your reason or reasons for doing so. Sometimes we criticize another person’s behavior or appearance, etc., because we actually disapprove of or even resent that attribute in ourselves. If your answer is no, think back to a similar, previous occasion or events in which you were the object of the other person’s animosity. How did you react in those situations? How did the other person respond to what you said or did? If this scenario has been repeated several times, it is likely that you both follow a subconscious mental script in which you trigger specific antagonistic/combative and defensive/combative responses in each other.

Even if this behavior has become a habit, the good news is that you both can unlearn it and rewrite your mental scripts to create a more constructive way of interacting. Do not use or waste this time and your energy trying to come up with a clever retort to the other person’s taunt, either. Any temporary pleasure you may feel when you say it will be overshadowed by the fact that your quip will only reinforce the unwanted behavior you’re trying to get rid of and the other person’s negative behavior toward you. The easiest way to start changing the original pattern is simple: just do not respond to that dig or verbal jab. Instead, draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it to the count of four and then exhale the breath through your mouth. As you inhale, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are inhaling calm, focus, patience and any word that you associate with feeling powerful, in control, and loving or benevolent. Then when you exhale, imagine that you are releasing from your body every last bit of anger, stress, frustration or negative energy or emotion that you feel about the other person and/or this situation.

                For all intents and purposes, you are in a kind of “relationship” with the other person or people with whom you share this behavior. Like any other relationship in your life, this one is also subject to the principles behind the Systems Approach, whereby you cannot separate one component of the system from the sub-total or entire system. According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, changing your behavior in the relationship—i.e., no longer respond to comments or communicate with the other party the way you used to—will necessarily affect the basic structure of the relationship or system and create resistance within it. The ultimate goal of the Systems Approach is to bring the System back into balance. However, if that system is no longer working for you and the other party or parties is unwilling to change their behavior to restore this balance, the relationship as it stands will not survive. Under those circumstances, you may ultimately find that leaving the toxic relationship and combative social environment is the better option anyway.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Irritability

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                From the moment you wake up and get out of bed, the day goes from bad to worse. It’s like everything that can go wrong, does. Just thinking about doing something is all the Universe needs to know to turn the tables on you and make your good intentions a fail. Following are some tips to help you get through the frustration and take positive steps to turn your situation around.

1.       Diaphragmatic breathing. Draw a slow, deep breath through your nose; hold it four three or four seconds and then release the air through your mouth. Breathing this way not only relaxes the tension in your physical body; it also provides a tangible example (proof) that you can control a specific physical behavior. Repeat this exercise several times until you notice that your pulse/heartbeat returns to its normal (resting) rate.

2.       Watch your diet. Good nutrition is a very important component when it comes to how you deal with frustration. John Kappas, Ph.D., founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, observed the way a fluctuation in blood-sugar level can influence our mood and suggestibility and the development of phobias. Reduce your caffeine intake and eat healthy meals that include protein to keep your mood stable, increase your patience and shake off your bad mood.

3.       Focus on your options/solutions. When your physical body is relaxed and your mind is calm, you can turn your attention to figuring out what is annoying you. Once your subconscious mind has created new associations (knowns­) between feeling relaxed and your ability to solve a problem, it is easier to access previously proved (success) mental scripts to manage your frustration.

4.       Imagery and visualization. Imagery exercises such as “Special Place” enable you to temporarily escape from whatever is frustrating or irritating you, and mentally someplace where you can feel completely comfortable, calm and relaxed. Anchor these feelings of calm, comfort and relaxation by pressing or rubbing your thumb and index (pointing) finger of your right hand so you can and immediately access this comfortable state.

5.       Tap it out. Use the Emotional Freedom Technique (www.eftuniverse.com) to neutralize your irritability/bad mood: “Even though I feel irritable/I am in a bad mood/etc. …”

For more information about how hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery can help you relax and manage your mood, or to set up an appointment with me, please contact me at the calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com or call me at (661) 433-9430.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Empty Your Mind

Photo courtesy of Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht.

