Self-Improvement

Photo courtesy of Fotilia

When our self-confidence and self-esteem are low, so too
is our ability to value ourselves and our self-worth.

   

             Yesterday, one of my friends posted this quote-of-the-day on his Facebook wall: “The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” The quote was accompanied by a picture of a man looking down at his flexed biceps. His expression looked self-critical—but that was probably the desired interpretation, based on the quote. It definitely made me think, though.

                It is very easy to become self-critical. The expression “self-improvement” implies that something is wrong or at least not as good, right or perfect as we would like it to be. Whether we are considering our business acumen, sports ability, beauty/physique, artistic talent, etc., it doesn’t take long for this evaluation to become a comparison to other people. When we compare ourselves to others, we lose sight of our own skills, talents, contributions and self-worth. We cannot be ourselves while we are trying and pretending to be someone else—and, we become angry and frustrated when we don’t fulfill those unrealistic expectations of being like or being “better than” that other person.

                The most important work I do as a hypnotherapist is to help my clients to increase their self-confidence and self-esteem. I compare these traits to an emotional compass: the lower my client’s self-esteem or self-confidence is, the lower his or her motivation and self-acceptance tend to be. I use therapeutic guided imagery to help my client envision attaining the therapeutic goal. When I construct the hypnotic script I use the client’s words to describe the traits, skills and abilities that the person already possesses that will help him or her to achieve that specified goal to reinforce the imagery.  Over time, as the person continues to use the skills and techniques that he or she has been rehearsing in hypnotherapy to achieve this goal in the real world, the person’s self-confidence and self-esteem get stronger. Furthermore, just about every aspect of the person’s social, emotional and professional life get “better”, too; and a new world of options and opportunities to achieve new challenges opens up.

Humans have a predilection to compare every experience and every person to another, but what is going on inside you today and tomorrow is the only comparison that really matters.

               

 

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

The Pattern “Interrupt”

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

When you feel tempted to smoke that cigarette or to eat
one more cookie, opt to take your dog for a walk instead.

                The subconscious mind controls 88 percent of our beliefs and behavior. Therefore, the mental script for an entrenched habit will trump the conscious mind’s logic, will-power, decision-making and reasoning faculties that want to change this habit every time. When I help a client to change a behavior in hypnotherapy, I utilize a technique called “pattern interrupt.” The purpose of the pattern interrupt is to give the SCM a time out while the individual engages in something completely different for a little while. Through this exercise, the client experiences how it feels to have the power and control to choose whether to engage in an activity that has been controlling his or her life.

When I work with someone to change a behavior, such as to quit smoking or lose weight, I first ask what specifically triggers the undesired behavior, and how he or she handles this kind of temptation. Next, we discuss options for dealing with the trigger without engaging in the unwanted behavior. It is important that the person comes up with these alternative behaviors in order for the client to remain motivated and enthusiastic about working to achieve his or her goal. The pattern interrupt should be simple and easy to do, whether it is taking ten slow, deep breaths instead of lighting a cigarette; drinking a glass of water instead of a can of soda; take the dog for a walk instead of playing a computer game. I will also reinforce these options as hypnotic suggestions so the subconscious mind will also start to recognize these new activities as “known” behaviors.

Every time you choose to do the replacement activity, even for just a couple of seconds, you are reinforcing a new behavior and creating a new known in the SCM. The great thing about the pattern interrupt is that anyone can do this. You don’t need to be in hypnosis or to have received a post-hypnotic suggestion to substitute an unwanted behavior. When temptation strikes, you just need to do something else for a little while…just long enough for the craving to subside and your subconscious mind to forget, for a little while, that this behavior ever existed, at all.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Hypnotherapy and Insomnia

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

The most common cause of insomnia is worry, which makes it
 one of the easiest behaviors to change, using hypnotherapy.

 

                Insomnia is described as an inability to sleep through the night. It may be manifested as a difficulty falling asleep or waking up frequently during the night so the person does not have a restful sleep. Physiological causes of insomnia can include hunger or a drop in blood-sugar level. However, the most common cause of insomnia is worry, which makes this condition one of the easiest behavior problems to treat, said Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.

                When I work with a client to improve the person’s quality and quantity of sleep, the first thing I do is to help the person enter a deeply relaxed state of calm and comfort. When the individual is in hypnosis, I help him or her to deepen this sensation of comfort and dozy relaxation through breathing and progressive relaxation exercises. I also establish one or two physical anchors (e.g., the finger press) that the person can use to activate this relaxed, dozy relaxation when the person climbs into bed for sleep. I incorporate the client’s reasons/desire to sleep through the night and his or her suggestibility—physical (direct and literal) or emotional (inferential) to craft a customized suggestion for sleep. The ideal sleep suggestion is one that will induce the client to sleep “quickly, soundly and deeply throughout the night and will awaken in the morning feeling completely rested. The mind will be alert and active,” Dr. Kappas said.

                Post-hypnotic suggestions to drift into sleep include reinforcing the person’s sensation of feeling deeply relaxed, comfortable and free of stress. Using therapeutic guided imagery, I may also help the client to create a special box or safe in which to store or “lock away” any worries or concerns in order to get a good night’s sleep. (I reassure the client that he or she can always “unlock” the box and take out those issues to work on in the morning, if they haven’t already resolved themselves during the good night’s sleep.) I will also provide a final suggestion that the person will release in a venting dream any and all of the stresses or worries that have previously prevented the client from enjoying a sound, deep, full night’s sleep.

Following are some other practical suggestions to help sleep through the night:

·         Do not to watch television or play video games an hour before you plan to go to sleep (these activities can mentally arouse you too much to sleep).

·         Do not to take any sleep aids or drink alcohol to help you nod off: sleep aids can inhibit REM sleep and dreaming; and you are likely to wake up again once the alcohol has worn off.

·         Have a bedtime snack that includes some form of protein. A piece of roasted turkey or a glass of milk is a great choice because both of these items contain tryptophan, which is believed to induce sleep. Eating something before bed will also reduce the likelihood of becoming hungry during the night, which is associated with insomnia.

·         While you are in bed, practice diaphragmatic breathing. Draw a breath through your nose, deep into your lungs, hold it for four seconds and release through your mouth. Repeat this breathing four or five times until you feel your body has released any of the remaining tension that you have been holding onto during the day.

·         Once you are in bed, if your mind is still whirring from the day, count backward from 100 as you preparing to fall asleep. “Counting will help to put [you] in a completely relaxed and restful state that will facilitate falling asleep,” Dr. Kappas explained.

·         Systematically tighten and then relax specific groups of muscles in your body, starting with the muscles in your face and neck, then down to the shoulders, back, arms, hands, abdomen, waist and hips, thighs, feet and toes. As you do this exercise, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that every area that you stretch and relax makes you feel progressively relaxed and sleepy. It is perfectly fine if you drift off to sleep before you complete this exercise!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Just Go With It

 

                As we get older, it becomes easier to appreciate an experience and to reap the benefit of doing something we don’t really want to do, than when we are children. Even though adults have most of the same subconscious motivations, desires and “knowns” that we had when they were little kids, we also have the benefit of experience. We know that we will learn something from this experience if we just open up our minds and are willing to take in this new information. We know that nothing really does last forever—whether it is a six-hour riding demonstration or that time we get to spend just hanging out with a beloved parent or child. So we just go with it and try something new.

          As adults, we can appreciate that the logic, reasoning, will-power and decision-making faculties we possess in our conscious mind were actually the catalysts for organizing this family time in the first place. I love horses; I train in dressage. My dad says he is afraid of horses, and he doesn’t really know anything about the discipline I ride. But the opportunity to spend “family time” together was the subconscious “known” in our minds that clinched the deal.