 

                When I was an editor at Black Belt® magazine (www.blackbeltmag.com), I often came across the following quote in which martial artists were urged to practice mushin no shin or “mind of no mind” during combat or competition. Basically, this term philosophy urges you to empty your mind and turn off your emotions so you can think and perceive what’s going on around you. I had an opportunity to practice this philosophy while I hung out with Galahad this afternoon.

                The time I spent with my horse was not in combat but in a kind of moving meditation as I groomed him. Once I had him secured in the cross-ties, I turned all of my attention to making him feel relaxed while I gently curried away shedding hairs and dirt. He did a lot of sighing and fluttered his nostrils a few times, so I am pretty sure he was beyond comfortable and probably a little blissed out during his mega-grooming session. (My trainer has commented several times that my horse is a bit hedonistic.)

Unlike complete Galahad, relaxation has never been easy for me; it is a rare day that I am not doing two or three things at one time. Even spending quiet time at the barn is not an inherently relaxing activity. For example, I always need to know where my feet and hands are to avoid being accidentally stepped on or nibbled when I give Galahad a treat. I have to be careful not to let my horse walk directly behind me when I lead him or he could run right over me if something spooked him and he bolted forward. When I ride, I must use various parts of my body to ensure that I communicate exactly what I want my horse to do and he understands what I am asking for. In addition, my entire body must be soft and relaxed while I remain aware of my surroundings and alert to anything that could spook my horse, including changes in my body that indicate I’m not focused on what I’m doing.

Of course, the reason why I sometimes have so much trouble quieting my mind and directing my focus is, multi-tasking is my go-to behavior. It is my known. Even though I was physically relaxed while I groomed my horse—the repetitive motions of currying and brushing are actually hypnotizing, pun intended—my mind was anything but. Random thoughts kept popping into my head: What should I blog about today? Has so-and-so received my e-mail? I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow, etc. Whenever my thoughts drifted away from what I was doing with Galahad, he would politely by pointedly change his posture as if to remind me to pay attention to what I was doing. After all, this was his time to be with me and get fussed over.

Spending time with my horse is my favorite time of day and my absolute favorite thing to do, but I sometimes have trouble completely turning off the rest of the world even when I’m with him. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relaxing but, let’s face it: sometimes tuning out is really hard work. My conscious mind knows that it should not be more stressful to relax and take time to decompress from the day than it is for me to multi-task various responsibilities I must fulfill and projects to complete during the day. My subconscious mind knows otherwise: Multi-tasking is my default, go-to behavior. It is a subconscious known, an established behavior, a mental script. Furthermore, according to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, I reinforce that behavior every day, when I am working (e.g., preparing for a session, working and following up with clients after their appointment and taking continuing education courses). Then I go out to the barn and ride/hang out with my horse, where I typically do several things at the barn just to stay safe. (As much as I love and trust Galahad, I know that I am physically no match against his 900-pound might if I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

Well, I have been working very diligently to rewrite that old mental script that says I have to multi-task every minute of my day. I’m pleased to say that after a few false starts this afternoon I was finally able to get into a groove with Galahad when I was able to tune out that extra chatter in my head for longer and longer periods of time. When I caught myself thinking about something that didn’t have to do with him, I simply re-directed my attention back on Galahad where it belonged. By the end of our afternoon together, the image and sound of him contentedly nibbling on grass and the earthy smells around me were the only thoughts on my mind.

Mind of no mind.

               

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Reconstructive Surgery and Self-Image

                In a way, some instances of reconstructive surgery is like putting a bandage on a wound rather than healing the tissue that has been injured. John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind tells us that we start receiving message units the moment we are born. Between the ages of five and eight, we start taking these messages directly into the subconscious mind. Even negative messages that cause emotional pain such as criticism about physical appearance or intelligence will be accepted and integrated to help form our life script. Negative messages create negative beliefs, and unless or until those beliefs are replaced with positive ones, our self-image will not improve even if the physique or appearance changes.