                So, a couple days ago my dad accompanied me to the second day of Charlotte Dujardin’s dressage symposium at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center. This was a big deal for me: I have been a big fan of Ms. Dujardin since I “discovered” her during the 2012 Summer Olympics; the opportunity to watch her teach and ride (in person, not on TV) was an opportunity of a lifetime. More important, I got to spend the day with my father, which hardly ever happens because of our very different schedules and my predilection to spend most of my free time around horses. But, my dad was a good sport. He didn’t tell me that he was bored even one time; I even caught him leaning forward in his seat once or twice to get a better look at what was going on in the arena. He just went with the flow of the afternoon: demonstrations, lunch, more demonstrations and then a question-and-answer session with Ms. Dujardin and her former trainer, Judy Harvey. He even made some very good, informed observations about what he was watching. He wanted to know if my horse could do some of the things he saw being done in the arena; and he seemed proud when I told him that Galahad is working on a lot of those movements (albeit at a much lower level).

At the end of the afternoon, he told me he had enjoyed himself. He said liked spending time with me and that he had a very good day.

So did I.

                              

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Take the Time to Meet Someone You Already Know

 

                This afternoon, I treated a very dear friend to lunch to celebrate his birthday. We have known each other for a very long time. We consider each other to be honorary members of each other’s family. We can go months or even years without seeing each other, but when we meet we pick up the relationship right where we left off. During the course of our conversation, I kept thinking about how very lucky I am to have such a special friend in my life. I was delighted to learn some details about his life that I had never known before; the information was interesting and funny, but the best part was that he shared it with me. And then I started to wonder: I have known this person for so long and have only just heard this incident, which happened long before we ever met. How well do I really know about the people I really care about? How well do they know me?

                I described key characteristics of romantic relationships in my February 14, 2014 blog, “7 Keys to a Successful, Long-Term Relationship.” Friendship also requires some tender, loving care to maintain and grow over the years.

                Unlike familial relationships, your friends are “friends” because they want to be with you, not just because you share a gene code. They like you; they like to hang out with you. Friends trust each other to keep each other’s confidences and to offer emotional, physical and even practical support if necessary. Friends feel comfortable telling each other how they feel or what they think about something, and they do it in an honest, compassionate way that will not (intentionally) hurt the other person. Friends respect what the other person says or how that individual feels, even if they don’t share that sentiment. Friends share common interests, but they also pursue hobbies and activities that the other person may not care about. Friends ask each other, “How do you feel? What are you doing? What have you been up to? What do you want to do, today?”

                Friends listen without judgment or interruption to what each other says. Friends appreciate this opportunity to get to know each other better and to experience their world, through their eyes. The next time you are with your friend, take a few minutes to get to know him or her better. Spend more time listening to what that person is saying than you do talking. Turn off or put away your cell phone so you can devote your complete attention to the person you are with. Nod, smile, ask questions or rephrase a statement to demonstrate that you are involved in this interaction. You will find, as I did, that the more you listen and observe what is going on with someone you care about, the more you will learn about that person and the richer that relationship becomes.

                Happy birthday, my friend.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Continuing Education

Photo by Sara Fogan

Charlotte Dujardin works with Hilda Gurney during the
2014 Dressage Symposium at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center.

 

                Have you ever wondered where a champion athlete goes after she wins an Olympic medal? If she is still competing, she goes right back to her coach to continue training. She may also brainstorm with teammates or participate in (or teach) a clinic to improve her technique or learn new skills in order to continue to excel in her sport.

                This weekend, I audited a dressage symposium at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center in Southern California. Charlotte Dujardin, the 2012 British Olympic gold medalist in dressage and reigning world champion in the sport, was the featured clinician. She and her former trainer, International Grand Prix champion Judy Harvey, were here to share their expertise with six accomplished equestrians and their equally impressive horses to work through specific training issues. They were there to observe, praise/critique, correct and motivate each rider to continue improving in her sport. Ms. Dujardin treated everyone with respect, humor and a little tough love—including Hilda Gurney, a former Olympic bronze medalist in dressage and popular trainer in Southern California, and her mount, Wintersnow.

                It wasn’t really a surprise that Ms. Gurney was there, but the incredible opportunity to watch these two champions cooperating to achieve a common goal did give me goose bumps. After all, in another context, they would have been competing against each other for the same title. But in this context they were teacher and student, and even champions will go back to school in order to remain in the game and stay at the top of their class.

                “It’s wonderful to watch two Olympians work together,” Ms. Harvey commented at the end of their session. She added that Ms. Dujardin benefited from her student’s experience as a competitor in dressage, while Ms. Gurney would have been inspired and motivated by her teacher’s enthusiasm and technical skills.

                “I still learn and watch [and visualize] other riders to get better at what I do,” Ms. Dujardin explained during a Q&A session during the clinic. She recounted a time when she had trouble doing a half-pass at the trot. Then, right before a major competition, she found a catalyst to overcome this block: while observing a former Olympic gold and silver medalist, Isabelle Werth, practice this movement, she finally “got” how to do it. Dujardin explained how mentally replicating every detail of Werth’s practice ride during an imaginary ride on her own horse, Valegro, enabled her to finally ride the half-pass in her own competition later that day.

 “Sometimes, watching someone else and visualizing what they do helps me to understand what I need to do to understand what I am doing wrong and correct technique if I feel stuck,” she said.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

The Power of…Thinking



Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

My first horse...and the first realization
of a subconscious script!

                The first time I saw my future dream home, I was riding in the back of a taxi on my way to a job interview for the Public Health Medicine Department at the University of Hull. Through the heavy rain, I spotted a three-story, Georgian-style home with bay windows set behind a brick wall on the main road. Lush, green ivy grew up a trellis on one of the walls. There was a circular, gravel driveway and a wrought-iron gate in front of the house which made the property look like it belonged in a Jane Austen novel. In my mind, the property was the epitome of “England.” I wonder who lives there. I would love to live there, I remember thinking. Three weeks later, I returned to the same neighborhood looking for a flat to rent when I started my new job at the university. I could hardly believe my luck when I found an advertisement for an apartment on the property I had so admired. The rent was even within my (new) budget, and I quickly signed the lease.

                Eight years later, a friend at work invited me to visit her property and meet her horse. I had loved horses since I was a very little girl, and always knew that somehow, some way, I would have one of my own. Within a month I started taking riding lessons at a property across the street (literally) from my colleague’s home; by the end of the year—thanks to her recommendation—I was buying my first horse from my new riding instructors.

By the end of the following year, I had also started my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. An HMI representative told me about his work as a hypnotherapist and encouraged me to “try” the free introductory course at the college. The idea of hypnotizing people was definitely an “unknown” and even a little daunting to my conscious and subconscious minds when I started the class. However, everything about hypnotherapy resonated with what I imagined I would be doing when, at eight years old, I announced that I wanted to be a psychologist when I grew up. When I learned that I already had a connection with the college through the company where I was working at that time, I just knew that I was on the right path to fulfilling my destiny.

                Are these examples of good fortune? Were they products of divine intervention? Or, were they testimony to the power of the mind to actualize a subconscious desire or script at work? I say the power of the subconscious mind, every time.

                In his book, Success Is Not an Accident, HMI founder John Kappas, Ph.D., explains how the mental scripts we program into our subconscious mind determine the outcome of our actions. Whether we imagine a positive or negative result, the SCM follows that mental script to actualize the goal you “want.” If you tell yourself that it takes an hour to get to work every day or that you are bound to jam your knee on your friend’s coffee table again, that is what will happen. If you imagine that you will have a safe, easy commute to work or that you will find a great spot to park your call when you go to the mall, your SCM will work to make those things happen, too.  Moral of the story: be careful and specific in what you want and think about, because you are likely to end up with exactly that.

                Have you ever heard the Hollywood story about the time actor/comedian Jim Carrey wrote himself a $15 million check years before he became famous…?

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014