                To further complicate this situation, we are strongly influenced by peers and social trend as we get older. Society also influences our personal beliefs about what we think is attractive. Furthermore, should we decide to have plastic or reconstructive surgery to “fix” a perceived blemish in our appearance, we still might not think those changes make us look better or more attractive. If you were constantly criticized about your looks or physique, no matter how clear your skin is now or how fit you are now, those early beliefs may still make you doubt what you see in the mirror. Increasing the number or frequency of reconstructive procedures cannot increase your self-confidence or self-esteem so long as your mental script believes otherwise.

                In other words, the path to improving your self-image starts with improving that image—yourself-confidence and self-esteem from the inside. “Don’t put in suggestions about being attractive if it’s not true. Give negative suggestions about negative situations if you were different: i.e., the downside of being more attractive,” the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder suggested. “You have to learn to live with the [way you look].”

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Age Regression…and Why I Don’t Use This Technique

(This blog was originally posted on January 28, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

We often see characters on television or in the movies use age regression to solve a crime or resolve a mystery in a protagonist’s life. During the 1970s and 1980s, hypnosis was used as a crime-solving technique. During this period, there was a widely held belief that all psychological problems were caused by sexual abuse. Some people theorized that hypnosis would be a useful technique to rewind a person’s memory of a traumatic incident to discover what had happened. Once this information was revealed, hypnosis could also help the person to vent out these memories and resolve his or her feelings about and reactions to the issue. Eventually, experts realized that this technique did not help either the client (alleged abuse victim) or lawyers to prosecute their cases. Memories are filled with distortion and amnesia; furthermore, a person under hypnosis is highly suggestible and becomes very eager to please the hypnotist. A highly emotional-suggestible client will infer that the hypnotist wants to hear certain information, and will duly provide those details.

In some situations, age regression is considered a therapeutic technique: to help an adult remember a license plate after a car crash or to find a personal item that he or she lost several weeks ago. I also use it as part of an imagery exercise to remember every cigarette that the person has smoked when I help a client quit smoking. However, I do not use age regression to discover (or help my client discover) information or memories that the person is not ready to address. When a terrible trauma has occurred, a person knows how to breathe, sleep, eat and eliminate. If a memory is too traumatic, the mind creates a “scab” over that memory to protect the individual from further trauma or stress. Just like you wouldn’t pull a scab off of an abrasion, I do not use hypnosis to rip a similar scab off your mind. Again, since there is no way to prove the veracity of any memories that a person regains while under hypnosis, this information would not be allowed in a court of law.

My first responsibility to my clients is to do no harm. As a certified hypnotherapist, my role is to help them achieve a vocational or avocational self-improvement goal. However, if a client spontaneously remembers a traumatic incident, I will use hypnosis to help him or her present reality more powerful than the past, and refer the person to a licensed psychologist or other medical professional for additional professional support in areas that are outside my own scope of expertise in hypnotherapy.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

Saving Mr. and Mrs. Crabby's Relationship

 

                I am a devoted fan of Patrick McDonnell’s Mutts© comic strip (https://muttscomics.com). This week (August 11-August 14, 2014), two of the regular “seaside” characters, Crabby and Mrs. Crabby, were having a marital crisis. Not only was the king crab feeling “happy” and content, he had suddenly become very kind and even solicitous to his wife. Mrs. Crabby was beside herself with worry because she had no idea to deal with his sudden change in behavior or attitude. She literally did not “know” her husband since he was no longer grumpy and complaining. The Crabby relationship was in jeopardy because the basic system of their marriage had been disrupted.

The source or reason for Crabby’s sudden attitude change wasn’t revealed; it didn’t matter that his gentler, more considerate nature might have ultimately improved the overall quality of their communication their relationship. Remember, doesn’t even matter if the “change” is for the better and could even improve the overall quality of their interactions or communication. According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, anything new is unknown and, therefore, painful. This behavior was very painful to him and Mrs. Crabby—so painful, in fact, that they had to enlist the help of a marriage counselor (an octopus) to help restore the usual status quo and save their relationship.

Right away, I knew that a Systems Approach would be the most effective way to address this conflict. The basic premise of the Systems Approach is: every component of a social/emotional system affects the entire system. Whenever one member of that social system changes his or her behavior in any way, that change could still destroy the relationship if the other parties are resistant toward it. The ultimate goal of a Systems Approach is to bring the original System back into balance.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, this approach infiltrates all areas of therapy regardless of what the client’s problem or issue happens to be. Even if only one member of the family or one spouse or partner in a relationship is seeking therapy, that issue must be dealt with within the context of the client’s own system. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must address components in the person’s work, relationships, family past, the hypnotherapy he or she is receiving, plus aspects of the entire social system or relationship. If these other issues aren’t taken into account, the therapy won’t be successful and only the issue being addressed in therapy will be “treated” (improved or eliminated) per the client’s goal, Dr. Kappas warned.

                The presenting issue of Crabby and Mrs. Crabby’s case was marital accord, a complete aberration of their normal interactions. If the (hypno)therapist doesn’t keep Mrs. Crabby in mind during the therapy, she is liable to walk out of the marriage because she has not been taken into account within the “system.” Fortunately, both of these spouses were willing to come in for (hypno)therapy to work on their marital issues and learned some techniques to help them restore the natural balance of the relationship.

                I am pleased to report that the “therapy” worked, Crabby is back to being his usual “crabby” self and he and Mrs. Crabby is delighted with the results! You can read about their relationship at https://muttscomics.com/strips-archive.

 

 

 

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

Hypnotized Sharks

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., people escape or flee into hypnosis when they perceive a threat or danger.  As I learned during my hypnotherapy training at HMI: “Hypnosis is created by an overload of message units, disorganizing our inhibitory process (Critical Mind), triggering our fight-flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state, providing access to the subconscious mind.”

                Apparently, sharks do a similar thing.

Last night, I watched a fascinating documentary about shark behavior on the Discovery Channel’s® Shark Week series (www.discovery.com/tv-shows/shark-week). In an episode titled Zombie Sharks, Eli Martinez, a shark expert, explained a neuro-physiological phenomenon called “tonic immobility.” (http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/shark-week/#!/thu/zombie-reload) According to Martinez, sharks can be rendered immobile whenever they are turned over onto their backs or, in some cases, by touching an area of a shark’s face. For all intents and purposes, tonic immobility renders the fish temporarily paralyzed until the contact is removed and/or it may rotate its body to a normal position.

Apparently, this area of the face and down the back is loaded with sensors which can quickly become overloaded by sensory stimuli. For example, an overload of sensory stimuli would occur when a researcher places his or her hands on the animal’s face or flips the fish onto its back to subdue it when inserting a tracking device, or if a larger predator, such as an orca, catches it and turns the animal onto its back as a predatory behavior. To complete this picture, imagine the psychological stress that a shark experiences when another animal—whether it is a human or another predator(s)—is swimming and lunging with hands or an opened toothy mouth, to catch it. There would be even more stress and anxiety for its survival when the fish is cornered and caught. In some instances, as in the case of the researchers and videographers for Shark Week, there would be additional sensory stimuli from the cameras and extra lighting in the ocean. By the time the shark is subdued on its back, it has endured an incredible overload of sensory stimulation. It is no wonder that the fish zones out.

This phenomenon sounds a lot like hypnosis, to me.

 

For more information about tonic immobility, check out the articles at the following links:

“Tonic Immobility on Sharks”at http://www.sharkaidinternational.org/report_tonic_immobility_on_sharks.html

“Discovery Channel’s ‘Zombie Sharks’ Explores Tonic Immobility”, Woodlands Online at  http://www.woodlandsonline.com/npps/story.cfm?nppage=53506

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014